I hate my hair.

I like to be violently blond. For goodness sakes the last thing I want anyone to do is look at my hair and say, “Is that your natural color?” I can do that genetically, thank you very much.

I came to Earth blond (actually bald but so far we haven’t hit that low again). Like many of my dishwater sisters puberty took my lovely golden locks and ruined them. Hence my natural dark blond color. I hate this color. My eyebrows and lashes are platinum and as far as I’m concerned that’s reason enough to do the same to my hair.

It’s a sticky business, bleaching your hair. Everyone has an opinion about how blond or not blond a girl should be but I don’t color my hair for the masses. The only person who gets a vote is my husband (sorry Mother).

Before we moved to Germany my hair was long and two-toned–platinum on top and dark underneath–and I loved it. My stylist listened to me and always managed to make me feel good about my choices, one of the things I paid her for.

Three days before we left I had a hair catastrophe with an unnamed stylist that changed my hair for-e-ver. We had to chop it and color it and well…it’s never been the same since. I feel like Sampson losing his locks. I like to blame just about everything on this fatal error. It’s the cause of my weight gain, the reason my floors are always sticky, why my laundry sours so fast over here, and (obviously) the reason I hate standing in front of the camera.

My stylist here is young. She’s young and American and tends to think she’s the only person in the world who knows how to do hair. To top it off she charges me way more than I should be paying, even in Germany, and as of yet I’ve been mostly unhappy with the results (not entirely her fault, you can only do so much with a head like mine).

Last week I went in to get my hair done. It was a Big Appointment, one of those where we change the course of history by shuffling around my color. I’ve hated my solid washed-out color for months but due to scheduling conflicts and poor communication she hasn’t been able to do much about it until now.

In my mind I was going to stay mostly blond on top with some lovely dimension throughout, thus retaining my Look-I-Color-My-Hair mantra not the Look-I-Color-My-Hair-Myself version.

And $110 dollars later what did I end up with?

Dark. Blond. Hair. No visible highlights, just a block of dark hair.

I actually had to shut my eyes while she styled the results because it looked so terrible to me. She made me look…natural. I know initial reactions aren’t always rational so I gulped down my panic and decided to give it a few days and a few washes before casting any longterm judgements.

I felt so ugly.

After my second full day with Ugly Hair I waited until Jason was asleep before letting myself bawl about it into my pillow. I don’t cry in front of him as a rule but apparently I couldn’t quite muffle the really ugly sobs (I should practice crying more so I can be less hideous about it).

“Honey?” he said in a half awake stupor, “Are you…crying?”

No, I’m practicing a part for the play.

My friends all assure me that it looks fine, good, very natural.

On day four I finally emailed my hair girl (she doesn’t do calls) and told her how ugly I was feeling. Had she worked in the states or at an actual salon I would have gone straight in and handled it in person.

She totally shot me down. Instead of a comforting, “How can I fix it?” she told me I knew what I was getting myself into and that I’d have to live with it.

And that is how you lose a customer. Next month’s pay check is going toward the hunt for a new stylist.




  1. Oh, Annie!!! I feel so bad! I know that your hair color is so important and when it isn’t right, it can rock your world!! I wish I was there to make it perfect for you:( I pray to the hair gods that you will find someone who can do your ‘do right! Good luck!
    P.S. It might be cheaper to just book a ticket to Utah and come on in to my salon for the real deal! Just sayin!

    • PPS If a stylist isn’t willing to stand behind their work and make their client feel happy, then they aren’t a good stylist! At our salon, we always guarantee our work as long as the client is using the recommended product by the stylist to keep the color and condition of the hair in tip-top shape:)

  2. Kristina P. says:

    Maybe you need Heidi Klum’s stylist.

  3. This is awful!!!!!!!!! I am so sorry. What a mean person. Unfortunately she won’t have a very good career as a stylist if she acts like that. Hair is so important to a woman. Good luck friend. Let us know how it goes!

  4. Dude. I hate this. This is almost making me fume.

    There is nothing worse when you go get your hair done (especially when you’re paying a butt load of money like that!!) when they don’t LISTEN to you. I absolutely HATE stylists that think they know better than you and do whatever they want. There’s a difference with being honest to the client that their hair just won’t do that, but pretending like they’re giving you what you want and then ending up with something totally different is terrible. I’ve had bad stylists and I’ve had GREAT stylists, who listened and worked with me, gave their opinions and listened to what I told them. Guess what guys? I’ve been styling my hair for my WHOLE LIFE, I *might* know a little bit about it when you’ve just touched it for a minute. GAH!

    Wow, I’m really worked up.

    Oh, and really I’m sorry. I hope your platinum locks are here before Christmas. šŸ™‚

  5. No, Iā€™m practicing a part for the play.

    Totally using that line.

  6. OH MAN…with that kind of an attitude, I’d X her for SURE. Does she even have customers after that kind of attitude. Too bad you weren’t still in Utah, my daugher could fix you up just fine. She is a wonderful stylist….and if it’s not quite how you wanted, she helps you get there.
    Hair is a big deal !!!!!

  7. Oh wow! Now that’s customer service! Well, at the very least you got a very hilarious post out of it. Does that make it better? No, I thought not. Good luck finding a new girl! The one thing I hate about moving is having to find a new stylist that I actually like.

  8. I don’t even know you in real life, but I know enough from reading your blog that you like PLATINUM hair!! I’m so sorry your hair person DIDN’T. That’s why I’m terrified to let someone new do my hair (my hair dresser and I both just moved far from each other!). It sucks starting over.

    I hope someone can salvage it for you!

  9. Oh my butt is SO fried for you! Nothing I despise more than a stylist who doesn’t listen to their client! Grrrrrrr……