Ten ways to say “I’m Sorry”

Wow. Wow wow wow. Talk about the never ending story.

Okay, here’s the scoop. When I got back from meeting with my son’s teacher the other day, I was really shaken up. It’s never easy for a journalist to hear that something meant for a general audience was taken so, so personally. And that’s what happened. I wrote a piece about an issue facing mothers and schools, naming no teachers, schools, or districts, and very very sadly, my own school took it as a personal attack.

It wasn’t a private issue, it was a public issue so I wrote about it on a public forum. Why? Because I’d like to see the policy change, and I’m in a position to say something.

Very regretably, people took offense. I’m very gifted in this department, I can offend just about anyone without even knowing it. Trust me, it’s a talent I’ve been accidentally cultivating for years.

On top of my ability to offend, I have a problem with honesty. I’m kind of really honest, especially on my blog.

When I spoke with Harry’s teacher, I was shocked. I didn’t know what was going on at the school, finding out that so many people were angry at me took me completely off guard. I felt terrible.

I came home and wrote about it, because that’s what I do. In looking back, I probably should have kept the bit about teachers not wanting anything to do with me to myself, but that was really upsetting. And dare I say, I’ve been trying hard not to take offense that so many people took offense when none was intended.

I’m just a mom who loves her boy and wants him to get the best childhood I can offer. Finding out that maybe people don’t like us because I stood up and said something about an issue was really tough, and not for me, for him. No one wants to think their kid is going to be targeted because they tried to do the right thing.

So yes. Hearing that we’re not very welcome at his school right now kind of horrified me, and I said it out loud. I’m so sorry, Mrs. B, I should never have said it to anyone. But it shocked and it hurt and I felt just a little bit powerless and yes, a little bit victimized.

This was never about me. Tonight when I put my babies to bed, I couldn’t help thinking about how crappy my day was, but how worthy they are of an advocate. That’s me, their advocate. Frankly, all I care about is that the school I have to send my kids to (because yes, I DO live in the district) will love them and look out for them. My kids are beautiful and smart and I want them to have the best and most balanced life I can give them right now. If that means an extra hour to run around outside, I’m willing to ask for it.

If you need an apology from me, I’m more than anxious to give it. I’m young, I’m learning, and this has been an extremely difficult week for me.

Lastly, I’d like to thank the three friends who read my blog (but hardly know me) from Far West who made the thirty minute drive to my house tonight to hold my hand and bring me chocolates. One is a Relief Society president who canceled all her meetings to come, another is a PTA president who came to beg us to move to her district, and the third is my darling friend who has probably had an even tougher week than me, but still came to lend a shoulder and a little friendly lip balm.

To everyone else, especially my son’s wonderful teacher, I’m so, so sorry. The end.