Don’t you think teenagers who have sex are so cool?

Last night I finally got around to watching last week’s previously taped season premiere of Glee, the new dramedie on Fox.

Let me just say, nothing in the world makes me happier than an entire program devoted to the life and times of a high school show choir. Truly, if only more kids would realize how much fun performance is this world would be a better place. I was sure this show was going to uplift and inspire kids everywhere to get involved in their local programs.

Then I watched the show.

I’m sorry, but there is something inherently wrong with a show that spins teenage abstinence as evil. The nasty popular girls have a Celibacy Club. Personally, I think Celibacy Clubs in high schools are a great idea, especially when they’re backed by the cute cheerleaders. Kids who willingly commit themselves to an STD-free lifestyle? Yeah, baby.

But do you think the Celibacy Club is portrayed as a good thing? Of course not. In fact, the nice, unpopular star of the show joins the club just long enough to bear her soul about the ridiculousness of celibacy as opposed to the higher, and more desirable practice called “safe sex”.

She tops her speech off by blurting out what might be the biggest lie television has ever told. In a moment of courageous clarity, she informs the entire club that, “Girls want sex just as bad as guys do!”


I’m sorry…


Right. Because teenage girls think about sex 50 times an hour. Yeah, when they wear short skirts and tight tops, they’re thinking, “Boy, I hope all the boys picture me naked today!”

This is something my husband and I have argued about for years. He doesn’t believe me that girls don’t always intentionally turn guys on. He thinks any girl who wears revealing clothing knows exactly what all the boys are thinking about her.

Allow me to set something straight here. While there are well-versed girls out there who do try to catch the wrong kind of eye, there are plenty of other young girls who are just plain dumb. Seriously.

I can remember this cute little plaid skirt I wore in high school. As far as the boys were concerned, my thoughts didn’t go further than, “I hope so-and-so thinks I look cute today…” I didn’t even know boys had thoughts that went beyond kissing, because mine certainly didn’t.*

The show topped itself off with the newly formed Glee Club performing the most lewd, offensive sexual number I have ever seen on television. Done by high schoolers.

How much worse can it get?

*This is what happens when you decide to focus on your education.


  1. Call me a prude, but I was having a difficult time watching Hanna Montana yesterday because the subject was on kissing and boyfriends. Elise is 7 years old! I really should have just shut the TV off right then and there. It’s a show that she really looks forward to because we don’t have cable so she is able to watch it on Saturday mornings. We’re going to have to cut off the Saturday morning TV watching if things continue this way.

  2. I didn’t even make all the way through the show. It was awful.

  3. It is so nice to sit and read a blog that so perfectly echoes my feelings on this subject. Thank you for putting it so honestly and eloquently.

  4. You forgot the part where the teacher of the Glee club wants to cheat on his wife. And when I was I teenager I did not know that I could affect how many MORE times in a day a guy thought of sex just by the outfit I wore.

  5. I usually agree with you on a lot of things but I’m taking a bit of offence to what you’ve put here.

    1) Just because you’re having sex does not mean that you are living a life full of STD’s. In fact I know so few people in my group of friends who have actually had an STD, as yes we really TALK about that stuff, and I lead an active sex-life and have never had an STD. It takes sense, and yes practicing safe sex. Honestly I think it is incredibly naive to think that we can stop teenagers from having sex, more important to teach them to practice it safely if they do chose to have it.

    Sex. Is. Not. Evil.

    2) Not sure on what school you went to but I went to a fantastic and well known school back home and believe me, girls thought about sex quite often. I’ve often said that girls are a lot more graphic in talking about sex than boys and share A LOT more details than guys ever do with their friends. Whilst we might not think about as much as teenage boys do girls definitely think about sex!

    3) The dumbs girls are more the exception than the norm. Teenage girls know exactly what they are doing when they show cleavage off, wear tight pants and short skirts. They want the boys to want them. Yup, there are some who don’t realise the affect they have on boys but if you really think that those cheerleader types DON’T know what they’re doing with those short skirts then you need to open your eyes!

    I have no problem with Celibacy Clubs at school, the problem I have with them is forcing their ideals and opinons on other children.

    No means no in many aspects of life.

  6. annie valentine says:

    Good comment, Miss M. I always appreciate your view point.

