How to handle the haters.

I’m happy to report that my skin has grown incredibly thick over the past year. I’ve had a handful of emails from bad-wishers, and find that I’m surprisingly resiliant to their venom.

In case you’re someone who has to deal with haters, virtual or other, here are five things to do when you get a hateful email.

1. Send them an E-card with a singing Elmo on it. Because Elmo isn’t at all irritating.

2. Report them as Spam to your email server. Trust me, getting reported as spam really sucks. I accidentally reported my old account and now I can’t send any emails to anyone.

3. Give their email address to your favorite computer-happy grandparent and tell them this is a long-lost “cousin” who “really likes to receive forwards”.

4. Don’t write them back.

5. As one of my girlfriends once suggested (I can’t remember who it was), print off their email and back over it with your car. Very refreshing.

Honestly, I’ve found the don’t read/don’t respond method works best. The thing is, it’s so easy to hate someone you don’t know. It’s why the Savior says that to know someone is to love them. Even the crustiest people in the world are lovable when you get down to the nitty gritty of who they are and why they do what they do. Understanding a person’s motives really changes how you view them, and you have to really know them to piece it all together.

So I don’t feel bad when someone judges me based off of a 700 word article, that just means they obviously haven’t tasted my homemade bread, or had a good visit with me while stranded at the DMV.

I’d like to think that I’m big enough to seek for understanding and try to change their opinion of me, but quite frankly, at this point in my life, I just don’t have time. And that’s okay.

Alright, I’m off to nurse the baby. Again.


  1. I have to admit, it does sort of fascinate me that you are a journalist who doesn’t read comments. I don’t know if I would either to be honest.

  2. Love it! You totally made me laugh.

    Hubby does a great one for road rage too. When someone cuts you off, smile & wave @ them as they pass you. Every single time they wave back in a purely puzzled way. (I’m numero uno w/ road rage btw. I just don’t get how people can do 45 in a 65. Just don’t.)

  3. WOW. So I was thinking, “Honestly, how bad could the haters be?” Then I read some of the comments. People scare (and sort of entertain) me with how much they hate really….non-hating….things.

    For revenge I vote for the Elmo card. It’s totally not malicious if you also leave them a drippingly (probably sarcastic) sweet message with it.

  4. I loved this one!! I have found if I am reading and someone get offensive, I just stop and delete. Why do I need to read it and than stew about it? I really like not knowing who to be angry at. It makes me behave better toward everyone. Who knows, someday I might even be nice to them and they will change their minds!!

  5. Go you. Well done. I have to say I love your blog. I’ve got 5 kids myself with my last born right at the same time as your little one. Life is busy enough for us working moms without having to cart other people’s opinions and garbage around. You are doing a fabulous job and those kids are truly blessed to have you.


  6. Great suggestions! My faves are the Elmo card and the tire check. Not sure I have a thick enough skin for nasty comments. That is why I am glad my blog is small and I don’t have a column…yet.

  7. The elmo idea is great Annie. I’m sorry for the haters, I’m glad you don’t read the comments. It takes a special person to walk away from that kind of drama.

  8. so true. I received once just after moving up here to Canada a very hateful comment on my blog. Wow, it almost did me in…of course it was anonymouse. But I was happy to read what you said about such things.
    People just don’t know US……..ME……..
    and it is so much easier to judge then to understand.

    I read from a book by John Steinbeck just recently where he was talking about the hateful, horrible things people can say about and to each other. He said:

  9. for the record, i loved your article from yesterday. no hating here. nothing but “thank you for saying what i’m thinking!!!” so, feel the love everywhere from here, k lady?

  10. I love the wisdom in the “to know you is to love you” part of your write. I learn a lot from my grown up babies. Hugs, Mom

  11. I love this. You are awesome! I hate haters too, which technically makes me a hater, if you think about it.

  12. Just what I needed to hear right now at work. You rock my world. I often fantasize about hiring a hit man to take out half a dozen people…..I need to find the courage to do what you’ve done: you simply don’t have time for it. Ignoring them is the best way for them, you, and the rest of the potential collateral damage.

  13. Well I really like Elmo. So maybe I should send you hate mail to get a happy little muppet card in my mailbox?

  14. I’ve been thinking about that “knowing a person” thing and I always get upset with myself once I know a person better and remember the feelings I had when I didn’t know them. That isn’t to say that I’m mean or cruel or think terrible, spiteful things–it just means I wish I HAD known them better because I think of the time I wasted not knowing them. But maybe, it makes the time knowing them a little more precious.

  15. Oh no, Annie…not you?

    I’ve been deleting a stalker-reader for months. I’ve been so on-edge about writing in my blog that I have this little snag- sitter on my shoulder giving me writer’s-block. One person is taking away my blog.

    I have been thinking that I want to just open my blog up to my own family. My family all know that I write just exactly how I talk. My real wish is to feel free again to blog like the old days.

    I realize my blog is just barely within the grammar and spelling limits of understanding. “What is this the subject of this post exactly?” I’m thinking, “What subject?” It was a ramble and I know that. It’s like someone telling me I need to lose weight. I usually say, “Thank you so much for the great advice!” “I just didn’t know I had a few (HA!) extra pounds to lose.” Someone out there, has this fixation on being my personal English teacher with a red pencil making huge checks and circles everywhere.

    I edit and edit and look at my posts carefully and maybe, I’ll see an error where I wrote a sentence completely backward. Really, I know almost all the stuff I write… is goofed-up! My posts have been for my family and for myself. I thought the blog would help learn to express myself and be my journal.

    Google has a new post comment addition: Funny, Interesting, or Informative. The blogspot user has the option of making their own labels. I don’t think that Google widget is going to be added my comment section. My labels would be: Unreadable, Weird, Far-Side, etc. I’ve had more suggestions.

    The greatest art is with the written word because you start with only your mind and your only limitation is your vocabulary. hahaha I make-up words. Annie, are an artist and you paint, mold, design the greatest stuff (stuff is my favorite noun)

    Annie, I have always, always loved your posts. You have such a way of making everything seem so much better. Thank you so much for continuing to fill us in with your humor and lovely, absolutely lovely, family- life and times.

    I never, ever thought you would have any comment or letter wishing you a unkind thought, ever. If Annie even has this stuff (oops)…Whoa, I’m in good company. Thank you for posting this topic. You absolutely made me cry and make my day. lymi

    I will to continue onward. Just hitting “delete” lymi

    • annie valentine says:

      Thank you, Susan, I just got another unkind email (that I desperately tried not to read and mostly succeeded) this morning, so that was a good antidote.