The Skinny on My Dress Size


It’s a funny thing about clothing sizes, sometimes we reach for the number we think we wear and are surprised (and often horrified) to find it’s too small. I had a little experience last weekend that I just can’t keep to myself. Why? Because news like this can’t stay tucked away in my closet.

During this past year of salami and skinniness, I’ve slowly shrunk out of all my clothes. The only things I haven’t replaced are my church clothes. They’ve gone from the attractively baggy stage to gunny sacks. So last Saturday I headed to the Outlets, in hopes of finding something my size in the 80% off range. I was not disappointed. 

Sifting through the clearance rack at Banana, I pulled out a few skirts and dresses in varying sizes (since some of them looked bigger than I remember them being). Armed with the full spectrum of waistlines, I headed to the dressing room.

First, I tried on an eight. Swimming. I reached for a six. Still swimming. Holding my breath, I slipped into a Banana Republic size four wool skirt and, miracle of miracles, zipped it right up, with no friendly fat rolls getting in the way. I was shocked. But even more shocking? It wasn’t skin tight. 

Can it be? Is this me? I breathlessly floated back out to the clearance rack to look in the size four section. Directly to the right of this section is a little group we like to call “2”. And there it was. The cutest black button up dress ever. I looked right and looked left, wondering if there was any possibility…

Let me pause and tell you that until that moment, I didn’t think “2” was a real size. I thought it was some mean, made-up size only available to the under ten crowd and women who smoke (because in my mind they’re all really skinny).  

Looking at the glaring “2” on the tag, I recklessly snatched that little black beauty  off the rack and sprinted for the dressing room, lest I gain five pounds on the trip across the store. My fingers were actually shaking as I unbuttoned the front and stepped in. I closed my eyes, prepped for popping. Suddenly I felt my arms sliding into the sleeves without any stitches barring their path. I squinted one eye open. 

There I stood, both arms comfortably hanging by my sides, and I hadn’t damaged any unpurchased merchandise. Now for the big test. Would it button? And if so, would it pucker? Hands trembling, I started the ascent. When I got to the top button I stood there staring. 

It fit. 

I’m sure the dressing room attendants were wondering what was going on in my dressing room with all the racket I made at that point. A chorus of “Whoop, there it is!” and a few bars of “I’m too sexy…” might have floated under the door. But the best part? When I waltzed into Ann Taylor I had the EXACT SAME EXPERIENCE.

And so, it is with great shouts of acclamation and joy that I share with you my new favorite number ever: “2”.


  1. Does this mean I need to learn to like Salami?

  2. I hate you.

    No, kidding.

    I REALLY HATE you.


  3. I’m with Sue. I think I was a size 2 when I was 4 years old. Boo on you.

  4. I still need to know your secret. Because apparently running your as* off doesn’t work

  5. Congratulations!

    (Trying . . . hard . . . not . . . to . . . hate . . .)

  6. Where’s your picture? I want a picture. In the dress. You are amazing.

  7. annie valentine says:

    You want a photo? What, don’t believe me? Fine. Photos are coming.

  8. YEAH for you! It’s going to be me soon!

  9. annie valentine says:

    Camille, you get the prize for best understanding of the Salami Way of Thinking.

  10. diana banana says:

    nope, just hate.

    isn’t it great when people hate you for this? i wish…

  11. Did thye have 2 2s? I could use a fantastic new dress.

  12. Wow good for you!!! and I really mean it. Picture of the cute black dress please…with you in it of course.

  13. Excellent! How exciting! I’ve recently had people telling me that I’m skinny, even thought I can’t have lost more than 5 pounds in the last few months, and still want to lose another 5-10, but I’ll take it! I’ll never be a size 2 though, as I don’t care for salami.

    Can’t wait for the pictures you PROMISED in the comments to post!

  14. Totally thrilled for you, and shopping with you will be fun again! Personally, I’m not into the 2 thing – I like having busoms. I’ll take my 6, thank you very much.

  15. WOW…that is so cool…

    *now behind your back* i hate you too! 🙂

  16. You have *this* to share and you email with the “I can’t work on my book” nonsense? Come on now. Seriously. This is better than a first-person revision, any day! Good girl.

  17. Congratulations! I was a 2 for most of my life because of genetic blessings. But age and childbirth changed things. When I lost all the weight and got back down to a 2 again, I didn’t like it. Weird, I know. I found that 6 is my happy size and I’m less than 10 pounds away. I can live with an 8, since I can wear all the cute styles I like when I’m that size, but the 6 is calling me…

  18. Wow! And you’re considering baby #4?!

  19. Congrats Annie! 🙂

  20. Congrats Annie! 🙂 I’m sure you look smokin’ hot!!!

  21. I’m with Jen. I like 6 or 8. But I’m not even there. I’m hovering at a 10 to 12. But this does mean I’m actually coming up this month. I need to see for myself. And I need to hurry quickly while I can still afford gas. Oh, wait, I’ll bring my mom too! Girls night out, here we come!

  22. OK, can I really hate someone I don’t actually know??

    You need to name your book ‘The “real” secret’ because obviously you have got a doosy, can you please re-post your salami, wasabi, diet coke plan, because I am in need of some inspiration, and a size two at Banana, is quite impressive!! You GO GIRL!!

  23. …and tomorrow you find out your pregnant. That’s totally what happened to me. Except that I wasn’t a size 2. Or anywhere close, for that matter. Actually I was already fat. But whatever. Buy a pregnancy test.

  24. And to think that I knew you when you were age 4, or somewhere close to that.

    Congrats, but I’ll have to confess that the whole dress size thing with women seems to be a way to confuse men by not disclosing the inches.

    If it means anything I’ve always thought of you as hot!

  25. I can no longer be your friend. Plain and simple.

    And just forget about visiting me – it’s over between the “2” of us.

  26. That’s hard work!! Congrats!!!

  27. Make sure to avoid walking over sewers or gutters, or the drain in the shower… you might fall in.

  28. I’m boycotting your blog until you are at least a size 6 or 8 !

  29. I used to wear a size that had a two in it (12) does that count? Although I now have you beat!!! I wear a zero (coughing whisper) with a one in front of it! You didn’t hear that last part did you? You’re a good friend…so I’m sure you didn’t!

  30. That’s it! This has made me realize this blog is fiction, just like Sue’s was, this is just too good to be true! 😉 Seriously, congrats, I can only dream of such skinniness. (And in those dreams I’m STILL drinking a Coke!)

  31. WOW! That is so great, and you look beautiful in it! I’m so happy for you, what a satisfaction you must feel. I am on my 4th day of working out with Tiffany each morning and ALL my muscles are burning as I type, but on MONDAY I start my first day of eating WELL. . .so I hope to follow you, at least to a size 8, since my body is pre-disposed to man size muscles.