manipulating the Santa clause

So here’s the thing. Kids today don’t really feel the effects of “ya better…” because we’re all a bunch of ninny’s. That’s right, we don’t have the coal to stick it to them come December 25th. In fact, sometimes the naughtiest kids end up with the best presents.

Therefore, I have developed a brilliantly evil plot to encourage better behavior next year. Have your children make a really, really good list. We’re talking a tramps and puppies kind of list. Encourage outrageous dreams, then tell them that the only way they’ll get it is if they’re super perfect.

Then sit back and watch them screw up for three months. Come Christmas morning when they run downstairs to find their stocking stuffed with socks and undies, and lame old lego’s, you can tell them sorry, they should have tried a little harder when you told them Santa was watching. Better luck next year…

(I have already put this plan into place. Rex thinks he’s getting a real live chameleon, Harry wants a big tramp for the back yard, and June would like Minnie Mouse in person. So. Not. Happening.)


  1. We don’t have the coal to stick it to them and we also don’t have the coal to stick to them. Figurative, literal. It’s all about having the coal.

  2. A big tramp, huh? I know a couple of women I can send over.

  3. Her Royal Highness says:

    We’ve had this mentality for awhile now. last year Mr. Fantastic was SUPER bummed because Santa didn’t deliver the DS he was so hoping for. My pocketbook loves it when they screw up.
    This year. We’re getting the coal. Oh yes, they SO deserve coal this year…


  5. My kids are only allowed to ask for tramps if they have perms and wear red lipstick.

  6. She really wants Minnie Mouse in person? Creepy.

  7. Melanie Jacobson says:

    Kristina beat me to the punchline.

  8. am. so. loving. this. 🙂
    too bad my mini-me is suddenly immune to the whole deal & its effect on her behavior. 🙁 stupid teenage years!!!

  9. Minnie Mouse in person? That’s adorable. Chameleon? Awesome. Trampoline? In December?? Ok sure, why not? That’ll be fun to move over seas!

    Your kids are darling and you’re brilliant! Love you!!

  10. Hilarious! I LOVE IT!