Home from America

Have you ever spent three days away from home and left your husband with the kids, then came back to a house that is perfectly clean and children who are happy and stable, and you wondered why your existence even matters?

I learned this week that the biggest problem with a three-day momcation is that it simply isn’t long enough. Believe me, seven days away and you’re looking at a completely different welcome home.

I recently returned from a week in the states with my family. Three days away from Jason and the kids and I was unfortunate enough to see (from photos) that on day three of my absence the house was clean, the kids were bathed, and Jason had gone so far as to help Harrison cut out and decorate star and boot shaped sugar cookies for the Blue and Gold Scout Banquet.

I would have taken a yellow cake from a box. Probably would have skipped the frosting.

It’s one thing to see a single mom who can bring home the bacon and fry it; I find myself impressed and supportive of these women. But my husband? He is so not supposed to be that capable.

It’s probably super wrong to admit out loud that when I walked into my house after a full week away and found the floor littered with three days’ worth of kid droppings (string, tape, cheerios, dried out markers, bandaids, hair bands, socks, broken crayons, etc.), a slightly excessive amount of flotsam and jetsam on the dining room table, and three full baskets of laundry that needed to be delivered around the house, I was overcome with happiness. Even better? Hearing Jason say those words every woman longs to hear: “I just couldn’t get anything done. The kids were constantly interrupting me, they wouldn’t let me work from home or clean the house, it was so frustrating…”

I don’t think I’ve ever felt so necessary and important in a microworld. They need me, they really need me. Rex wanted to his homework with me last night, and the girls both sat on my lap the entire time. I made dinner and they liked it. They missed it. They missed me! I have a place in the world and it was good to slip back into it.

Seeing my family was amazing, I really have wonderful relationships waiting for the day when we can move back and join the family fray. I feel so blessed that after 16 years away from home I can still sit down with my siblings and extended family members and talk like we’re neighbors. I would have liked more time with my dad, it was my only regret and something I keep kicking myself about, but I did get some much needed mother/daughter time. It was a blessing to see and connect with so much of my family.

And yet…Germany is my home right now. Driving into the village gave me such peace of mind. I was flooded with certainty that we are here right now for a reason, I’m not going to waste time wishing it away. I guess it really is all about ages and stages and right now it’s probably a good thing that I’m marooned in my little German village. My kids need me to be free from distractions, and as marvelous as my family is, they certainly offer a plethora of delightful distractions.