I refuse to be this lame.

This morning I woke up, gazed at the sparkling sun creeping over the Bavarian Alps and touching our quaint little cabin window, and instantly I was grumpy.

I stomped and frowned my way around the cabin for twenty minutes while Jason got ready. Finally he turned and looked me in the eye. “What’s wrong? We’re in one of the most beautiful places in the world, the kids are happy, the sun is shining and I can’t figure out why you’re being such a sour puss.”

Before I could make up some excuse about my gout or early PMS, my mouth went and told on me. “I FEEL FAT!”

I. Am. So. Lame.

I feel great about myself, I look great, and there is no reason for me to be anything but happy. Therefore I blame the devil himself for planting seeds of irritation in my brain because I’ve had four days of counting my calories right up the scale. Really, we all know that a week of careful calorie consumption and gallons of water and I’ll be right back where I was (which is six pounds away from where I really want to be by Halloween).

The point isn’t how much or little I weigh/eat, it isn’t the time frame or my diet plan or What To Do With My Gluttonous Heart. The point is I’ve fallen for that old trap that keeps me from loving this day and these people around me because I’m all wrapped up in my freaking vanity. The world is beautiful and I’ve got people who love me and two arms and two legs so I can play and hike and fix their hair cute.

I got myself ready and the kids and I took a leisurely stroll around the area (the kids fought the entire time about who got to push the stroller). Jason will be back from his meeting in twenty minutes and this is going to be an amazing day.

That old turkey we call the devil knows just what will tip us in the wrong direction, and if we’re not actively seeking to find the little rays of sunshine in our day he will rain on our parade faster than a flash flood. The trick is shrugging off the blue or black thoughts and running in the other direction as fast as possible.

Bring on the sunshine and mosquitoes, I’ve got my sunscreen and bug spray all ready to go.



  1. You know, I hit that all the time. One thought that really helps me get my frame of reference back on is to picture if I were to die today, looking down on my body in that casket and wanting to thank it for being my host all those years– bearing children, letting me eat, feel, taste- I don’t think I would care a bit about the five pounds….

  2. oh man, you caught that nasty feeling-too-fat-to-feel-good virus too?!
    damn that devil. he’s a sneaky one. i’ll have a great day or two, and then wham-o!
    smacked in the face with the same thing. so guess what i did?
    ya know how they say face your fears straight on? well, the same works with the feeling
    fat vibe. so i only allowed myself to dress in basketball shorts, tennies, and a t-shirt (as if i was headed to volleyball or the gym) today. yeah i know that’s not really taking the monster down, but here’s where it’s fab:
    i did barely any make-up (just concealer under my eyes, mascara, and some very thin brown eyeliner on top). yanked my hair up on the top of my head (made sure the ponytail looked ok). then…. i went to the mall. like that. JUST like that. and i didn’t let myself think terrible thoughts. i just pretended i’d come straight from the gym. and ya know, any other time in that get-up (minus the semi-make-up and decent ponytail) i’d have felt reclusive & cursed myself & NOT made eye contact with ANYONE. but my attitude changed it all. people looked me in the eyes and smiled. i smiled back. suddenly my waistline or puffy-feeling-ness didn’t even register in my head! instead, in the reflections of windows, i noticed that my legs aren’t half bad! they look pretty cute for being short & stubby… but they still have some tone to them, and a little line of definition along the side of each leg! it was exciting to take the microscope away from my eyes for the day. and i swear i feel a MILLION times better. (what helps even better is that there are some CRAZIER looking get-ups out there lately… like as if the “people of wal-mart” were bussed over and dropped off at the front door! so that helped lessen the blows on my own self-image today as well. couldn’t help but think “i could be a lot worse.” LOL. not saying i felt like heidi klum, but i DID in fact feel NORMAL for a change!) so, give it a try. 🙂

    oh yeah, and BTW, had this cool linky blog thing come up right before we left for utah last week. finally finished it and got it up late last night. you’re a part of it. so you might want to go check it out. 🙂 love ya oodles! ::hugs::


  3. Love this post Annie. The same feeling makes me feel much the same way. And I hate it. You’re right though… there are so many things that can’t be enjoyed when we are too focused on not liking ourselves. Especially we are so completely awesome, there is absolutely no reason NOT to be loving ourselves.

  4. I wonder if people who have never met you in person have any idea how goofy you are!! I would have to be dead three years to get as skinny as you. You’re right; stop being lame! And oh, how I wish I were with you, for so many, many reasons. LY.

  5. I love the last paragraph of this post! What a well-written truth! Would it be ok if I quoted you (with a link back, of course) on my small family blog? Your words really struck a chord with me and I would like to be reminded of them for the next little while.

  6. Come here so I can smack you upside the head.
    Just a little closer.
    **SMACK! **
    It’s only because I love you and your RIDICULOUS mind games. Seriously, woman, you exhaust me.