    Personally, I think it’s sad that sexually active teenagers are the norm. I have yet to meet a kid under the age of 18 who’s ready for a truly committed relationship, or a child (which does happen, even with protection). I firmly believe, from my own experience, that sex is made for adults who know what they’re doing, not teenagers who are playing with hormones. Abstinence never hurt anybody.

  7. Thank you for this – I was looking forward to watching Glee on my DVR, but I just deleted it without watching it. Teens having sex makes me want to vomit. It made me want to vomit when I was a was a teen. I remember waking up the morning after my wedding day, laying next to my husband who I knew loved me for forever and even though I felt a little vulnerable and blown away by what had happened the day/night before, I felt so safe knowing the man next to me was just as commited to forever as I was and would never leave me. I couldn’t imagine having a sexual experience with someone when I was a volitile teen girl and having the guy next to me get up, put his clothes back on and leave. Dang I’m so glad my parents taught me to wait. I think we can stop teens having sex if you start by teaching them respect and the gospel when they are 3, not 13. And we should.

  8. Don’t care how the media/tv portrays it. Such a small amount of teenagers are out there as lewd sex machines that must have it on a regular basis. Life is not Sex and the City, we are just meant to think that is it or there is something wrong with us. It is sick and wrong and such a poor portrayal.

    I completely agree with your take on it Annie, and I still dress just to look cute. I know most girls are still just thinking that also. Only the ones who are having sex actually know what clothing can do to a guy’s thought process. Oh and no one said sex is evil but using it the way many are these days resulting in many of the negative results emothionally, physically, and spiritually is not helping our society one bit.

  9. I agree that teenagers aren’t ready for serious committment but sex isn’t always about that.

    Again getting accidentally pregnant can happen to adults too. I don’t think that you can save sex until marriage in all circumstances – look at me, I’m almost 27 and am not settled down, am nowhere near to being settled down and wouldn’t want to be but am happily having sex with guys I date and am not scarred by the experience at all.

    Sometimes abstinence is a good thing but you can’t force everyone in to it because then you are just creating people who can’t think for themselves and forcing boundaries on people which makes them want to rebel even more.

    Why can’t you practice both? Explain to your children that in your opinion abstinence IS the best but that if they are intend on having sex regardless of what you say then safe sex is the way to go. Parents should be open about this stuff.

    Sex isn’t a dirty evil thing, it’s totally natural and sometimes you can’t stop yourself from doing it. Better to be completely prepared than follow the line of abstinence and when it happens to get pregnant because you didn’t know how to equip yourself.

    Also in an environment of abstinence some teens rush in to marriage at a young age with their high school sweetheart because they WANT to have sex and have been taught you can only have sex before marriage. What’s worse: Having sex outside of marriage and being a teenager or having a child born in to a loveless environment of two kids who weren’t old enough to understand what a proper relationship was but just wanted to have sex.

    YES some high school sweethearts last but in all honesty how many of us are still with the boys that we dated in high school???? Or would want to be.

    Kevin Jonas is 21 and engaged to be married – personally I think that is unnerving, he’s still just a kid and getting married! I think a lot of that is a hormonal push to have sex but in all honesty how many 21 year olds are ready to get married and have kids???

  10. Kelly – do you really think that only people having sex know what looking good does to boy’s minds???

    Personally I think that sex is one of the things bottom on the list of what is wrong with society. I’d rather stop all war, violence, greed, crime, global warming and anger first before starting on sex!

  11. Yeah-I was hugely disappointed in the second episode after the first one had been so fun! Hopefully things only go up from here…

  12. Yes M. Teenage girls are who we are talking about here, not 20 somethings. I don’t think middle school and high school girls in the majority are going to school dressed to have sex. Of course, like Annie said, they want so and so to think they are CUTE. But there is a huge diff between wanting to look cute to a boy and wanting to have sex with him. Let’s not treat our young girls as adults or let the media portray them as such either.

  13. Kelly I’m not saying that they want to have sex with every single guy they see and want the boys to want to have sex with them too but you definitely dress to get the boys attention and that isn’t in a platonic way!

    I’m saying that just because you haven’t had sex doesn’t mean you don’t realise the affect your short skirt or tight jeans is having on the boys. Those girls definitely want the captain of the football team to notice them and want to date him and are dressing to do so.

