I’m suddenly suspicious that his teacher might be one of the people who commented on the article. Now I feel like the biggest jerk on the planet. This article wasn’t meant to be a personal attack, it was meant to be a look inside the mind of a first grade mother. There are too many of us, all over the state and country, who feel this way for me to stay silent when I have an opportunity to take a stand.

Unfortunately his teacher probably hates me. The worst part is that I really really like her. The only reason I haven’t gone in and complained is because we are desperately trying to make this work. It’s only October, I don’t want to holler about something before I’ve given it a chance. Besides, from what I’ve heard, she gives the least amount of school work in the entire first grade. It’s the other mothers who are having a really hard time.

And so, here I am, all stancy and opinionated, and not sure what to do. I still feel strongly about my article, and I think it’s my job to write something that will make people think. Sure, I could be all tame and pussy foot around the issue, but what good is that going to do?

What if this article is just what some poor mother needs to get up the courage to talk to her kid’s teacher? That’s what I want to see, parents taking action. Sometimes we’re silent because we think we’re alone. No one should feel that way, they shouldn’t be afraid to speak out and say something.

And in the meantime I’ve totally blasted my relationship with his teacher to bits. She probably hates me. They all probably hate me. Oh gosh, this sucks.

On a positive note, I did get an email today that totally made me feel better.

“Dear Annie,

Just want to compliment you on your essay in the Standard Examiner. You are so much on target. Elementary school children need playtime and book reading after school, not stacks of worksheets. Occasional homework projects that can be completed in cooperation with parents and/or siblings such as drawing/writing, making a puppet, doing a simple science investigation, etc. would be more appropriate. Research has identified the prevalence of fourth  grade “learned helplessness” resulting from repeated failure and frustration. Also research supports that homework doesn’t effect achievement in a positive way until about seventh grade. We are in a competitive society where people believe more is better, especially when it comes to homework.

Sincerely,

Rosalind Charlesworth, Ph.D.
Professor Emerita
Child and Family Studies
Weber State U.”

Phew.

Seriously, we’re talking hate, people.

Funny, but even though I prepared myself for some negative feedback from today’s article, it still kind of sucks to have someone hate me. Do not ask me what this person has going on in their life to make them so prickly, but whatever it is they’ve singled me out as their bullseye.

Personally, I believe there’s nothing wrong with disagreeing with someone, but getting all nasty and personal attacky? Good thing I know Jesus loves me or I’d be in bad shape right about now.

Check out this week’s Top of Utah Voices article, then read the comments  (especially the oldest one). I would say ouch to the ugly one if I thought it had any validity, but since this person seems to have mistaken me with a heathen drug mother, I’ll let it go. In fact, I’ll do one better. I’m totally going to pray for that person right now. How awful to have that kind of yuckiness inside.

Jason picked three numbers between 1-64, in no particular order. The winners are…

Kristin Doyle! You have won the complete first season of Beverly Hills, 90210. Please email me your mailing address because I know you can’t wait to break it open. And for those of you who missed it, Kristin gave me the sweetest advice ever. She said, “A very happy birthday and I hope you spent some time flipping off Dave Ramsey and bought yourself a little sometin’ on the side!” For the record, I did.

Camille Me-No-Hate! I love Camille so much, she’s the funniest girl you’ve ever met, and she’ll be totally stoked to collect ANOTHER Twilight T-shirt!

And lastly, Katie Johns! I met Katie when we lived in Maryland, and I must say that Junk Tie is going to look absolutely adorable on her. Of course, everything looks adorable on her. Thanks Katie for remembering me!

In other news, I’m having writer’s anxiety today. Remember how I write once a month for the opinion page of our big daily paper here in northern Utah? And remember how I’m supposed to take a stand on something?

So my deadline was today (it publishes Monday) and I went ahead and submitted. I didn’t just submit, I threw off a scathing monologue on how much I hate first-grade homework packets and the adults who create them.

This is the kind of piece that’s going to put my email account into overdrive because of all the over-achiever parents and first-grade teachers who believe in homework like it was some kind of after school religion, and will take my anti-worksheetism personally.

But I can’t help it. Harrison hardly has time to breathe during the week, and we’ve had to forego his chore chart for play time. He either does homework and housework, or homework and active play. I can’t bear to have an unhappy child, so I’ve had to sacrifice his chore chart to his imagination. (This does not exclude him from setting the table or making his bed, but during the week there is no window washing or toilet scrubbing.)

