Oh, the guilt!

Remember that movie Pretty Woman? The one where the hooker spends a week in a hotel room takingย  bubble baths and listening to Prince, then entertaining her employer in the evenings with her womanly tricks? You know, the movie where she enjoys lavish dinners, insane shopping trips, a complete escape from her real life. Well, this week I’m kind of like her. Only I’m not a hooker and I am married to my benefactor (who’s really cheap, thanks to Dave Ramsey). But the rest of it is kind of the same.

We’re in Florida. That’s right, I have left my three little harpies in the able hands of their grandmothers and run away to the beach for the week. As I write this, I’m sitting in my hotel room, listening to the waves crash on the shore right outside the window. All is perfect and right with the world.

And I feel guilty.

I am so totally not supposed to feel guilty here. This trip should be full of sun tan lotion and twenty-year-old sci-fi books. (You know a 1982 copyright sci-fi book has missed the mark when it’s set in 3011 and people are still listening to tapes and writing instructions down in pencil. )

It’s not my kids I’m feeling bad for, it’s their poor grandmothers. June Bug is kind of a terror right now. I haven’t been writing it down because I keep thinking that if I don’t commit her horrible acts of naughtiness to the blog, maybe they’ll go away. That doesn’t seem to be working. She repeatedly splashes her feet in the toilet and shoves things up her nose. (I’m not ready to talk about my Mother’s Day experience yet. Let’s just say we skipped out of Sacrament meeting and took a little trip to the ER.)

So don’t worry, I won’t enjoy this trip one bit. No sir, sitting on the beach is going to be torture, and I am certain none of the five books I brought will hold my attention at all. Even a dip in the really gorgeous pool, or a soak in the hot tub will come at a price. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll do it, but only because I have to.

Oops, must run. Room service, you know.


  1. That’s the kind of torture I would love to experience. And waterboarding. Seems awesome.

  2. BTW, did you see the info about my next blog lunch? Are you going to come?

  3. Why are you even BLOGGING? Enjoy the beach! Don’t you worry about us, or your kids. I’m sure the grandparents know exactly how to handle any situation.

  4. lucky lucky you!!! Have fun… I mean torture yourself!

  5. Oh You Lucky Duck! :P* <-that’s me sticking my tongue out at you hee hee….have fun!

  6. The longest I’ve ever been away from my kids was five days, but it was for Girls Camp. But I was still AWAY, so it was all good. The best thing was there was no cell service, so I just kind of HAD to forget and move on for those couple days.

    So, I say trap yourself on a deserted island (with room service of course) and go to town! HAVE A BLAST!

  7. You deserve the guilt – all of it – for every vacay you take while leaving me stuck at home with kids and work.

    There is something wrong with this Universe.

  8. Enjoy every minute of it! Guilt and all!

  9. So that makes me really want to hear about that mothers day trip to the ER. Maybe if you blog it, your guilt will slightly abate.

  10. What is with all these trips? Is your husband with you? Lucky you! I haven’t been on a trip alone in FOREVER!

  11. Oooh, can I join ya? I’m only a couple of states away!

  12. Did your benefactor get you a sassy red dress and pearls?

  13. annie valentine says:

    No red dress, but I went to Ross and bought an armload of bikinis for the first time in my life. I kind of feel like now that I’m married, who cares?

  14. I am not buying this, “the hubby’s cheap” stuff anymore! Vegas…Florida…come on! I am so cheap all I’ll let Bryce plan is a roadtrip down the Oregon Coast.

    So you just enjoy your vacation and no more guilt. Maybe he’ll get cheap enough to take you to Europe next ๐Ÿ™‚

  15. OMG Annie this is HILARIOUS…and all you other folks making comments should be jealous that I KNOW what happened on Sunday during Sacrament Meeting, but don’t worry Annie…it’s way more common than you think. It’s not just June Bug. ๐Ÿ™‚

  16. Aww, you poor thing. I’m totally crossing my fingers that you’ll survive and not come home to the plumber trying to get your little one out of the U-bend. =]

  17. I can’t belive you are even on a computer while you are at the beach! You are nuts…or addicted. ๐Ÿ™‚ Have a great vacation and unload that guilt!!

  18. Be gone with you and your womanly tricks!

    (The grandmothers won’t read the comments, right?)

  19. OH the pain of a vacation away from the kids. If only I could have taken that pain and guilt away from you I would have. I’m giving like that.

  20. annie valentine says:

    Kelly, his work is paying for every cent of it. Seriously. He’s not on vacation, I am.

  21. Enjoy your kidless time at the beach. Seriously. Guilt has no place in the tropical sun. I’m jealous. Wear sunscreen and shades.

  22. Although I completely understand where you are coming from, ENJOY YOUR VACATION!!!!