    I’m not treating young girls like adults, I don’t think that they should all be having sex with their boyfriends – or that boys should be having sex with their girlfriends – I just think that it is naive to think that girls don’t want to be having sex and that it is naive to think that having sex corrupts you physically and emotionally.

  14. I feel like us people who waited to have sex until we were married are like mythical unicorns and people don’t believe that we exist.

    I don’t want to get on a soapbox, but I’ve worked with at-risk youth for over 10 years now, and the things kids are doing are CRAZY. Personally, I wish no teenagers would have sex because of the emotional maturity issue.

    But the real reason it’s such an issue is because of lack of information. I work in the Salt Lake Valley, in a counseling center for adolescents, and a lot of LDS teenagers, and teenagers in general, are having sex. And many of their parents are doing a horrible job of teaching them about it. Many of them don’t talk about it at all. So I do agree with Miss M in this regards. Talk to you kids about how your values promote abstinence, but don’t then think that the job is done. Kids need information. Talking about sex doesn’t equal doing it.

  15. annie valentine says:

    Okay, let’s take a step back. All we’re saying here is that teenagers shouldn’t be having sex, not that sex is evil or corrupt or bad in any way. Heck, I love sex! It’s my favorite past time!

    My point is simple. Teach kids abstinence. Kids, not 27 year old adults. For goodness sakes, adults are old enough to know what they’re doing and handle the feelings and results. Kids? No.

    The world takes care of preaching Safe Sex around every corner, so as parents, we should shoot for a higher standard and teach kids NO sex until they’re ready for a commitment with someone they care about. I’m so glad my parents were open and honest about how wonderful sex is in a loving and committed relationship, it made me realize that I didn’t want to waste something special (because it is special) with the stupid boys I went to high school with. Believe it or not, kids can control themselves. We should encourage it.

    Sex is not bad. CHILDREN having sex and playing around with feelings and powers that they’re not ready for, is.

  16. Kristina – I actually have a friend who is 27 and still a virgin. And I thoroughly respect her for it but just wouldn’t want to be her!

  17. That last comment says it all, Annie. Who said they thought sex was dirty? It’s faaaaabulous – in the right context.

    -Another mythical unicorn 🙂

  18. Amen, sister. Amen.

    I was SO excited for Glee. Not what I expected.

  19. Your Standard Examiner column….classic! I hope my friends don’t read it though and have ideas to come after me.

  20. Yeah, that epidsode was a bummer. It just aggravates me that there wasn’t a more balanced viewpoint of teen sexuality. It’s like kids who practice abstinence are idiots. It made me mad.

  21. my mom married when she was 19 years old and I think she had sex before she turned 20. I don’t have a problem with that.

  22. Well, if you were looking for a controversial topic for your newspaper column, I think you found it.

    Having said that, I agree with you 150%.

  23. Thank you for making sure I never see that show. Ever.

    And sex is awesome.

    But even more so when you’re sure he’ll be there in the morning.

  24. My 10 year old daughter and I watched the season premeir last spring. We loved it, but I could tell by the previews that the show was not going to be something I could approve for her to watch. So it will not be seen at our house. And I don’t think I will be that sad about it, after all.

  25. true whoever said you found your hot topic! I feel exactly as you do about this- I was SO looking forward to this show, after seeing the very clean and fun pilot episode- they pulled a fast one on us! I fired off a note to the FOX, expressing my opinion. I’m sure it will do not good, but I just had to do it anyway.

  26. I heard once that women need to feel loved to want to have sex and men want to have sex to feel loved.

    I think in the younger years thats true too. Girls want attention, to feel noticed, to feel important, to feel like someone wants them, loves them, needs them. Personally I think thats why girls dress the way they do, subconsciously or not. I know when I was in HS my aim wasn’t to have sex with a boy, but I did want to be noticed.

    Anyway this is only off the sentence you mentioned of the way girls dressed and my two cents.

  27. Okay I’m sorry I’m just catching up on your posts…but your Miss Peabody was brilliant! 🙂

    On to Glee…I was shocked also how that twist came about! Or how the married man flirts with the single school teacher.

    And I was one of those dumb girls! I NEVER thought passed kissing, honestly!

