Teens and sex: the last word

I’ve been thinking a lot about the Glee post I wrote on Monday about teens having sex. I feel like something more needs to be said.

The fact is, we must talk to our children about having sex, and I don’t mean about having “safe sex”. Many schools have chosen the “they’re going to do it anyway” approach, and in some cases they’re right. But what about all the kids who don’t realize that their virtue just might be worth hanging onto?

Oh, how I would like to take those lovely young girls in my arms, hug them tight, and beg them to wait. Wait for the wonderful, beautiful thing that happens between a man and a woman who love each other. Don’t sell out for a quickie in the backseat of someone’s car, or a sweaty intense moment at a party.

Guard yourself and keep that very, very special part of you safe until you’re ready to give yourself to a man that you love and trust. A man, not a boy who can’t see beyond your zipper and bra. Sure, you’re in love. That’s not a good enough of a reason to have sex, because sex is so much more than that.

There is power in intimacy, both physically and emotionally. The girls who go to high school where my sister substitutes have no idea how beautiful and valuable they are. They see themselves as sex objects, and so become such. They’re actually surprised to hear people tell them that they can and should wait. All they hear these days, from adults and kids alike, is that everybody’s doing it so “be prepared”. That, is a tragedy.

We should talk to them and give them a reason to wait. Sure some won’t, but think of all the girls who will. I wish I could parade Jason around in front of them and say, “See? See how much wonderful is in store for you if you hold on and wait for a man who offers love and commitment?”

And I’ll tell you right now, there is nothing more fun than ten years of sex with a companion that you’ve promised your heart and soul to. No one-night stand or three-week fling can compete with that. Find a man who not only says he loves you, but will be there to support you, physically and emotionally, and you’re ready to have sex.

It doesn’t matter what kind of choices a girl has made in the past. It’s never to late to wait.


  1. You’ve had an amazing outpouring of comments, so I didn’t even want to say anything, but I decided I would.
    I think you are dead on. I agree with you so much, and my own three girls are going to be educated, because it is the right thing to do, but….saving something so sacred for marriage is right on!!!

  2. Annie, I completely agree. Both my husband and I waited, and it’s something I believe strongly in. I definitely don’t judge people who don’t. People make their own decisions.

    My sister got pregnant when she was 16. My mom had left the church at that point and she was very open with my sister about sex and took her to get birth control pills. Which my sister didn’t take everyday. We love our nephew so much, but my brother and I have talked about how that one decision changed my sister’s life forever, and she has struggled SO MUCH since then.

    I’m a big believer in giving kids A LOT of information. About sex, drugs, etc.

    Oh, and P.S. I did an open call for people to submit to my giveaway, you goofball! You didn’t email me. Still coming Saturday, right?

  3. diana banana says:

    how do you convince them that they haven’t found those things when they really think they have? there in lies the rub.

  4. What a great post. Thank you.

  5. Agreed. Like all sacrifice, it means forgoing something good in order to get something better. Those who claim their life is fine despite uncommitted intimacy are rightfully enjoying something that is “good” or fun, but it’s at a price of something better. Unfortunately, sacrifice requires faith, and there doesn’t seem to be a whole lot of that floating around nowadays.

  6. Thank you for being the voice of reason in the chaotic world! By the way my husband enjoyed meeting Mrs. Peabody last night!

  7. very well said!

  8. I agree with everything you’ve written there but I think that you don’t have to be married to have all that.

    “Guard yourself and keep that very, very special part of you safe until you’re ready to give yourself to a man that you love and trust. A man, not a boy who can’t see beyond your zipper and bra.”

    I’ve had that with someone. And sure it was sad when it ended but I will never regret the fact that I slept with him because we shared some amazing experiences. If we’d have gotten married at the height of our relationship I might have ended up with children from a broken home as we were not meant to be.

    I definitely don’t think you should waste sex on a quickie in the backseat (fun in some situations with your partner) or a fumble at a party, it should be with someone that you care but I don’t think that only comes with marriage.

    I think it is amazing that you were all lucky enough to meet your perfect man and fall in love with him so quickly. I’m sure it is amazing to know that you are the only people you’ve both been with but I don’t like the fact that you’re saying that if you don’t wait until then you won’t necessarily find him. You have no idea how lucky you are that you found him so easily but not all of us are so lucky.

