When the Zombies come

I am a closet prepper. Actually I’m more like a mental closet prepper since I don’t really do anything to prepare us. I like to strategize how we’re going to build our farm someday in order to make it super comfy when the internet explodes and the zombies start a-knockin’.

Part of this might be due to the fact that Doomsday Preppers is my secret to a perfect afternoon. I used to let my kids watch it but they started worrying about the apocalypse, and being that they’re super young, I prefer to keep their anxiety in check. We stick to family fire drills and where to meet in the event of an earthquake or an unexpected canyon opening up in downtown Las Vegas (you know it’s going to happen).

Here’s my thinking though. As I watch these shows about prepping for What May Come I can’t help but reference what I know about The Secret–aka using your mental brain power to make things happen. Do you realize that if people keep jumping on this prepper wagon, we, as a society, are going to unintentionally make something terrible happen?

Or is it intentional…

Even though 97% of me knows that it won’t be cool when Pampers is out of business (aka the SHTF), I secretly thrill at the miserable excitement of it all. Do I have any water in my empty water containers? No. Have I stockpiled a substantial amount of cocoa powder and sugar? Not quite. I didn’t realize until today that I need to start storing Diet Coke if we ever want to trade for medical supplies.

So here’s my current list of things we’re going to do on the farm to prepare for dun dun dun dun…The End.

1. Build a house so we won’t be cold.

2. Have a fake floor in our house where we can store all sorts of things like fugitives and Diet Coke.

3. Get some masks and plastic gloves so we won’t catch Ebola.

4. Learn how to churn butter–seriously. I will die without butter.

5. Learn to like fish so we can eat the trout in our pond (also get rid of the otters who are currently cleaning us out of trout).

6.Build a barn, get draft horses to pull the Excursion around, and find ponies to make me happy. Learn how to drive horses.

7. Hide everything of value in unexpected places then make a map so we can remember where we put stuff.

8. Go solar (although in WA where the sun doesn’t shine this might be a little difficult).

9. Get a book of card games so we won’t kill each other over boredom.

10. Buy some flashlights and batteries and don’t let the kids know.

11. Stockpile paper, toilet paper, markers, glue, pipe cleaners, duct tape, crayons, diapers (to barter with), lipstick, mascara and fingernail polish. Um…I can’t think of anything else.

12. Also, buy a real pair of shoes…

I have every intention of the world staying up and running for at least ten more years because this list is going to take us some serious time and effort. Just stay dead, zombies. I’m not ready yet.



  1. “get draft horses to pull the Excursion around” HAHAHAHA!!!

  2. I don’t usually comment on your blog but I just had to say that you spoke to my heart… after watching the first season of “Jerico”, I stockpiled water and kept my car full of gas to be ready to get out of Vegas when it all came down. This lasted about a week. Now years later and recently out of Vegas, I make similar lists and try to make cheese/butter/caramel every once in a while. Got to learn these skills now!

  3. You forgot feminine products. Definitely stock up on those.