I’ve got chocolate chips, what more could I need?

I really need to borrow a brain. Preferably one that functions.

So this morning I come into the family room and find my daughter covered in chocolate. One glance at the trail of Russel Stover’s Sugar Free Mint Patty wrappers leading out from behind the recliner and I knew we were in trouble. She’d eaten an entire bag. A big bag.

For those of you who have never tortured yourself with the South Beach Diet or some other anti-sugar lifestyle, this might mean nothing. Hey, we’ve all binged on chocolate now and then, right? It’s part of our passage to womanhood.

But until you gorge yourself on sugar-free chocolate during a desperate moment of frenzied, diet-crazed rebellion, you know nothing.

See, those candies are smart. They know that you’re going to regret the binge, so they are designed to punish. The first time I made this mistake not only brought on serious abdominal pain, but let’s just say the toilet and I ended up with a new appreciation for each other.

It took about an hour before the first blow-out occurred. We’re talking new outfit, up to her belly button blow-out. It was at that moment that I realized I was out of pull-ups (which we’re still in because I’m too lazy to care). I had one left, and there was no doubt in my mind that one wasn’t going to cover it. (I was able to dig up two more from my church bag and emergency car supply, one of which we blew through before Dora was finished.)

And so we headed off to Target (chosen because I seriously love their plastic bags) to buy pull-ups. Pull-ups were my top priority. Pull-ups were essential. We had to get the pull-ups.

Of course, on my way out of the house I realized that I was low on chocolate chips and brown sugar, which are both necessary ingredients for chocolate chip cookies, and also decided to grab a red onion and some capers for dinner. But no need to make a list, that was only five things. I can remember five things, right?

Yeah, we all know I forgot the diapers.

We’ve got chocolate chips, and we’ve got capers, but as far as diarrhea catching pull-ups are concerned, I have none (because you know we used that last one about half an hour ago).

Sometimes my brain is so worthless.


  1. You use capers in your dinner? Who are you?!?!

    And P.S.- This totally sounds like you. Love you, my friend.

  2. I’m just amazed that you braved Target! Wait, did you bring your daughter with you?

    • annie valentine says:

      YES. I brought her, and we went fast and made it home just in time for blow out number 3.

  3. I always do this! If I don’t have a list with me, even for only a few items, I am sure to forget the most important thing!

  4. Geez, what amazing-in-my-dreams Target do you have where you can buy capers AND diapers at the same store?! I am so jealous.

  5. Yikes-I’m so sorry! Maybe the neighbors had some you could borrow? And maybe I should get some of that sugar-free yucky stuff next time I feel like I need to binge. I could use a lesson like the kind it sounds like they give…

    • annie valentine says:

      Since my neighbors are all geriatrics, it’s possible they might have diapers on hand. I just don’t think they’d fit the baby…

  6. This sounds like me. I did the same thing last week, I went to the store to buy something that we really needed and came home with a bunch of stuff but forgot the needed item. In fact, right now I can’t even remember what I went to the store for.
    Probably chocolate chips.
    A few weeks ago we ran out of our night time pull ups and my son had to wear a pink swim diaper to bed. To say that he was not amused would be putting it lightly.

  7. Oh man, thats horrible!! I hate when it gets down to the wire for something, diapers, gas, food…you know, basic stuff.

  8. UGH! That is the WORST! I am so sorry. Nothing quite like running out of necessities, and then not remembering them when you are at the store. I honestly do this WAY too often. SO now I keep my grocery list on my cell phone (its a Window’s smart phone so it has a task list aka grocery list). Everytime I find I am out of something I pull the phone out of my pocket/purse/cell phone case and add it to the list… cause heaven knows I NEVER go ANYWHERE without my phone.

  9. LOL–wow what does it mean when I don’t have the excuse of pregnancy? Old Age? Dementia?

  10. My sister calls the entrance to any store like Wal Mart or Target “the brain sucker doors”, because you walk through them and forget everything you came for. The worst was the time we dashed into Wal Mart to pick up some milk and instead bought a television.

    Fortunately, the drive to acquire chocolate is so primal, so hardwired into our DNA, that not even the brain sucker doors can wipe it from our memories.

  11. Wowza, I’m kind of scared. i’ve experienced blow outs on little people, i’ve experienced too many sugar free candies (bloody extra 10 lbs), but combine those two together, all I can say, again…..wowza.

  12. just stoppin’ by to say you make me smile. Read your latest posts, smiled, have no witty comments, the end.

  13. Oh shit-zola, you make me laugh.
    I HAVE to always write a list —Or I’d forget even why I was WHERE I was —-one day I am sure I’ll even need an ID bracelet, just so someone can help me home.
    But thank goodness you got the chocolate.

    and as for crying. Just let it flow girl. Nothing screams female then tears and bawling.
    and I like the sign idea
    “here’s your sign”

  14. This makes me a bad mom-to-be, but I’d just ban her to the bathtub for the whole day. You can do that as a mom, right?

    • annie valentine says:

      Yes Natalie, you totally can. By five o’clock she was saying, “I don’t wanna take a bath!” These are foreign words to a two year old.

  15. I would have taken her out of the cute outfit as soon as I saw the empty bag! With Mark on Atkins, we have so many of those chocolates around… even 2 in one evening will ruin me! By the way… did you know they make sugar-free oreos now??? Only 3 carbs per cookie and they taste *exactly* like regular oreos!

  16. First of all, give yourself some credit. YOU REMEMBERED THE CHOCOLATE.

    Now? Go. eat. some.

    Sorry about the poop.

  17. Oh wow, I have been there with forgetting the very thing you desperately need and made the trip for. I have to write ANYTHING down now if I want to remember it. Oh how I wish I had a brain. I’m sorry this happened!

    Hey – Target bags are the only bags I save! The rest I recycle.