  28. We haven’t had this show in England yet, I am glad to say. I have 2 daugthers aged 11 and nearly 13, choosing television for them to watch is a nightmare. I try to get a feel for their shows but cannot possibly watch everything with them. At school they hear about anything they have missed too. They are aware that their friends watch things they would not be allowed, in fact some friends watch things I would not allow myself! We live in a society which is falling apart morally. I teach my children to stay chaste for many reasons and hope that they will follow through. I married as a 31 year old virgin by the way, and am proud of it.

  29. I also wanted to point out that I think that parents are making the mistake of thinking that Glee is somehow like High School Musical. Honestly, I would never think that any show on Fox, that has been highly marketed as from the makers of the Nip/Tuck, one of the most subversive shows on TV, would be appropriate for teenagers.

  30. Whoa. Explosion of comments here. Way to rock the scene, Annie. =]
    I’m with you about the portrayal of sex/no-sex. I honestly believe that teenagers don’t have the emotional understanding of the ramifications of a sexual relationship–and that’s religious/personal beliefs aside. TV like that only makes it more convoluted, I think.

  31. Laurel Albrecht says:

    Annie- you are wise beyond your years.

  32. I agree Annie. I was SO disappointed. My 13 y.o. son was so excited about this show because he thought it would be funny and kind of make fun of HSM which he loves to do. I was excited to have a show we could watch together (there is nothing anymore!) But this made me want to hurl. I am so with you on teen abstinence. It shouldn’t even be an issue at their age. Yes adults get pregnant accidentally, but they are not TEENS. Children. They don’t have the emotional maturity it takes to deal with sexual issues yet. There is so much invested when a couple has sex. People get hurt. People treat it flippantly, but it changes things. Teenagers should not be dealing with such huge issues at a time when they are barely aware of who they are and are figuring out life and all it has to offer. Wait on it. Like you said – abstinence never hurt anyone.

    Sex is something that should be prized and held as special for the right person when you are ready – hopefully when you are ready to commit to that person for life or longer. If TV did (A LOT) less of this garbage, maybe we “naive” people wouldn’t be viewed as mythical unicorns.

  33. I definitely don’t think that 13 year olds should be watching that show however it is on at 9pm which over here in the UK is after the Watershed meaning that it has adult content in it.

    The show was never billed as High School Musical and already had comments about how dark the humour and content was.

    I think that what the “unpopular” girl said about safe sex is so true. Informed teenagers are more likely to make the right choice as opposed to children who are only told to abstain and not told how to protect themselves. These are the ones who are more than likely going to rush off and marry the first boy they feel any sort of strong feeling for just so they can have sex.

    Because yes, we are still thinking about sex even when not having it.

    I’d rather have a teenager who is in a relationship with their high school partner and having them come to me to say that they think they are ready to have sex, discuss it with me, know the right way to protect themselves and be able to make that choice themselves about whether they are ready than have the idea of sex being bad unless you’re married.

  34. annie valentine says:

    Fair Miss M, but one word for those of us who chose to abstain in high school. I did not, and I repeat, did not, run off and marry the first boy who made my insides squirm. I married a kind, sensitive, humble man who also saved himself for marriage. We’ve been married ten years and I can tell you right now, you’d be hard pressed to find a couple who’s more perfectly matched, both in and out of the bedroom.

    Parents need to talk to their kids about having sex, and that includes waiting until you’re an adult to have an adult relationship, whether that means marriage or long term commitment. Kids should not have sex in high school. It’s a shame more people don’t tell them that.

  35. True – a friend of mine is 27 and still a virgin and plans on waiting for marriage. Hasn’t met the right boy yet.

    I didn’t lose my virginity in high school but plenty of my friends did. They lost it with their long term high school boyfriend and none of them have said that they regret it or think they made a bad decision.

    I think that casual sex for teenagers is bad, personally not a fan of casual sex at many levels as it just isn’t enjoyable for girls BUT I don’t understand abstaining from something which is fantastic until your married.

    I dated a boy through uni for almost 4 years and thankfully we never got married as that would have been a disaster but we had fantastic sex and when we did break up I have never regretted having sex with him.

