I think I’m cheating on my doctor

So I have a new obgyn. He’s the one who complimented my “lovely pelvis”, remember? Anyway, I like him, I really do. He’s laid back and easy going, very routine about everything and doesn’t expect me to exercise or eat right. Just my kind of doc.

Then two weeks ago I got a call about my iron being low. The nurse told me to start on an iron supplement right away. She didn’t give me any directions, just said to pick one up and take them.

I went to the store and fumbled through the vitamin aisle (which I try to avoid) until I located the iron, picked the largest dose, and called my doctor.

“Hi,” I said, “Um, how much iron am I supposed to be taking?”

“Oh,” said clueless nurse, “Just whatever it says on the bottle.”

Right. Because bottles know everything.

So I started on the supplement and pumped my diet with iron rich foods. By the end of the week, my anemia was so bad I could hardly hold my head up straight. I called the doc and went in for an iron test.

“Well,” the girl says, “It’s actually a little lower than last time. Let me just ask him.”

My doc was standing out at his desk, so I overheard the conversation. “Well,” he says, “That’s not too low, she should be fine.”

Fine? “Um,” in say, “I’m not fine. I couldn’t even vaccuum my living room without nearly passing out today, something is wrong here. I’ve never felt worse.”

He gave me one of those “Oh great, an overactive imaginative pregnant woman–again” looks, made a notation and sent me to the lab to check my thyroid. He also said that I didn’t need to take that iron supplement since my prenatal had iron in it. (THEN WHY DID THEY TELL ME TO TAKE IT?) To top it off, they never called me back–that was last Thursday.

So the last three or four days have been amazingly better  (aside from my new pregnant migraines). The reason? I had a gout appointment with my family doc last week and asked him about my iron problem (post-ignored by OB finger prick).

Can I just say that there is something so refreshing about a doctor who actually cares about you? Listens to you? Doesn’t think you’re crazy? ANSWERS YOUR QUESTIONS? Within two minutes my family doc had explained exactly what had happened, why I was feeling better, and made me feel warm and cozy and cared for.

And now I don’t want to go back to my heartless ob. I feel like he thinks I’m nuts anyway, and if it wasn’t for the spa-like atmosphere and monthly ultrasound (I’m so spoiled there) I would change doctors completely. What do I do here? I need a good surgeon for the C-section, but I need someone who loves me too. I’m so confused.


  1. Pregnancy sounds so lovely.

  2. Hi Annie,

    I have been lurking for a long time. I found your site through my friend Tiffani a while ago and have been reading it ever since.

    I am pregnant with my last bundle of joy as well. I am due Oct 3rd so I am a bit behind you in this journey.

    I say shop around. I have had c-sections with all my kids as well and true, you need a good surgeon but at the same time you need someone who listens to your needs while pregnant. If your not feeling well, and you feel something is not right then your probably right. Us women have a way when knowing things aren’t right ; )

    It’s like when I pushed for 3 hours with my daughter and the contractions weren’t going away and I wasn’t making progress. The nurse swore thing were fine, in fact stated that I wasn’t working hard enough and if she called the doctor to come in he would say I wasn’t working at all.

    Come to find out my daughter was face up and stuck against my hip and when the doctor did come to examine me, they decided to take the baby c-section and I have a lovely horizontal and vertical incision to prove she was wedged in there quite well. But hey, what did I know?
    Go military doctor’s and nurses! Now I know all military doctors aren’t like this but I didn’t have a good experience with any military doc the whole 10 yrs my hubby served. Back then I had no choices….I was stuck with what I got.

    So I say, if he’s not doing his job…..dump him!

    • annie valentine says:

      It’s so good to meet you Andi, we’ll commiserate together with these kids, yes?

  3. That is why doctors are so stupid. Cuz half the time they hold all the cards and leave us without any options.

    But I’m pretty sure just about anyone can do a c-section. Find someone you love, hand them a pair of shears and voila! You’ll have a baby in no time!

  4. Maybe it’s time to go to another one.

  5. Yeah, I’m thinking something isn’t really working out there. There’s plenty of obs in the ocean.

  6. Just from my own experience with anemia, if you do need to take iron supplements, take them with oj (they absorb better) and take the Ferro-Sequels brand (at CVS). Some of the other brands cause other issues.

    I hate pregnancy pills. Hang in there!!!

  7. Find a new one – you have to be in love with your ob, not just like him. It takes a special person so see your lady parts month in and month out!

  8. I had the exact same crappy experience with a doctor last week and wrote about it on my blog a couple days ago! I hate it when docs think they know everything, especially how you think you feel. Drives me nuts!! I’m glad you’re feeling better though!

