16-year-old boys should all be shot

I’m sorry, but even an idiot knows that you don’t make catcalls at the pregnant lady.

So yesterday I took Harrison to baseball practice at the park. I pulled in and parked, taking little notice of my surroundings.

After shoeing the kids from the car, I went back for Harry’s baseball stuff. That’s when I first heard it.

Parked relatively close to me were two teenage boys in a little red beater. Windows down, music pumping, what better place to pick up chicks than the toddler jungle gym on a school day?

Let me tell you something I’ve learned about teenage boys. First, they think that if you aren’t looking at them, you can’t hear what they’re saying. Second, they think that they’re too cool for anyone to actually approach and/or head slap them.

I’m sorry, but I don’t care how bored you are, you don’t mock the pregnant lady. Unfortunately for me, I had to make about three trips in front of their nasty little car, listening to them make little comments about me and my knocked-up condition. It’s hard enough to be pregnant, suddenly everywhere you go, your best kept secret is broadcast to the world: I HAVE SEX! YES! THIS IS ME, AFTER SEX! I really don’t need to hear it.

I finally got so fed up with their little snickering comments that I turned around, put my hands on my hips, and yelled, “WHAT?!” Let’s just say they went from being uber cool to extremely sheepish. “You got a problem?” I added. They mumbled a little, and within about thirty seconds had manufactured an excuse to vacate the premise.

They were lucky that was all I said. My comebacks were boucing between, “Why don’t you just take a picture, it will last longer!” to “Look you little punks, I get more action in a month than you’ll see in the next five years!” Luckily my filter wasn’t completely down and I managed to keep those comments to myself.

But for future reference, pregnant ladies don’t like to be talked about. WE CAN HEAR YOU.


Comments

  1. One of the many reasons why I love you. I think that because I work with teenagers, I am way more comfortable calling them out when needed.

  2. Bwahahaha! My filter is always off. I would’ve said the thing about getting some.

    Hope you have a great day!

  3. Douglas Adams created a character called “The Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal”, whom he went on to describe as “daft as a brush”. The reason was, the Bugblatter Beast believes that if YOU can’t see IT, IT can’t see YOU. So all you have to do to survive an attack is to close your eyes, because then, suddenly, the Beast won’t be able to see you. It thinks. This is why it’s so Ravenous.

    The Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal is at least 30 times smarter than any boy between the ages of 13 and 19. I’ve raised a couple (of the boys). I know. To them, the rest of the universe is just scenery, pop-ups to be commented on and expertly navigated as though the kids were on the driving range. The problem is, the universe isn’t expected to defend itself.

    Good on ya. And I love the message that you get more action in a month than they’ll get in years! You’re awesome!

  4. Very funny. And although I love the comments that were bouncing around in your head, sometimes they sound better in your head than they actually would yelled out in a parking lot.

    So good job saying just exactly the correct thing to put those punks in their place 🙂

  5. I liked the second option. It’d be good for teenage boys to hear something like that:)

  6. In wonder how they think THEY came into existence? Too funny! Mighty uncomfortable for you, but funny, nonetheless!

  7. Yes, increased food and smell sensitivity AND increased hearing. They really should teach that in Health Class.

  8. Veronica says:

    I love you, Annie. That’s all.

  9. We had a neuroscientist come to our school to do an inservice for us. He said that with the onset of puberty, the chemical in the brain that mediates decision making and good judgement totally shuts off. This leaves teenagers, he said, functionally in the same place as drunk drivers in terms of their judgment and decision making. Not that this surprises anyone who has or works with them–but it’s pretty funny to me.

  10. Oh I totally would’ve said something to them, at the very least they would’ve gotten a murderous glare and a “knock it off!” Teenagers are idiot, and in all my dealings with them, you have to just be super straightforward, like BLUNT, otherwise they just don’t get it. Dumb teenagers.

  11. Boys are so stupid.

    But I’ll bet your boys won’t be. They know how to treat women with respect.

  12. OMGOSH! LOL! That is to funny. Seriously though, teenagers have zippo respect any more. Just sayin…

  13. Oh, I SO WISH you had been meaner.

    I think I will be crafting come-backs for the rest of the night. I’ll let you in on any good ones I come up with.

  14. Kiersten says:

    Ha ha! I’d like to have seen their faces 🙂

  15. Heather J says:

    Just today I was thinking about a recent experience I had at Costco, 9 months pregnant with my 2 year old in the cart trying to get a drink, on a Saturday. I apparently was in the way of some punk 19 year old who was getting tires and decided to also get food. He was talking on his cell phone and said “oh I’m just at Costco trying not to kill anyone. The place is crawling with people and they all have carts and f-ing (real word used) babies”. I wanted to say something to him but in the mayhem and shock didn’t. It was Costco on a SATURDAY what did he expect? The crowd of people to part so he could get his tires and a hotdog? Boys are so dumb!

  16. Annie I can not believe your filter was on. Of all the times you should of let it roll they would of been in awe that not only were you pregnant but you had a sense of humor also:) I love ya and this blog you always make me smile. Heather teenagers between 18-25 seem to think they are entitled to everything without any inconvenience to them. I see it all and believe me they expect it.

  17. tiffany browne says:

    Oh, I would have tried to look as sexy as I could, waddled up to them, bent over the window of the car like Julia Roberts on Pretty Woman, and said “You want some of this?” and then I would have been waddeling to the back of a police car in handcuffs for soliciting prostitution to minors! ha ha

  18. Say something about their zits…… how about “hey….have you looked in a mirror lately, you have something bigger on your face”.

  19. So obnoxious. Makes me happy I don’t have boys who will one day be teenagers…yet, my girls will do plenty of equally cringe-worthy things…
    I had a run in with a teenage boy yesterday who suggested I almost left my daughter behind at the playground. Little bastard…

  20. Very great post. Honest..