    What is wrong with having sex when you’re in a meaningful relationship even though it never ended in marriage? And you can have those when you are still a teenager.

    ps – I don’t have a problem with people who wait for marriage to have sex, I just have a problem with it being expected or pushed upon everyone. Whilst abstaining is a choice for some, having sex before marriage is also a choice for some and doesn’t distort the person or their morals in anyway what so ever.

  36. Please forgive my bluntness, but I cannot refrain from pointing out the fact that no matter how loose our society’s definition of morality has become, there IS such a thing as absolute truth. And God spoke it when he said “thou shalt not commit adultery.”

    The greatest explanation I have ever read of why God wants us to save sex for marriage is found here:

  37. Here’s (here’re?) my two cents on Miss M’s last comment (glad you’re here to provide balance, by the way! 🙂

    I can’t imagine sleeping with another man. My husband is mine and I’m his and we are happy together. I feel like I sort of have a protection from falling into any relationship outside of marriage (and all of the tragic consequences it could mean for my family) because I have always been faithful to my husband — even before marriage — and the idea is just so foreign.

    Because I was never “sexually active” outside of marriage I might not see this just right, but I would hate to know that my husband might think about the other girls he’d slept with or compared me physically or in bed with them. I’m sure that would be natural, but I think those are the kind of things we really are meant to stay away from. Commitment and loyalty in marriage is something that most people today still think is important (I think! Hope!) and it seems it would be easier if you abstained before marriage.

    I think it has a lot to do with self control. You mention that sometimes it’s impossible to abstain. I disagree. Very likely, though, for someone who’s not been taught about abstinence and especially who doesn’t agree with it, it pretty much IS impossible, because there’s no motivation. But I KNOW that just like any other emotion you act on, this is something that you can (and I believe should) learn to control.

    I also think that if you understand abstinence, you don’t go out and marry the first person you fall in love with. It’s about learning what makes a meaningful relationship and filling yours with those things, and saving sex until your ready for more commitment. I hate to even talk in terms of just finding someone you care about because I feel very strongly that God has set a pretty clear standard on when is the right time to have sex, and I think it’s best to do what He, um, recommends? Commands? Whatever. But I know not everyone cares about that or thinks much about it. Still, this is one of the big motivators for waiting not just until you’re emotionally ready to handle it, but also until you have actually tied the knot (which makes dealing with an unexpected pregnancy less tragic, too).

    I think teens jumping into marriage in order to have sex is not something that happens as often as you make it sound. Also, abstinence NEEDS to be taught, not as a commandment that all teens must obey, of course, but as the very best means of keeping yourself safe from a lot of dangers. OF COURSE teens will (and should) choose for themselves, but they need to NOT be told that they are now of the age when they SHOULD be having or thinking about having sex and therefore should do it safely. THAT is the wrong message.

    Also, I hope to never be judgmental of someone making a different choice than me. It’s not like I think someone is BAD for not following what God says. That would be dumb. Unless you have the same convictions and background as I do, it makes not sense for you to agree with me! Or even to really fully understand where I’m coming from. But I also hope that others can understand that when someone says that sex should be saved for marriage it’s something that they value as extremely important, and making fun of them or laughing about it as being unrealistic is silly. Afterall, many people DO do it!

    Teaching that sex is evil is evil in itself (it’s a lie and is the wrong/worst way to try to convince people/teens to abstain). This doesn’t mean it can’t be wrong to do it at some points in your life. Hope that clears up the sex being bad or evil. It’s not even a BAD thing (the act itself) when teens do it. It’s just a wrong thing.

    Oh, I’m really sorry I just went ON and ON and ON. At least no one has to read this unless they want to. I’ll allow myself to hit “submit” knowing that. 🙂

  38. Holy Crap! I just wanted to read this post after you mentioned it today, and here I am 2 hours later just getting through all the comments! (Uh, yeah, i read REALLY slow.) Who’da thunk you would get so much crap for a ‘Glee’ post? But you handled it all in a very respectful, stand-your-ground kind of way that I think is awesome!

  39. I MIGHT be one of those rare girls who thinks about sex as much as guys do…. But now I will go through and read all your comments… Oooo juicy!


  1. […] 16, 2009 in Uncategorized I’ve been thinking a lot about the Glee post I wrote on Monday about teens having sex. I feel like something more needs to be […]