  9. I really loved my OB in Utah, and although I like my doctor here, I really miss my other OB. Better atmosphere, and he always answered my questions without making me feel stupid, in fact, he got excited to answer my questions! I learned so much from him! My doctor now has the longest waits and just doesn’t seem as excited to talk to me. Which I need. He’s still good, I just miss my other doctor. I think either get really assertive with this other doctor (as in, do some research and make sure he answers your questions. Like “Why did you tell me to start iron in the first place?!”) Otherwise, maybe look into a new doctor, you’re early in your pregnancy it will be a lot harder to switch later on when you find out he’s a complete schmuck! 🙂

  10. I have switched doctors for that “she’s crazy” look. Even near the end of a pregnancy. Oh man– I just made myself sound like I’m switching all the time! No I don’t switch like, ever. that was a first time for me. Is there another doctor at the same complex so you can get your monthly ultrasound still? 😉

  11. Move to Oregon, seriously, my OB is amazing! Three C-sections later, and I could sport a bikini, not that I would, but the scar is paper thin, and he has the best bed side manner I have ever come in contact with. I loved him for 3 1/2 years, because that is how long it took me to spit out four kids, yes, four under 3 1/2!! Now some of my pregnant friends see him, and I am jealous, I only get a yearly visit! Maybe I could fake an illness!!!

    • missing Oregon says:

      Are you in the Medford area? Do you see a certain bow-tied-miracle worker? Oh, how I miss him!

      • No I don’t, but another one of Annie’s fabulous followers did! My Dr. makes bow tie man look like a little boy! I live in Central Point, aka the best place to live!!

  12. I happen to know an amazing OB/GYN who works at Utah Valley and Timp hospitals. If you feel like heading that way-lemme know. I hear he’s the best (from every single sister-in-law, cousin, aunt etc that has ever gone to him).

  13. Who delivered Junie? Also, so glad you are feeling better 🙂 But so sorry your doc’s a lame-o. Too bad you can’t get Moruzzi. He really needs to deliver YET ANOTHER of our family’s babies.

  14. Switch!!! If the family doc doesn’t want to do the c-section then he can still be there for you, while the “lovely pelvis” ob does the actual surgery. But you’ll be in the doc’s office a lot more than just the delivery. Use the doc you love the mostest.

  15. Aren’t you in Utah, girl? The mecca of all OB docs? The land of women multiplying and replishing single-handedly? There has got to be another surgeon who can give you the warm fuzzies that every hormonally charged pregnant woman needs. Switch-a-roo, that’s what I say.

  16. I’d switch. It doesn’t do you any good to have a good surgeon if you can’t make it to the end of the pregnancy. There ARE good doctors who are also good surgeons. There has to be. My sister has one at the U named Dr. Draper and he’s amazingly fantastic. Seriously. He’s also great with high risk pregnancy. he’s just all around pretty wonderful.

  17. Make the change. You’ll feel better.

  18. Catherine says:

    I’m guessing that you’re going to Circle of Life, possibly seeing Dr. Bierer, and I will tell you that I had the same kind of experience there with my last baby and recommend going somewhere else. They never practiced “bad” medicine on me, but I absolutely always felt like a number, never had any confidence that they knew who I was from one visit to the next, and when I called to ask a question I got the feeling that I was being a bother. I am a total fan of laid back doctors. I don’t like to be overperscribed medication, and I’m ok with a doctor telling me that I shouldn’t worry and everything will be fine in a few days. But, there is a difference between a doctor that makes you feel like you were justified in your worry and one that ignores you. I am pregnant as well, just a few weeks behind you I think, and I switched over to Dr. Sumsion down at the Tanner Clinic in Layton. I haven’t loved Tanner Clinic pediatricians, but this OB is so wonderful. Granted, the office doesn’t feel like a spa, but it is intimate, personal, quick, and I have every confidence that the doctor (and his nurses) know who I am and actually care about me. It’s a completely different feel than Circle of Life. I also heard from a friend, which may be totally untrue, that Dr. Sumsion starts every day with a little devotional with his staff. A man that acknowledges the hand of God in his work, is one I can definitely feel comfortable with. Plus, he isn’t constantly chewing gum like my previous OB.

    • annie valentine says:

      Holy crap, I think you just read my mind and my next post. Dr. Sumsion is EXACTLY who I’ve been considering since my best friend is his cousin and loves him. And yes, Dave delivered Junie which is why I switched to Dr. Housel at the same clinic this time. I’m listening to you, my friend. Thanks for the serious validation.

