Out of the Patch

On Saturday I bought my daughter her first Cabbage Patch Kid.

I swung by a garage sale (a serious addiction of mine) and started rummaging through the toys. There, under a kite, was an original 1980 cabbage patch doll. Beautiful yellow (yarn) hair, same outfit she was born in, even the original diaper. I snatched her up like a piece of chocolate cheesecake and hurried to the register. She cost me ten bucks, worth every penny.

As I drove home my mind wandered back to my own cabbage patch doll. Bridgette. According to my mom, she was the last one on the shelf (remember how hard they were to find?) and we were lucky to get her. I know I should have been in love with her and I TRIED to be in love with her, but she wasn’t my kid.

She had short blond loopy hair and dressed like a boy. My best friend Kendra’s doll had long yellow hair and was all girl. Oh, how I coveted that doll. I’d try to kiss and coo over Bridette, but my heart wasn’t in it. I could never really get over the disappointment of that short blond hair, may she rest in peace up in my parent’s attic.

But this doll, this doll, is everything I ever wanted in a Cabbage Patch Kid. I brought her home, washed her clothes, cleaned her face and snuggled down to take a nice big wiff of her head. She’s still got it, that sweet Cabbage Patch smell. Amazing how they never seem to lose it.

But I have one monumental problem. I don’t know her name. We all know how important the official name is, and there is no way for me to backtrack and find it now. So I am taking matters into my own hands. I must name this child.

So I need your help. I am having a Cabbage Patch Kid naming contest. The winner will be granted Godmotherhood. Let’s hear them. Girl. Yellow hair. Baby clothes.



  1. SevenVillageIdiarts says:

    My sister and I got Cabbage Patch Dolls in our remote Alaskan Town, from a local store back in 1984 (everything was always a little behind in our town!) They didn’t QUITE look like my rich friend’s dolls, but I LOVED mine.

    We sent in the paperwork and recieved a reply from Babyland General or whatever they called that place. My sister and I were so excited. The letter was addressed to us and our little hearts were so thrilled, they about burst! I let my little 5 year old sister, Briana open the envelope and in a shakey 9 year old voice I read, “Babyland General is sorry to inform you, your dolls are fake. Please give us the name of the distributor and we’ll prosecute them to the fullest extent of the law.”

    OH, how I cried about that. I decided to never buy a real Cabbage Patch Doll. How could Babyland General have crushed my spirit? Couldn’t they have addressed the envalope to “The Parents of Sarah Goold?” JERKS!! I knew my doll was just as real as my rich friend’s dolls.

    So, in honor of our fake dolls . . . my sister and I suggest the names we wrote on our fake birth certificates: Chanel Spring or Pepsi Charlotte.

  2. I had two Cabbage patch dolls. Hedda Madge, and Natasha Andie.

    I sat my dolls on the headboard of my bed, which turned out to be a bad thing, because once in the middle of the night, I was awakened by a thump on the face. I opened my eyes to see Natasha Andie’s face laying directly on top of my own. Sure, these dolls are cute in daylight hours, but I have to tell you, it really creeped me out to wake up to one who had just jumped from my headboard and landed on my face.

    After that, she got to hang out on my dresser.

    What about Inga, Helga, or Gretchen?

  3. I had a beautiful, sweet, chic blonde-haired friend in the 5th grade named April. I assumed her birthday was in April, but alas, she was born in May. So in honor of my long-lost friend, I vote for:

    Apryl Mae

  4. sdhastings says:

    She sounds like a Greta Joy to me.

  5. Names…hmmm…in keeping with Cabbage Patch Kids style it must be a name most people wouldn’t use. So I vote Veronia.

    This is just the geek coming out in me, but Cabbage Patch Kids came out in 1982…

  6. diana banana says:

    Edie Lynn

  7. by AnnieValentine says:

    Sorry Kari, her tag is copyrighted 1978 and 1980. And Sarah that is SO SAD! I hate the people at Babyland General. I always call you Sarah. Is that your real name? Why do I think it’s Sarah?

    And I have to say that I rarely let Bridgette sleep in my bed because her eternal stare freaked me out at night as well.

    So far everyone thinks she’s Scandinavian (must be the yellow yarn). I’m liking Inga and Greta, although Pepsi is right up there.

    Diana, I have a cousin named Edie Lynn. Small world.

  8. Michelle Wilkes says:

    This is so funny! I guess every girl who was a little girl in the 1980’s has a Cabbage Patch Story.

    Mine was fake, too! But at least I knew that from the beginning. My parents weren’t much for shopping, or blowing lots of hard earned dough on a Brand name. Plus, all the other parents told them Cabbage Patch dolls were sold out unless you paid big bucks on the black market. (Not an option)
    So, my parents were somehow put in contact with one of those entreuprenuing (I know I murdered that spelling) Mormon moms who MADE fake Cabbage Patch Dolls. Yes, mine was homemade! I thought she was great except she had a cloth head instead of a plastic one, and no official papers.
    And then my friends would pull down her diaper- yes, PULL DOWN HER DIAPER!!! To check her butt for a signature!!! Then scream at the top of their lungs “This is a total fake!!!” and ostresize me from the play group.
    But then, I find out that my parents actually paid more for her than a retail doll sold for because they must have been paying this lady by the hour. So how could I not love her when my parents were trying SOOO hard!
    But she had a deformed toe. I covered it with baby booties, but it still bugged me. I finally gave her to my neices about two years ago because my kids didn’t like her toe, either, apparantly.

