Dear Fox Television,
I’m sorry to say that I will no longer be watching American Idol. Okay, that’s a lie. I will be fast forwarding through everything the judges say, do or wear so I can avoid any further discomfort caused by watching Paula try to speak in complete sentences.
I don’t care about dogs, dope or the contestant’s personal body temperature, and listening to Krandy try to do math gives me a headache. I’m not interested in what Paula has under her skirt, whether or not Simon remembered to change his shirt from last week, or if Ryan will ever make it through an entire show without hitting on at least one of the judges.
Come on, you might as well hand Adam Lambert the trophy and cancel the rest of the season. Lil Rounds can’t sing Motown (or country or pop or R&B), Scott can’t see, and any day now Kris’s wife is going to smuggle in a machine gun and mow down the female masses congregating outside his dressing room. The only attractive contestant you’ve got left, Megan, has apparently taken a job at the Copacabana.
By the way, do you think you could get me Smokey Robinson’s autograph?
Peace out,
Rush Limbaugh
You got rush to guest post on your blog? How’d you pull that off?
I am no longer “into” the show, but I watch it because I then run over to my computer and read the follow up articles over at ew.com. It’s too funny. They have a whole article dedicated to Paula’s poetry…for example
Finding the Moth and the Melon, Still Looking for the Point
What did you tell me Simon?
What did you tell me?
Simon gave me advice
and he said that on The X-Factor
he always refers to a
fortune cookie
and says the moth
who finds the melon
finds the cornflake
always finds the melon
and one of you didn’t get
the right fortune cookie.
(Giving advice to season 5 bottom two dwellers Kevin Covais and Jose ‘Sway’ Penala during semifinals)
Thank heavens someone knows how to explain my feelings…because I certainly don’t!!!
I’m going to have the people I email at work read your blog today…so BRILLIANT!
We all suspect Paula drinks quite a bit before the show…and what was the drawing on Paula’s face by Simon last night…weird? Maybe they are actually going to GET together?! 🙂
Wait, Adam Lambert?? What happened to Danny? I haven’t watched since the first week after Hollywood week (what is that section called anyway? Whittling down from 32?? to 13?) Anyway, turning off the satellite/DVR has made apparent what shows I really care about.
My DVR makes watching AI bearable. No more Krandy, no more Paula. No more roughnecker. No more commercials every 3 minutes and NO MORE SEACREST.
Another option is to find another show that you want to watch at the same time. It is totally do able because how many commercials there are.
I agree with Shelle. You said it so well.
You’re hilarious, you make me actually want to watch American Idol just so I can laugh at what you say even more! I LOVE you signed it Rush Limbaugh! hehehehe
You make me laugh! We have great fun playing “Paula Watch”: who sees her dancing first and who can understand what she is actually saying.
I love that show for all its quirks 😉
Hey, waiting for Paula to have a ‘moment’ is half the fun! I never can get enough of it when she’s totally trashed.
Totally agree about Paula. I pretty much never listen to her comments. And as much as I don’t care for Adam, he definitely took the night.
I just think it is funny how many people are hooked on the show, and yet kind of hate it at the same time. As if our lives don’t already have enough love-hate relationships!
As always, spot on! Why can’t I stop watching? It’s like a train wreck–I can’t look away. (Thank heavens for TiVo and fast forwarding through the miserable parts.)
If Adam doesn’t win, heads will roll.
I think Paula is mixing her pain meds and alcohol again.
I LOVED Smokey Robinson! He’s HOT! (And Adam can SING!)
at least they kicked someone off tonight that deserved it. What’s it going take to make Ms Utah kicked off? I thought cawing on a show was a death blow, yet she’s still there. I need SYTYCD stat!
Brilliant Annie! Your best recap yet.
Oh (LOL) Man (lol) Annie (LOL) you crack (lol) me UP!!!!!! I too feel like not watching AI anymore…not really. As soon as pretty petite blondie with a bit of red in her hair, was voted off- I voted myself off of caring. Too many reality shows going on right now!