How to Pass a Kidney Stone

I think I need to die. Right here, right now, I would like nothing better than to curl up in a ball and leave this frail kidney stone existence, and float away to the great big emergency room in the sky.

But instead, I’ve decided to offer you five ways to avoid/ignore the pain.

1. Pass out.

2. Infect your husband with a kidney stone that’s twice as big, so he can really understand your pain.

3. Cut off a limb, preferably an important one.

4. Give birth. Wait, that’s easier.

5. Try every home remedy you can find on the internet, which will, inevitably, only make it worse.

If you’ll excuse me, I think I’m going to go roll around on the floor and moan a little bit. And can I just say, hurray for Martin Luther King, Jr. Thanks to him, my man is home today.


  1. Wait, how did this happen?!?! Just pretend it looks like someone whose name ryhmes with Samanda Pixon.

  2. Oh crap. You Valentine girls and your kidney stones. I am thinking of you and hope this passes quickly. The good news is it makes childbirth seem like a cake walk! Hang in there babe.

  3. Oh, baby, I’m so sorry! Apparently there’s a familial disposition to kidney stones? Bummer. I hope it doesn’t have anything to do with all that salami you’ve consumed… I’d hate for your skinny secret weapon to backfire.

    Good luck, & moan all you want. Just don’t roll around on the floor. I know (from sad experience) that children will mistakently assume that your prostrate body is unspoken invitation to wrassle. Not what you need right now…

  4. This is so weird. I was actually thinking about your salami diet and wondering how you’ve avoided kidney stones with eating that much protein. I feel like this is all my fault. Now I will think about that stone disappearing into nothing. See if that will help.

  5. I. am. so. sorry.

    They’re contagious?!

  6. Ack, horrible! I am so so so sorry, my aunt and two cousins have all had kidney stones and shared how agonizing it is! I feel for ya, that is terrible! Hope it passes quickly! (My cousin even passed one while she was pregnant, how fun huh?)

  7. honey-one word
    Diet coke and a nice warm blanket.
    Maybe some “sick Socks”-u know the fuzzy kind. They always make me feel better!
    If you lived closer, I would bring you chocolate.

  8. This must have come on suddenly; I believe I saw a picture of you at lunch on Saturday with some of our mutual pals, and you were all smiles!

    (Umm…that was you, wasn’t it? It was just one picture, on my phone, and I hadn’t previewed the guest list! But I’m pretty sure that’s your cute blonde head next to the picture of me drawn on the to-go box by Motherboard…)

    I’m so very sorry! I hope, I truly, truly hope, this passes quickly for you. My dad used to get them and they were miserable.

  9. I passed a gall stone last night, but I don’t think they hurt as much. But still, I wanted to kill someone. I need to go, the kids are depleting my orange juice supply. There’s nothing that turns me into Mrs. Hannigan faster than a depleted orange juice supply. Kill! KILL! (jk I family reads this.)

  10. I’m really sorry. I wish I had good words of wisdom, but I don’t. I hope you feel better fast!

  11. I feel SO BAD for you! I’ve been there & it truly is worse than childbirth. At least my labor was faster. Feel better soon!

  12. Oh Annie – I’m so sorry. Kidney stones are the worst. I hope it passes quickly and that they gave you plenty of morphine. Yowza.

  13. Oh, NO. That is seriously my worst fear.

  14. I LOOOOOOOOOOOOATHE kidney stones. I’m like a stone veteran and my biggest fear is being drafted back into the kidney war. Because, naturally, kidney stones only affect those that are most awesome – just to even the world out. At least you know you’re awesome now.

  15. Ouch! So sorry to hear this. They are so painful! I really hope you pass it soon. Oh… and I really enjoyed watching that clip on Studio 5. You looked fabulous!

  16. So sorry, my friend! My husband has had a rough year with those, having two surgeries (which I’m not allowed to blog about but he didn’t say anything about commenting) and I have never seen him in so much agony.

  17. You too? I am so there with you….. I’ve been fighting with one for about 6 weeks now… yes, 6 weeks.