Who let the air out?

So a week before I weaned the baby I went out and bought a cartload of new bras. My old nursing bras were so stretched and worn that the only support they offered was a comfortable shoulder strap for my children to cry on.

This is my third child. I know what happens to the girls when we’re done nursing. The deflation process is swift and sure, it’s like trading in water balloons for socks with golf balls. And yet, I went out and bought bras BEFORE letting all the air out of the tires. 

In hindsight, I guess that maybe it was a subconscious attempt at using The Secret. It was me hoping that if I believed hard enough, actually had enough faith to invest in a truck load of lovely big cupped bras, my bosom would step up to the plate and hold it’s stance. It’s the old “if you build it they will come” mentality.

We all do this in one way or another. If I buy an elliptical, I’ll get skinny. If I buy a minivan, I’ll get pregnant. If I buy a 34D…you get the point. 

And so, four weeks later I am sitting here in my bra, wondering what to do with this inch of space between my poor teensy bosom and that hard candy shell of a brazier I present to the public. It’s like having two new pockets, perfect for cash, kleenex, or hey, I could even carry treats with me! Who needs perfume? Stuff a little homemade bread down there and I’ll have men literally drooling all over the place to get to my chest. 

I wonder how well Salami stores…


  1. I swear, bra shopping is the single worst thing on the planet. Victoria can’t even save my girls. It’s really sad. (All those stupid experts that say pregnancy and nursing don’t affect them haven’t had children.)

  2. Oh my, this is so funny! I’m currently nursing my first and have been wondering whats going to happen the girls once I stop. Thanks for the heads up.

  3. Ok, that was too funny. Thanks for the laugh and why can’t believing make it so?

  4. I hate the idea of fluctuating breasts. I am the opposite of you. Please make mine smaller. Please please please. Shirts are always too tight and I’ve had people ask me if I’ve had a boob job. Are you kidding?! I just smile and say, “I’m nursing,” even when I’m not.

  5. oh and I’m still trying to make that elliptical one work…

  6. I’m sorry for your loss.

    You know, you could just pull out those falsies you used for Miss Washington…

  7. annie valentine says:

    Thank you, Jenny, for outing me. Actually, that’s not such a bad idea, they’re still floating around somewhere in my souvenir bin.

  8. The hardest for me was finally getting one that fit…

    And then my first post-baby period hit.

    Whoooo baby!

  9. I know exactly what you’re talking about, but I really wish I didn’t.

  10. Amy Goodie says:

    Well, in case you may have forgotten that I grow like 4 sizes while being pregnant, I know about the bra delima!!! I’m just trying to squeeze into a C, hopefully willing myself not to get to a DD this time… what to do? We want them, then we don’t! I guess just have bras ranging in all sizes!
    P.S. Your kids’ pictures are absolutely adorable!!! Is she in Utah?

  11. Le sigh, I feel your pain. I hven’t had another one so I don’t know what happens eventually, but for now, my boobs have returned – after that depressing deflated period. You jsut have to gain a massive amount of weight first. by the way – way to write about the boob-balloon topic!!

  12. I totally hear it sista’ having finished 3 of my own. I once read in some girly magazine that you know you’re droopy once you can hold a pencil under your bosom and it stays. Well after nursing 3 kids I can carry pop cans underneath those things and they’re quite secure..it’s disgraceful! (but I’m a hit at parties)

  13. annie valentine says:

    I will say, this is the first time they’ve actually given up the ghost. After my first two kids I still had something to hold on to (bad pun, I know). Now…watch out for number 3, I’ll take inflation any day.

  14. They’re supposed to get smaller? Why did this not happen to my girls? Why? Why? WHY???

    They have gotten bigger with every stinkin’ kid!!

    Did you know they made G cups?


    Now you do.

    (And I’ve weaned my baby as well– 2 months ago to be exact…)

  15. h aha ha oh gosh. I’m nursing lady…and I don’t want to part with them!

  16. Wait!!!…….Wait!!…….Go to this blog!!!


    The Name of the Post is: “Keeping Them Full”

    It’s such a worthy cause and I think they’d love the EXPOSURE. All sizes welcome and my daughter Bree, would…well, she wouldn’t wear them, but I assure you, YOU will be blessed for your “good wishes”!

