Confessions of a Carbaholic

T-Shirt Update:  I have posted pictures of the actual shirts we’re using, check them out at my stupid T-shirt site. 

Since it’s Paid Friday, I decided to post an article that printed last month. I tried to paste in a photo of the article so you could get the full effect but I’m a computer idiot. Here’s the text. 

You can also click here to check out this week’s article!


Hello. My name is Annie, and I’m a carbaholic.        

I’ve been clean for four months now, but yesterday my wagon hit some sage brush that tasted a lot like bread dough and it bumped me clean off into a field of soft, pliable, sticky wonderment. 

My nephew is getting married on Saturday and like a good little sister, I offered to make all the rolls for the occasion. What’s a few hundred warm, white, fluffy rolls sitting around, yearning for butter and homemade peach jam anyway? I can handle that right? Right? Right?


Three hundred and seventeen rolls later, I am now convinced that I am in Carb Hell. Every surface in my kitchen is padded with carbs that call out each time I pass. They say things like, “Eat me! Savor me! You know you want me!”

Working with the bread dough, I find myself stuffing enough little snippets of that tender, sticky goodness into my mouth that as I sit here, my bloated tummy is protruding over the top of my pants because now the yeast has really hit the fan and that dough is expanding in my very own toasty oven.

Why is it that as soon as we plan to do some kind of service, it turns around and bites us (although I guess in my case, I bit it)?

My girlfriend’s husband helped out a poor old widow from their church by clearing out some brush around her house. His reward? Two months of systematic poison oak. Systematic means it gets in your blood stream. Itchy blood. Nice.

Then there’s my own Poor Husband who was doing a similar service project and usurped a hive of wasps (which flew directly up his shorts). Let’s just say that one didn’t end well either. 

So how is a girl supposed to survive this kind of madness? We’re talking about days and days and pans and pans and snippets and snippets and now there’s no turning back, I’ll simply have to indulge until Saturday when I can get these sinful treats out of my life forever.

Well, forever until Monday when I’ll think up some excuse to “bake bread for the neighbors” and watch as my good intentions pave the way right back down to Carb Hell.


  1. Well, aren’t you fancy with a printed article!?!?

    I loved it. And know I’m off to get some rolls and a cupcake.

  2. Very Funny. I know those rolls, they suck. (Sorry Grandma, both for mentally dissing your amazing and irresistible rolls and for the word suck).

  3. I have a carbfession!
    I have a Mom & Pop donut shop a couple miles from my home. They make the best donuts ever. Rolling Pin Donuts – the name makes me salivate. Anyway, my sin is that I sometimes sneak away at 11:00 at night, to buy freshly made carbituates there. They are soft, warm, and totally decadent. They are so good, what I’m doing has to be sinful.

  4. I know, I know it all!! The torture, the yearnings, the ultimate bliss of it at first bite, then excrutiating self-loathing while you continue eating and eating and eating…and why, WHY am I crying while I type this?
    Must go to the kitchen now so I can drown my sorrow and drink the hershey’s syrup right from the bottle…..

  5. I have to confess, I googled your article and read it before you posted it here, and it was WITHOUT getting a subscription to the paper! Good Job!

  6. I should start my own chapter of carboholics anon. 🙂

    Great Article!

  7. Oh bread dough is so good!! I’m told that not everyone likes it but give me a break. waht’s not to like?!
    Rolls are good too.
    Mmmmm, I’m off to get something to eat.

    PS. Hahahaha, I’m laughing that you didn’t take it off.

  8. Okay I’m sticking your button up on my blog! You are a creative genius…those t-shirts are so great!

  9. Wait…Carbs are bad for you? Who started that nasty rumour?
    Keep eating that bread dough…it’s all a myth 🙂

  10. I learned how to bake my own bread last fall.

    And I’ve been trying to forget ever since!

  11. I don’t know if your intention was to make my mouth water, but you’ve done it. You are a good descriptive writer. And apparently, a good baker.