    Thanks for the trip down 1980’s lane.

    And I vote Helga. Oh, that wasn’t an option. Greta then.

  9. Personally, I think the name Jenny Kelly belongs on a Cabbage Patch. Maybe Kelly should come first? After all, she actually liked hers way more than I liked mine.

    Or Ingrid Kathleen.

    Or Regina Renee.

  10. Sanders Family says:

    how about these: Serena Blair, Ali Hope, or Bella May. Names are hard and our daughter Tatum wasn’t named until 14 hours after she was born. Good Luck!

  11. Ha, my face is red. I even checked it out on Wikipedia before I posted. But of course Wikipedia is never wrong! ha.

    I am the only girl on the planet who didn’t have a Cabbage Patch Doll. But my daughter’s do.

    Wait, I had a fake one!

    I like Greta, but Pepsi is good.

    I know, Greta Pepsi.

  12. The Motherboard says:

    I had a Cabbage Patch doll… with a German birth Certificate. Everything was in German, and me not speaking German… Well it was actually quite sad.

    So, to honor the German dolls:

    Winifred Jo
    Hilde Marie
    Nixie Belle

  13. fox family says:

    I never had a cabbage patch doll. But I did visit the Babyland General or whatever, and I saw a doll be “born.” They pop up out a fake head of cabbage in a fake garden- indoors. The people there at the time yell out names, and the person in charge, chooses the official name from the suggestions given. Kinda funny.
    No name suggetion for me. I’m not ready to be a godmother.

  14. Tallulah May.

    I have to admit to never owning a cabbage patch doll back in the day. Those things filled me with nothing less than terror!

  15. Memories, memories! My best friend across the street had EVERYTHING Cabbage Patch… the sheets, the comforter, the wallpaper border, and of course, about 10 dolls on her day bed. I was so jealous. So when Tiffany got one for her birthday I about threw a fit. I was so bad that my mom had to show me that she had also bought me a Cabbage Patch doll, but that I had to wait all the way until my birthday (in July, and it was April) to take her out of the box. Of course, I snuck in the storage room just about every day to ogle at her until my birthday. So, in honor of that much-beloved Cabbage Patch doll of mine, I vote: Alise Avis.

  16. How about Beatrice Maud?

  17. Yep, I remember getting a fake one for Christmas too. I’m thinking with that yellow hair she should be named Sunshine Rae. Oh wait. That sounds like a stripper name. In that case, I vote for Greta.

  18. Bunny Kelsi was Kendra’s doll

    Cicely Christabella was mine

    Anika Tessie Tintle is June’s doll

    Very Scandinavian in honor of our dear friend Pippi, her friends, and their words that never matched their mouths! (and drove us all crazy).

  19. I can’t believe no one suggested the name Stephanie Susan…is it because they envision beauty beyond comparison, and not the cute little yellow yarned doll hair. Come on people, get real. And Jen….Jenny Kelly? You’ve got to be kidding me. 🙂
    My first cabbage patch was named Briana, still have her, and I have a premie, a cornsilk and a koosa. I was a begger, big time. My daughter still doesn’t appreciate these dolls as much as I did, but they kick around the house still. When I see one on occasion, I pick it up and snuggle it for a minute.

  20. Apparently I’m a disgrace as a previous Cabbage Patch owner. Am I the only woman in America who can’t remember my doll’s name??

    Kelly’s name should definitely come first. She even remembers Kendra’s.

  21. SevenVillageIdiarts says:

    Wow, I think you should have more contests. . . preferably about things from the 80s!! That was a HUGE amount of comments and I enjoyed reading them all. And yes, I’m Sarah and hope June loves her little Anika!

  22. Wow, for someone who never has had any love in my heart for Cabbage Patch Kids, ever, at all (sorry, 70’s child and precocious child snob here,) these comments were surprisingly fun to read. And the story about the contraband dolls makes Babyland General look horrible. They could have at least said, “Although your dolls are total fakes and we want to know where you got them so we can prosecute the seller to the full extent of the law, we’re sure that you love them very much and we hope that you have a great time cherishing your totally fake contraband law-breaking dolls.”

  23. I stalk your page thanks to Sarah at sevenvillageidiarts, but apparently I don't stalk enough, because I missed this post until now!! I too just purchased a Cabbage Patch Kid for my little Adeline who just turned one, however, I did not find it at a Garage Sale and got suckered into buying a brand new 25th anniversary CPK for $30. Although she looks exactly like my first CPK, Amelia Jane. I don't know if that will settle the "when did they first come out issue, but I think if the 25th anniversary doll just came out in stores last month, then it had to be 1983, my doll says 1978 & 1983 too, maybe 1978 was the year they were first copyrighted, who knows, and who cares!! I have a niece named Anika, and my best friends daughter is named Tess, so Kudos to whoever named her.

  24. Dee-Great-Grand-Mother says:

    It is so funny, today my friend and i went to a second hand store , I saw a cabbage patch doll, i never had a doll untill I was 9 years old, we were so poor. I bought her and on her tag it said hello my name is Charlotte Kay and on the other side it said adopted on 12-25-83, and she found a home with my great crand child to be born in Jan. 23-09