  17. Salami suprisingly doesn’t do so well. but I think Turkey does… looks more like skin

  18. With my first 2 kids, I got pregnant with the second while still breastfeeding… so I assumed my chest would just always remain bosomy… I was sadly mistaken after I weaned my second… really saddened. I obsessed over it like no-one should! I got pregnant just to get them back… and secretly, I have considered pumping for the rest of my life just to keep the girls!

  19. Mine don’t really do the empty sock with a ball thing, they are more like the amazing stretching boobs. So when I take my bra off gravity stretches them down to atleast my hips – and I’m still nursing #4. But this also means that I can nurse from across the room. Also I can use them like an extra appendage- – I could totally smack someone silly with a sinlge swat of the boob.

  20. I did this exact same thing! 3 years ago. Only I bought a 34B. Yes, you heard me right. a B! And it’s too big. Sad day. Sad, sad. I have like 3 inches of leftover room in my sad little b cup, so I went and bought some of those add a cup bra fillers, and I wear them everyday. So, now you know. I’m faking a B cup.
    I need some of Motherboard’s G. She’s got more than enough to go around….

  21. My mom told me I’m not supposet to talk about other’s girls BOOBIES…it’s blasphemous…but she’s not around so don’t tell her!

    But unfortunately…my BOOBIES blew up when I breastfed and stayed that way…

    My back gives me problems…I’d rather have it your way! 🙂

    You always want what u don’t have!

  22. This brings back bad memories.

    Memories of what USED to be & are no more.

  23. I vote for treats. Just because I think it’d be funny if you dug around in there every so often and came up with a Dorito while in line at the DMV or other places and freaked people out.

  24. Jen said “I’m sorry for your loss.”

    LOL! Sorry, I know you hate LOL. But really, I did.

  25. What does it mean if this happens and you don’t even have kids? Hypothetically speaking, or course. A friend wanted to know. It’s not for me. I mean, not that I would be ashamed if it was for me. Because breasts are natural and not shameful, and they are a gift of God. OK, goodbye.

    You can just take me off your sidebar now and stop visiting me.

  26. You’re too funny! I’m right there with you, though, having recently weaned my third. I think I’m about the size I was in the 6th grade now. Yikes. And not funny.

  27. Annie, mine are a C cup now…Yes, a slightly deflated C cup. I’m afraid if I loose the extra 20 they will be a REALLY deflated B. Maybe I should just get pregnant again so I can have a solid C. I like big boobies.

    But I think your bobbies are fantastic! But I haven’t seen you since the weight loss. I’m around Salami all day long, maybe I should adjust my diet?

  28. This is your best post ever. Loved it. Could relate. I think you should win an award for this one and my goodness, 26 comments? Your boobs are the ticket missy!

  29. I’m just impressed that with three kids and no co-parent you could actually go bra shopping. I mean, that is a time consuming project in itself, and it is not an activity that lends itself well to children in the dressing room with you. Way to go. Just fill that space with those shoulder pads from 80’s clothes. No one will know. Except all of us who read your blog.

  30. annie valentine says:

    Somehow I have the feeling that the next time I meet any of you in public, you’re all going to casually stare at my chest and wonder what’s taking up all that space.

  31. Oh Annie, what if you were only a “nearly A” to start with (yes, a “nearly A”) and then they get stretched out with four kids! Talk about pathetic. I’m not looking forward to the results when I wean baby#4. BTW, are you impressed with the So. Oregon fan base you have now? You can owe it all to me. . .your old and devoted EFY counselor. And how fun that my sweet sis-in-law had you as her counselor. This world is too too small. Loved the pics of your kiddos. They are all gorgeous. So glad we can keep in touch via blogging. Can’t wait to see that chest in person some day. Tiff

  32. Well, I’m a size A so I have that problem with my bras everyday of my life with old bras and new bras 🙂

    OMG! What’s with blog world and boobies these days? You’re the second bra-post I read tonight! So funny!

  33. I don’t think I’m ever going to wean the Baby.

  34. What was that you said about two new pockets for kleenex?

  35. on the bright side at least you can wear a bra, because it could be worse, you could be living in a tribe in the hot jungle hanging loose with all the other ladies, you know the ones we saw in the films in junior high and wondered why no old ladies we knew looked like that. I wish I still didn’t know that age/breastfeeding and gravity do not discriminate.