When I die…

We had a little unexpected detour this past weekend.

The fam and I are currently spending the holiday up in Elma with my folks. But right before Christmas, Jason’s grandfather passed away in California. So, thanks to the kind hearts and generous wallets of his parents, we flew down on Sunday night and attended the funeral on Monday, then made our way back to Washington yesterday via JetBlue.

I have decided that from now on, I will put my children in cold storage for all in-flight travel.

I also had some time to think about being dead. For starters, when I die, I would like before and after shots of me blown up really big. You know, a picture of me at age 86 with the “before” sign, then one of my senior photos from high school with an “after” because who isn’t going to be excited to get that body back? Hey, if that visual alone doesn’t inspire more people to look forward to death I don’t know will.

I also want a chocolate fountain and banana splits and prime rib and tikki masala and pizza hut deep dish pizza, all sitting under a big banner that reads, “Here’s what I’m eating in Heaven, wish you were here!”

Because when I die, I’d really like everyone to try and be stoked for me. Granted, this is a lot easier when the person is elderly and has really lived, but even if I go before 80, I like to think somewhere, someone will be glad. (That didn’t sound quite right.)

I also want mostly awesome music. Like dream boy Englebert Humperdink’s song, “This Moment in Time.” I love that man. In case you are too young to remember him, or don’t appreciate soulful crooners, go ahead and skip over this.

For the rest of you (since I can’t figure out how to put the video in my post), here’s a link to one of my favorite hairbrush songs in the entire world.

I know, he’s so cool.

(Ps – I’m a third generation Englebert Humperdink fan.)


  1. At my funeral some day? Boxes of See’s dark chocolate almond cups, ee cummings poetry readings, and of course, everyone singing in unison: “Now let us rejoice” …and they will.

  2. I will definitely eat from the chocolate fountain at your funeral.

  3. I have never heard of a cooler name than Engelbert Humperdinck. I think it’s fabulous you know who he is. And more fabulous that you want his song at your funeral. I’m just asking for funeral potatoes and a good old movie-musical with crunchy caramel popcorn. Not chewy.

    Sorry about Jason’s grandpa. I remember the funerals of one of my grandparents (they are all gone now) and two of Dave’s. I could handle the grandmother’s passing, but not the grandpas. I cried out of the blue for days.

  4. My dad wants us to record his voice and put the recorder in his coffin, so while everyone passes by during the viewing they’ll hear my dad saying things like
    “thanks for coming”
    “how’s your family?”
    “You sure look nice tonight.”

    I have a funeral all planned out for myself, but it’s too bad that I’m not dying.

  5. I’m so sorry about Jason’s grandfather. God Bless.

    What a wonderful idea for a funeral. The before and after pictures and the food with the sign. What a great way to see the afterlife. =]

  6. Only you. Only you at 8am when I should be getting ready for work, can have a title “when I die” and make me laugh out loud right here in my seat.

    Sorry to hear about your grandfather.

    Except now I’m so happy for him to have his youth back. 🙂

  7. I’d like to please be invited to your funeral.

  8. Amen to Barbara. You better send out invites. Sound like it will be worth coming to.
    You are so way ahead of me. I still haven’t written a will (who should I stick with the task of raising my children?) and you already have your funeral planned! Way to go!

  9. My little grandma died this week, and I am so okay with it that some of my children think I’ve lost my mind. But she has gone HOME, people! Where else would you want to be?

  10. I love this view of things. I remember years ago attending the viewing for one of my high school friend’s father. As I entered the chapel, I heard laughter coming from the windows, and it occurred to me that this man would have wanted just that–people happy and joyous, not miserable and sad. I knew him and his family, and he was a happy, happy man. I also love that with the Church’s teachings, we have a different view than so many other people, so we CAN have joy and laughter (even amid the sadness) at a funeral.

    And I’d totally go for the pizza and chocolate. (Humperdink was a great crooner, but I think his sideburns were overkill. Do I need to duck and run?)

  11. I don’t know what is wrong with my but I thought you were going to say The Lord’s Prayer for a second and I wondered, cause we’re not Catholic.

    Anyway, time for a nap.

    I take it the flight went well? heh. And Annie, I am so coming to your funeral. I am assuming I live longer than you even though I’m a tad older.

    I feel the opposite, I want weeping and wailing by my loved ones. They are going to miss me dang it.

  12. Kim Haynes says:

    After reading your blog, I want to start planning my funeral. Something fun. If thats possible.

  13. I’ve had my funeral(s) planned for quite some time now. One if I die young, the other if I die old. Both are blow-out parties and the only tears rolling down cheeks better be because everyone’s laughing that hard!

    I do know who Engelbert Humperdink is, but I can’t remember why. Is there one, iconic, E.H. song? You know, like Tom Jones’ is “It’s Not Unusual”? Maybe that’s how I know him. At any rate, one must be a true disciple of the 13th Article of Faith (the “…admonition of Paul” part) in order to know who Engelbert is! I personally am having a rousing rendition of “Highway to Hell” played at my viewing. And a sign-up list for anyone who wants me to save them a seat! 😉