From your own mouth

Here’s this week’s post, thank you to all the wonderful and wise women who contributed.

“I recently wrote an online post about the decline of the double-decade marriage (right around 20 years) and how my man and I are planning to thwart it. Quite frankly, we’ve seen too many close friends lose their relationships over stupid decisions and selfish ideas.

Our list is simple: Make eye contact regularly, close down the restaurant talking on date night, don’t let issues fester, be intimate and pray together daily.

I posted these ideas and received an onslaught of way better ones. Here are a few of the brilliant things some amazing women had to say about their relationships:

“Remember that even though you look at each other and sometimes wonder, we’re in it for the long haul. Period. Sometimes that is what keeps us going until we can turn that corner, and then it’s even better than it was before. It’s worth not turning our backs on the whole kit and kaboodle, it really is.” Sues2u2

“There’s a certain fearlessness required in long-term relationships; the willingness to snoop in the dark corners where conflict lurks, haul it out into the light and stare it down (or give it a hug).” Christie

“I would add, ‘never start a marriage-altering conversation after 10 p.m.’ and ‘go somewhere alone together for at least 4 days, once every couple of years.’ Also, develop an independent interest in which your partner can support you without having to participate. This keeps your conversations lively with new experiences and information, and helps each partner bring a healthier, more ‘complete’ self to the marriage.” DeNae

“You know that chore you hate, the one that you think they should help out with occasionally, the one you stew over sometimes that just makes you so mad?  Stop, realize how much you love them, and even though they may not show appreciation for what you are doing, they do appreciate you. You take care of [each other] because you love [each other].” Jenny

“One thing our therapist told us was you can’t possibly over-communicate. (Except for when my husband tells me I do, in fact, look fat in those jeans. Then, less is more.) Another helpful thing would be: have a gazillion dollars.” Amber

“I think a little easy spontaneity helps. Sometimes it backfires if you plan something huge and the reality is a letdown. But little things, every day, mean a lot. To me, anyway.” Melanie

“One of my favorite quotes is, ‘We’ve been through a lot together, and most of it is your fault.’ My husband and I promised each other when we first got married that we’d never purposely hurt the other one’s feelings. That way, when one of us does it on accident (and maybe doesn’t realize it), the hurt person at least has that promise to fall back on until we can talk about it.” Lindsey

Marriage is wonderful. It’s also exasperating and frustrating and boring and challenging. Every marriage has highs, and every marriage has lows. Finding your groove and working through the difficult times, no matter how long you’ve been married, is the secret to commitment.

The world tells us we don’t have to do hard things. I disagree. Anything worth having is worth fighting for, and marriage should be at the top of that list.”


  1. Excellent advice. I’m really surprised I don’t have a quote on there. Did I say something about Mario Lopez?

  2. I don’t have any added advice that hasn’t already been put up there… but I always tell people that I didn’t just promise my spouse I’d stick it out for FOREVER… but I promised God, ANgels, and Witness… so I’d rather not let them down. 🙂

  3. Sound advice I think anyone can benefit from. Great idea for an article. See you soon 🙂

  4. Excellent advice from many, many wise women. =D

  5. Love the roundup of great advice. Next time, though, Kristina P. and I better be among that list. We’re pretty smart, you know.

  6. Love it, and it is so true. Sometimes, we just have to decide that STAYING married is more important than not being married, even though it is hard.

  7. I was listening to Dr Laura in the car the other day and she said something that I’ve been thinking about ever since.

    The caller said, “I’m bored with my marriage. I just don’t think I love my husband anymore.”

    Since I’ve thought that recently in my own marriage, I listened closely for Dr Laura’s answer. It went something like this:

    “So what,” she said, “ask every couple at their 50th wedding anniversary if they felt like they loved their spouse all the time, every day, every year of their marriage. Not one of them will say yes. Instead, they will talk about how they experienced highs and lows, good times and bad times, times where they were so in love and times when they weren’t. Getting through those times is what marriage is about. You might not always feel IN LOVE but when you work through those times when you feel like the love it gone, you find out what love is.”

    This reply stunned me. And I think it very well saved my marriage.


  8. What a great idea for a article. It does seem like so many couple are having troubles right now.
    This last comment from Jen was definitely my favorite. As a matter of fact my husband didn’t think our marriage would last when we got married because all of his family has been divorced @ least once. So every night I would tell him that he was stuck w/ me. Not because we’d been married in the temple (still haven’t darn him but, we’re getting closer) but because I married him until death us do part. I quit saying it when we had our first child & he finally understood that I wasn’t going anywhere.
    Lots of ups & downs in the meantime but still, here we are nearly 20 yrs later. Still going strong.
    Love, love, love all of the comments you got. Wonderful advice!

  9. I read an article a few years ago that really stuck with me. They were interviewing couples that had been married 50 years or more, and they asked them their secret for success. One couple responded, “We never fell out of love at the same time.”

    I have thought about that often when my husband and I are faltering. You don’t have to LOVE your spouse all the time. That’s okay and is a part of marriage. The important part is that at least one of you is there to pull you through to the high spots again.