Break down

I am a postpartum basketcase.

I just wrote up an entire post about my life and chocolate and potty training and irrational floods of really lame tears, went to post it, and realized that I have a deadline tomorrow for the paper. Since I only manage to get to the computer every few days, the possibility of me coming up with something else before tomorrow is kind of not going to happen. This fact might have made me cry.

And so, let me tell you that four kids means four times the post-pregnancy hormones. I am irrational, weepy, deliriously happy, sleepy, anxious, and one puddle of pee away from a panic attack at just about any given moment. (We’re potty training June this week because I am an idiot.)

To top it all off, I ate half a chocolate cake last night just to calm my nerves. It totally worked, except for the fact that half of my anxiety comes from running around in a bathrobe because NOTHING FITS ME. The cure might be harmful, but I had no tearful outbursts after nine pm so it was totally worth it.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to take the last few moments of Georgia’s short nap to shower. And possibly cry, just because I can. The echo is so refreshing in there.


  1. Awwww, I have soooo been there, though I did not have deadlines other than life…
    LOVE YOU… you can do it!
    One day, and moment at a time!
    Hugs, Tina

  2. Four was the kicker for me too. I felt like Kramer with his “serenity now, serenity now…” mantra. It took me until just a few months ago to wrap my head around having another child. And now, guess what? Just know I’m sending lots of love and energy your way right now. -M

  3. ahh, Annie……I am sorry you are weepy.
    You have your hands full and it’s ok to cry. I am 59 and still cry at the drop of a hat.
    having, raising kids is hard work…………..but worth it.

    If I could, I’d send you another chocolate cake. (but only half, cause I’d have to eat some myself, right?!!)

  4. Can we make fun of you if you cry in your bowl of fettucine tomorrow?

  5. Do it. I love crying in the shower. No, let me rephrase that, I love bawling in the shower. It’s so therapeutic. And doubly good if your husband doesn’t appreciate tears.

    I’m sorry you’re feeling so terrible! Definitely been there. And I also know, as I’m sure you do, that it’s temporary!! You will be feeling better and fitting into clothes soon! Hang in there!

  6. Maybe the crying will help you lose weight. I’d rather that than not eating chocolate.

  7. So what are you going to do? Want me to write something up and fire it off to you? You can delet this comment, pretend you wrote the article, and it will be our little secret!

  8. Annie, I have so been there! You are right, it is so hard! I posted my favorite quote on my mirror when this was happening to me.
    “The Bible often says, it came to pass. It never says, It came to stay”. Just remember that this too shall pass away. If you can, spend just a little bit of time on yourself each day, doing something you love and feel good about. I have found that is the best cure for the blues. Sometimes we can get so overwhelmed just because everyone around us needs us so much!

  9. dang it! these postpartum times are hard! 🙁 Hopefully you’ll be able to look back at this moment and laugh – or just be grateful it’s over – 10 yrs from now… 🙂

  10. Can I come and hold your babies and wipe the pee off the floor while you take a shower and then a nap?

    (this is me trying to make up for being a sham of a friend lately)

  11. Just remember– it goes away. You’re in survival mode. Nothing needs be done (ESPECIALLY POTTY TRAINING– WHAT THE?) except take care of you and the baby. Crying is cleansing.

    Wish I could help ya.

  12. I’m so sorry to hear this, Annie. =[ I sometimes feel like that and I haven’t had a baby in 8 years. =P I hope you’re feeling better soon. *hugs and chocolate*

  13. I hope you took DeNae up on her offer.

    I soooo relate to this, and I’m so sorry you’re in the thick of it.

    I hate to say it, but I think it really will help if you’ll find some way to afford a *few* reasonably attractive intermediate clothes. (Do you have anything from early pregnancy that would work?) There’s nothing worse than not being able to get dressed. (Which is also a condition I have way too much experience with.)

  14. I’m so sorry. Post partum hormones are the craziest. I hope you got your article in, and I hope things calm down soon. Much loves.

  15. Okay, first things first: I am so sorry you are having a tough time. Don’t try to look in your closet for something to fit-it won’t (YET! But soon) and it will just make you all weepy again.

    Second thing: if you didn’t save any bigger size clothes from when you lost the weight after Junie, then by all means get yourself down to Ross and get a few things to tide you over!

    Third thing: Go back and read your journals/blogs about the first couple months after Junie was born. Remember it seems like forever every day, but time is actually going fast and you will have things under control sooner than you think.

    Okay, I know I am so bossy, but if you don’t I will come down there and spank you with a hair brush! Thinking of you, want to call, maybe I will-

  16. Denys Gallentine (Brumbaugh) says:

    You ARE superMom – you CAN do this! Eat a few extra pieces of chocolate if you have to, breath and try not to kill the kids…..lock em outside in the yard for an hour if you have to…

  17. So I have your answer. You need a wife.

    Don’t we all?

  18. Sleep deprivation KILLS, it KILLS I tell you. I’m sorry Annie.

    Sleep deprivation + nursing + hormones = depths of despair.

    I hate the first three months, I really do. I loved my tiny babies, because they were mine, but I never ENJOYED the first three months. It was just too hard. I get it.

    I’m living in Woods Cross (blerg) now. Why don’t you let me come babysit some afternoon so that you can take a nice long nap?

    (A nap solves almost everything.) (At least until the next day.)

  19. Ummmm… yea… this is the part I was telling you that I don’t love about raising babies…

    Once this part is done… you’re home free!!!

    You are right though, the bathroom is a spectacular place to cry, especially in the shower. Singing also… but we can talk about that later.

  20. Having four kids pretty much requires that you weep frequently, eat entire chocolate cakes and not fit into clothes. REQUIRED, I tell you. So, clearly you’re doing everything right. Keep up the great work!

  21. Yep, yep and yep. Been there and am currently there at times. Except for the new baby part. The crying jags, the irrational roller coaster emotions, no sleep, no shower, don’t care days. I hope you find the words for your article and I hope mother hood gets better! I have 4 kids too and I totally know how you feel.

    Chin up! You’re doing great!

  22. Love you, sweetie! I wish I lived closer and could be more of a help. I don’t know what else to say. Just that I love you tons!