We’re leaving today to spend the rest of the week in Sin City.

Remember when the dinosaurs came up with that funny line about what-happens-in-Vegas-stays-in-Vegas? That line is so funny. I still laugh every seven seconds when I hear someone say it.

Anyway, let’s talk for a moment about what DOESN’T happen in Vegas.

1. Laundry. For the rest of the week, no laundry will happen in Vegas. My children have one set of clothing for each day and if they pee, puke, or spill on it, they’re wearing it anyways because I. Don’t. Care.

2. Dishes. Yes, our room has a small kitchenette, and no, I will not lift even a pinky to rinse a dish. I shall leave them piled up in the sink each day and vacate the room so the maid can load the dishwasher. If I’m feeling generous, I might even leave a tip (although no one ever tips me). And if the maid fails to come and clean the room, I shall stack them outside my door. Ha.

3. Carpool. I will not have to pick up my child from kindergarten for the rest of the week. I hate this job. I detest this job. Loading and belting everyone into the car so we can drive nine seconds down the highway to his elementary school is a form of parental abuse. There will be no carpooling in Vegas.

4. Snow. It won’t snow in Vegas, and if you try to tell me differently I will curse you with a pox.

5. Vacuuming. Sweeping. Mopping. Dusting. Scraping oatmeal off the floor under the bar. Getting peanut butter off the window frames. Wiping down toilets splattered with “lemonade” (or not seeing the lemonade and sitting first). Sandwich crumbs scattered in my bed (because Rex and his animals like to go “swimming” right after lunch).

I don’t really care about what I do in Vegas this week, I only care about what I don’t do. Do you think total and complete laziness counts as a sin? I sure hope so.