Oh gosh, we did it. Actually this was a whole lot more monumental than the actual act: we told Harrison about s-e-x. Now that we’ve done it I feel like I’m finally a full-fledged parent.
I use the term “we” lightly here since I mostly sat at the table red in the face while my husband casually threw out the world’s worst object lessons. Honestly, when he started talking about wet spaghetti noodles I just about crawled under the table.
The whole thing started last week. “I think we need to talk to Harrison about sex,” I said one evening. “They’re getting it in Health this year and I’d really like him to hear it from us.” For the record, we didn’t get it until 5th grade but I guess since kids are getting pregnant at twelve it’s best to be on top of it (warning: this post is going to be full of really unfortunate puns).
“Ok,” he said, “I’ll handle it.”
What? Hello? I’m an equal partner here. I then informed him that it was something we should study up on and prepare for together. Then he snorted and asked if I wanted to go “study” in our bedroom.
After the three youngest went to bed tonight we sat at the dining room table with Harry to review his Faith in God pamphlet and check his progress. Just as I was getting ready to send him off with a prayer and a kiss, Jason says, “Hey, why don’t we talk to him about s-e-x tonight?”
For the record, 4th graders can spell.
And thus commenced the most interesting conversation I have yet to have as a parent. We must have done an okay job because he had no problem asking us questions throughout. In fact, I think the whole thing cleared up a lot of speculation for him. He even asked if he could ask us the definition of words he sometimes hears on the bus, words like “gay.”
Yeah, it was enlightening. For all of us.
Jason handled the mechanics and I tried to interject occasionally with theoretical tid bits, like how special and PRIVATE it is, that it’s not something you tell your friends about or discuss on the school bus.
As we wrapped it up and walked him up the stairs his head was full of questions. Apparently the human body is extrememly interesting to nine-year-old boys because he peppered us with follow-ups like, “What’s the deal with poop?” and “Where do boogers come from?”
All in all I’d say it was a success. One down, three to go (he asked if he could sit in when we talk to his siblings).