  19. I switched OBs halfway through my first pregnancy. My doctor said I didn’t need a diabetes test and forgot to give me my Rhogam shot. I had to remind HIM about it. So, yeah. I switched. And I LOVE my new OB.

  20. I vote for a certified nurse-midwife. I had one for my first child, and it totally rocked!! The first OB I saw was a total jackhole, and when I called my insurance and explained what I wanted (someone that would take their time with me and hold my hand through it) the person suggested a CNM. Which alarmed me at first because I am all about the drugs! But she said “Oh no, they’ll let you do/have whatever you want, they just want you to make an informed decision about it. They make sure you’re aware of all the options.” And they’re not the crazy Mother Nature-type midwives, they do this at the hospital!

    So that’s my vote! And they also work with specialists and surgeons, should the need arise. Somebody forgot to calibrate the machine (which tells you how long ago my 1st pg was!) and they thought I had gestational diabetes (I didn’t) and would periodically send me to visit the neonatologist, and I did end up getting ultrasounds every. single. visit. after that, so it was all good all around!

    Go CNM!!!

  21. Like you, I’ve had a new OB with each baby. I always hear about women who “love, love, love” their OBs. Never happened for me. Since I’m in the low risk category, I’m seriously considering not going to anyone and just showing up at the hospital on the big day. Seriously, what does an OB do besides have me pee in a cup, push me on a scale and ask if I have any questions? And then charge me $1000 only to miss the delivery. I own a scale and I’ve read “What to Expect” four times. I can do without the peeing in a cup and Paul owns a catcher’s mitt I could sterilize…oh, I’m not looking forward to OB shopping again. Let me know if you find someone great.

  22. Veronica says:

    That stinks. I think you should switch.

  23. Angie Hurst says:

    Annie, I have a Wonderful ob whom I love. She is in Salt Lake. If your interested let me know! She is great!!!

  24. Seriously, Annie? This is your body. If any other professional treated you this way, you would dump them in a heartbeat and be off to find someone new. This is not your car, your roof, your hair or your air-conditioner. It’s your *body*. A doctor is your employee not the other way around. Get out of there and get an OB you trust completely. There is one out there. Pregnant women deserve superior care and should demand it. I also don’t think a doctor would want a dissatisfied patient in their care. Would you if the situation were reversed?

    Go team.

  25. I don’t normally read blogs of people I don’t know, but a mutual friend, Allison, had us both on her sidebar. I decided to click over because your title was interesting. I have to say, I read a couple of your posts and you sure do have a way with words.

    Just thought I’d let you know that I was here.

  26. There are enough Dr.’s out there that I’m sure you can find the same perks that you enjoy at your current Dr. without the lame-faced Dr. Clearly, this guy does not know enough to be taking care of you. Too many things can go wrong in pregnancy to trust your body and baby to a total dingle.

  27. Are you at that “other clinic?” You know the one that had me convinced I was crazy? CHANGE!

    I know a couple of good ones if you want their names. One of them is close and does 3D COLOR monthly ultra sounds.

    (hows that for a hook?)

  28. lame a! I can call him that because I’m in a feisty mood and I hate doctors behaving badly !I HAD to go to a oncologist that I hated.She had the worst bedside manner but I stayed with her because she was close to my ob’s office and I had to see her so often!

    I wish you lived close to me because I’d make you go to my ob. Oh How I love him! I wish I were preggo right now just so I could go into that office and be treated so well by his staff! I say ditch the loser and find someone you love! You need to feel like a priority and not a burden to someone! Heaven forbid you ever have a concern about your condition! LAME A!

  29. that bites. The relationship between female and Dr. is sooooooo personal and important. Maybe you should just confront him…”I don’t feel you love me anymore. You take me for granted. Perhaps we need to go our seperate ways? how did this happen to us.”

    I loved my OBGYN in Utah too. LOVED HIM. Now I have to find a new doctor and I can hardly stand the thought.

  30. Wow!!
    So the scale above leans in the “switch”. I still think that is a challenge to. I’ve had several here in Utah, and it’s amazing how a “wonderful” doctor isn’t so “wonderful” for everyone. Ask around in the area you live in ask very specific questions. This is definitely a situation where you should put your needs at the top!

  31. Hi. I don’t normally read blogs about random people but an friend read your post and knew I was having the same anemia problem so I thought I would ask you… what did your family doc tell you?
    I am taking 4 iron pills a day with O.J. and eating a VERY iron rich diet and still my numbers are low and I can’t even function. HELP.