    But if you have sex before you’ve found him you’re not broken. You’re not damaged goods.

    I’ll never regret any of my past relationships and the sex that I have had. Sure I regret the one night stands and stopped having them a few years back but if I get involved in a relationship with someone I see no reason to hold myself back from something so wonderful.

  9. annie valentine says:

    Totally right, Miss M. I don’t believe there is ever such a thing as Damaged Goods, no matter what has befallen a person. And I NEVER said you had to be married to find that kind of commitment. For me, it meant marriage.

    I totally understand that there are beautiful, committed relationships out there who don’t feel the same way about marriage as someone like myself might feel, but it doesn’t mean they aren’t committed to each other.

    And as always, I love your take on things.

  10. Well said, Annie. There is a lot of gold in this post.

  11. I have taught my boys from day one about respect. Respect for themselves, respect for others. This then unfolds into respect for girls and women as they grow into maturity and enter the dating scene. My husband and I have from day one made our standards known. I am a firm believer that you cannot start too soon. I have seen in families where the parents have waited for the “right time” to talk about their standards and beliefs to their children. The right time is when they are little. Use examples both positive and negative. Why the negative doesn’t work. Why the positive does work. The child will know that you care and the lines of communication will be open for whatever may come up.

  12. I couldn’t agree more! It makes me so sad to think of young ladies not respecting themselves. Being young is hard enough without the complications of trying to love like an adult! I wish that schools would teach the value of enjoying being young and not trying to grow up too fast!

  13. I soooo love your last line in this post. It’s never too late to wait. That resonates with me so much and it would make such a difference to so many young women if they understood that too.

  14. I’m saving this post for when my daughter is old enough for me to talk to her about it. You said it so perfectly. They should put you in young womens. That was the only lesson we ever had. Every Sunday it was, Don’t do it. Period. You said it much better.

  15. Well Said! I couldn’t agree with you more. Thanks for speaking out about a sensitive subject.

  16. Laurel Albrecht says:

    The act of sex (as stated by many) is more than just pleasure and closeness between two people. It is indeed the power to be a partner with God in pro-creation. I am so grateful for my upbringing and the knowledge I was given to know that keeping my virtue was truly the most sacred thing I could do for myself. I had all the facts and it was my decision. Allowing our children to understand why and when it is time for them to make this decision is the ultimate empowerment…. the ultimate gift to themselves, their future spouse, and most importantly, to a Father in Heaven who created it that way in the beginning.

    Once again Annie, you are wise beyond your years.

  17. Rock it OUT! Yes yes! All of what you’re saying is totally awesome! I have a little sister who is only 14 and heading down this path of giving herself to someone who she’s made fun of to me, said she thought he was ugly and a weirdo….but yet she’ll do whatever he wants because so many young girls get caught up in boys and also what their friends do. Or what they think is “expected” of them. I remember the pressure and I’m telling you…I totally whole heartedly (experiencingly-that’s not a word…whatever) remember clearly and know the pressures you face as a young girl (or boy) to just give yourself willingly. I went to school with people who thought it was a bigger deal that the boy held their hand in public or hugged them in public then it was for the sex they gave so willingly. The sex was first…the hand holding came later. That’s how lightly sex is taken. And I happen to believe that a lot and (maybe I can be so bold to say most) kids are quite aware of safe sex….but have no idea of the power of sex and no idea of how it can affect them if they do this HUGE thing too early. So I agree with you that it needs to be spoken to them about the power and commitment of it. Not the…”well you’re gonna do it anyway here’s some condoms and pills” approach. They already know that. AND they’ll have that stuff with them AND still CHOOSE not to use them. Because they are too young, and don’t understand the emotional or physical repercussions that come with doing such an adult thing. I know…I fought this battle as a teen…..and lost. That’s a pretty huge confession on a strangers blog for all to read but I feel like maybe it helps to know that I’m not just a girl who did “everything she was suppose to” so how the heck would I know…kind of person.

    I know.

    I love that you’ll say this.

    Many won’t!

  18. I’ve enjoyed reading these posts, Annie. Thanks for sharing them. Looks like you can add this subject to your new column. 🙂