Paris Hilton Stinks

Is there anything worse than the self revelation that way down deep where it counts, you’re trashy?

So I’ve been searching for a new signature perfume for the past few years. Perfume is tricky business. We’re not just talking about something that smells nice on paper, it has to love your skin, stay on your skin, and send a message to the world in general that you are a happy, confident, sexy woman.

(It should also have the power to turn a shower-free day into Springtime in the Rockies, cover up any bad house smells before company comes through the door, and make every man in your path beg to do your bidding.)

I’ve tried a number of high-end brands and decent mid-graders, from Ralph Laurens to Gucci to L’eau d’Izzey, there’s nothing I would like more than to wear something and fall in love with it.

And it can go totally wrong. I remember in high school finding a fragrance I loved and talking my mom into getting me the big bottle. The first day I was wearing it, a cute guy in my choir class told me I smelled just like his mother. He might as well have complimented my granny panties, I never touched the stuff again.

Perfume is a big commitment, especially where the budget is concerned. We all know that Dave Ramsey doesn’t support things like fresh fruit and cologne, I’m supposed to be living on rice and beans and shower gel right now. Still, I can’t fight this feeling that somewhere out there is a perfume that’s just waiting to give me magical powers.

Because that’s what happens when you find The One. You go from feeling fat and pregnant to knocked-up and sexy, it’s miraculous. Who knew that a bottle of perfume could give a girl a better hair day?

And so, after years of going perfumeless (seriously, the last bottle I bought was Cool Waters and that was five years ago), I walked into Pefumania the other day, and what do you think my skin accidentally discovered? That’s right, Paris Hilton, the classiest white trash heiress to ever hit the perfume aisle. One spray of her pheremone-induced potion of power and it was like magic.

And in case you’re wondering, Jason loves it, I swear I can’t put too much on. (He also suggested we keep the box because it has a “nice picture” on it, to which he then suggested we “get you a dress like that”. Right, because a dress like that’s going to be a real hit at church on Sunday.)

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!


  1. I really have to wonder about you now!

  2. I have Cartier. It smells diiiviiiiiine. I’m slightly judging you for the Paris Hilton thing haha.

  3. I lived in Paris by YSL for over a decade, everyone knew me by it. It was just part of my life that I didn’t have to think about each day. Then I wanted to experiment which was expensive and each time I would be bored quickly with whatever I bought. Now I live in Amazing Grace by Philosophy. People have even stopped me in the street and supermarket to ask what I am wearing.

  4. Ugg! The quest for the perfect sent has never gone well for me either! I don’t even have a WT back up scent! I remember doing the same thing in high school. I wanted so badly to have a bottle of Sunflower! I even think I thought it smelled bad but everyone wore it so I had to have it! So for Christmas my folks shelled out the cash for the big bottle and I wore it once, got a migraine and never wore it again! Then in my early 20’s I dropped $90 on a bottle of smelly water from Nordstroms. I loved it in the store! Then I was trying to be a catch in the singles scene so I thought a bottle of really expensive perfume would help! The first time I wore it to a group gathering some guy was like “Someone has B.O. like my mom!” Ummm! I was so freaked out he was referring to my new perfume I never wore it again and sold it at yard sale for $5!

  5. Ummm, I am now wearing Britney Spears’ Circus. I’ll see your trashiness and raise you a head shaving.

  6. Ahhh, it’s actually called Curious. Whatever.

    • annie valentine says:

      I’m afraid we share not only a brain, but a glandular system (did you know you can pick it up at Ross even cheaper?).

  7. You’ve sunken to a new, all-time low. Is this what happens when you move back to Utah? For the love!

    To those who opt to wear perfume — In the name of everyone that gets a migraine from perfumes LISTEN TO ME!! You do NOT have to have your scent oozing from your pores to have the desired effect of smelling good. You do NOT need the lotion, body powder, shower gel and eau de toilette/cologne on your body all at once. Please. Please. Please. Less is more. A whole. Lot. Less.

    Thank you.

  8. Oh Annie, I’m laughing so hard that I really don’t know what to say. Just, thanks for making me laugh.

  9. I’m a Giorgio girl, myself. (Do they even make that still?)

  10. I once dated a guy who wore the same aftershave as my grandpa. It just didn’t do much for me.

  11. Tammara sanchez says:

    Oh Annie memories you do bring back. I use to love Liz Claiborne until my mother told me it smelled like Fruity Stripes gum:) I now have many bottles that are okay but my favorite is Lucky and I love Burberry. I have to also agree with Tanya you do not need the whole Kaboom sometimes I think the person does not realize how much they really have on.

  12. I am on the exact same level of trashiness, Annie. I’ve been addicted to Paris Hilton’s scent for at least a good 5 years now and have worn it religiously. Unfortunately, my first pregnancy triggered some kind of strange hatred for the scent now (even 6 months after I had my daughter). I just recently found Jessica Simpson’s “Fancy” perfume and it’s pretty amazing, as well. It’s much lighter and sweeter– a great change from Paris Hilton. But you are not alone on your Paris kick.. I’ve been there as well.

  13. If I wear deodorant, it’s a good day.

  14. I was never a big perfume person AT ALL, would give me the worst headaches! Then one of my young women started wearing this scent that would blow my mind everytime she walked by, so I got some and I love it. Except when I got pregnant. Now I can’t stand the smell of it. I hope when this baby comes, it will smell wonderful again–and I hope when you’re not pregnant that your’s won’t smell bad! haha

  15. I like old lady perfume…when I go home, I always have to squirt a little of my mom’s Anais Anais behind my ears.

  16. Veronica says:

    I’ve never been a perfume girl. You’ve inspired me to give it a try.

  17. We have been watching Paris Hilton’s BFF. Where do they come across these folks? They are from another world!