Bite me

Is there anything more dreadful than the moment when irreplaceable furniture meets your two-year-old?

Yesterday was Easter Sunday. My husband took our three kids down to his folks house for dinner and an Easter Egg Hunt. I stayed home to clean the swamp. Sometimes there’s nothing more rejuvenating than a few hours of peaceful silence and a mop bucket. It’s amazing how much I can get done with the children out of the way.

So, while I was basking in the soft sounds of conference, and the sweet nostril singeing scent of toilet bowl cleanser, my husband and children were safely tucked away at Grandma’s house. Unfortunately I forgot that the thing I should have worried about wasn’t my family’s safety, but Grandma’s poor abused abode.

According to Jason (who gives very accurate and sometimes frightening accounts), during the course of the afternoon, someone looked over at my MIL’s beautiful dining room table just in time to casually notice that one of her custom leather chairs had white spots all over it. On closer inspection, it appeared that a rather determined ROUS (rodent of unusual size) had chewed chunks out of the furniture, leaving pieces of leather scattered in it’s wake.

(Forgive me if I get some of the conversation wrong here, I’m telling this second-hand.)

“What happened here? Who did this?” someone asked.

“Me! It was me! I did it!” the June Bug replied, running over with a self-satisfied grin. “I’ll show you!” She then proceeded to sink her very sharp teeth into the chair and rip a piece of leather from it’s surface.

And that was when the true spirit of Easter enveloped the room, and instead of killing, maiming, or banishing her, her grandparents offered the sweet forgiveness every parent prays for, and laughed. And laughed, and laughed, and laughed.

I’m taking her in to have her teeth dulled this week. Will they do that?


  1. Welcome to my world!

  2. Oh. My. For June’s sake, I’m glad that this happened at her grandparent’s house. If it had happened at her own house, she might not be alive. At least, that would be the case if my own child did the same thing.

    This is just too funny, Annie. So glad your in-laws had a good sense of humor about it.

  3. That is so crazy. My kids always brag about their ‘dog teeth’ that are so sharp, but neither of them have ever had the nerves to actually use them. Your Junie is one in a million! Thank goodness for grandparents who can see the humor. I really wasn’t sure how that story was going to end.

  4. Holy Heck! I can’t believe that! It’s one of those things when you’re teetering between laughing hysterically, and being completely sick over the damage.

    I hope you MIL was nice about it.

  5. Holy crap! This is definitely going on my “con” side.

  6. Love your punch line!!! ROFL . . . . . . I bet you are devastated!

  7. Tammara says:

    Annie gotta love kids honesty. When Cory was 4 he decided to paint his own fingernails on my moms brand new down off white comforter while grandma was on the phone. When she realized he was awful quite and went to check on him. He had used the hottest pink color of polish and his nails and the comforter were gorgeous. LOL When my mom asked who did this? His response was “My done it” he use to call himself my. Gotta love grandparents.

  8. Oh, wow. I’m sorry, but that is kind of awesome! (i know, my opinion would probably quickly change if it happened to me) and I as well love her response ‘me! it was me! i did it!’. soooo funny

  9. Maybe now that she’s cut her teeth on the leather, you need to try her on more challenging materials?

  10. She’s Sunny from The Series of Unfortunate Events! (If you haven’t read that series, you need to.)

  11. That’s how ya know you’ve got a good gramma tho, y’know? When they don’t ever get mad about all the crap your kids ruin … (kids get away with a lot more naughtiness with dad in charge at gramma’s house too, it seems)

  12. Pictures?

  13. Tiffany says:

    Totally accurate (and I’m a witness). It was funny…and every time I have thought about it today it made me laugh. June, the little ROUS (perfectly put).

  14. Okay, I won’t lie–that is FRICKIN’ HILARIOUS! So glad your parents laughed. (And I second Annette’s comment.)

  15. I might want to borrow your in-laws sometime.

  16. Oh my. oh. oh. That even tops my boy slathering barbecue sauce on our brand new leather couch. Why ask why?

  17. Had to comment and say I loved your post below. i totally needed to read something like that. It touched me.

    Also… I am also relieved when they laugh instead of doing what they would like! hehehe

  18. You have your very own Sunny like in the Lemony Snicket books!

  19. Annie too says:

    This is soooo funny! She is like Sunny! She even has sunny blonde hair! That might be her new nickname?! Are you going to show pictures of the chairs? Are they fixable? And last but not least… Are you going to find out what you are having?! I am dying to know if you are going to have a girl like Tiff so you end up with another darling pair like June and Jane. They are perfection!