I had Jason read through the piece before I sent it (he loves it), but even after his approval, I had to ask myself: First, do I really really feel serious enough to publish this opinion, and Second, would Jesus be okay with this?

I feel pretty good about both. And hey, it was either anti-homework or co-sleeping, so I’m asking for haters either way.

Okay, I have to introduce you to Royce, from Good Things Come to Those Who Blog. She’s a New Zealand princess (kind of) who now lives in America and doesn’t know what to do during the Pledge of Allegiance (probably because she’s used to people bowing down to her wherever she goes). She’s also my first guest blogger ever.

During her early years in New Zealand, Royce spent her days killing seagulls and selling them off to drunk people as chickens, and braving her neighbor’s electric fence to filch free milk from their cattle (we all know the fence wasn’t for the cows). Not exactly Princess Diana, but she certainly never lacked for character building experiences.

All in all, I love this girl, and you will too. So, with no further adeau, here’s a little sumpin’ from my favorite New Zealand princess:

“I witnessed the World’s Most Extraordinary Mother in action today. I
saw her exhibit exceptional parenting skills right in front of me, in
line at the bank.

I could see her five children – none older than eight years of age,
sitting primly in a row on the foyer chairs. I marveled at the fact
that not one of them was fidgeting, pummeling their neighbour or
wiping snot on their chairs, this being, as you know, Required Bank
Behaviour.  By some unspoken agreement this behaviour is perpetuated
at Church, Restaurants and Libraries with a slight addition for
Grandma’s house – that of peeing in the rose bushes. They know the
protocol and they stick to it.

Until now.

I watched them, fascinated by the reverence these children were emanating.

Then the Worlds Most Extraordinary Mother called out to her children.
And when I say, “called”, I mean, “screamed”.  With consummate skill
she delivered the following…

“WHAT THE SAM HILL ARE YOU DOING AMANDA?  DON’T TELL ME YOU DIDN’T
TOUCH HIM… YOU KNOW I’VE GOT EYES IN THE BACK OF MY HEAD!  ARE YOU
TRYING TO MAKE ME ANGRY?  BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT’S GONNA HAPPEN!  I’M
GONNA GIVE YOU A THUMBS DOWN…. A THUMBS D-O-W-N!
THAT MEANS NO SLURPIE FOR YOU!  DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT ASKING ME FOR A
SLURPIE! SLURPIES ARE FOR GOOD CHILDREN!
I’M GONNA BE DONE IN FIVE MINUTES AND WHEN I COME GET YOU, YOU BETTER
BE THUMBS UP BEHAVING OR NOBODY AND I MEAN NOBODY, IS GONNA GET NO
SLURPIE TODAY!”

I watched her – my mouth open in disbelief!  In fact, customers and
staff alike stood in awe!  I felt like I was watching Dr. Phil in a
dress!

Using public humiliation as a disciplinary tool is a lost art.  The
tirade was delivered so skillfully that I almost didn’t notice the
double negative, which was the only thing I could fault her with.  (I
don’t think anyone else noticed so she may have gotten away with it.)

This also brought to mind an important point, that it’s time we
honoured the slurpie for the essential role it plays in child-rearing.

In fact, I’m going to go get three age appropriate slurpies this very minute.”

Thank you, darling Royce, I’ll offer up my alliegance to you any day. Sluuurrrrp.

Forgive me, but I have to indulge myself and post this darling picture of my June Bug from our Christmas photo shoot with Veronica. In case you missed it, Veronica is amazing and wonderful and even eight months pregnant, capable of capturing photographic brilliance. This series is particularly impressive, considering the fact that June was ready to attack the camera during most of the photo shoot.

In other news, I have very little to say about The Biggest Loser last night. Freaky Tracy, notice how they include every one of her wide eyed stares in the editing? Mo seems to like her, I’m wondering if she’s not as bad as they’re making her out to be. Just kidding!

Thank you to every one of you yesterday that wished me a happy birthday, your thoughts and tunes totally made my day. It was, without a doubt, one of the best birthdays ever. And if you missed it and want to get some free birthday gear, you have until Thursday at midnight to enter my contest.

And lastly, check out This Week’s Column on marriage and relationships and lasagna.

I’ve  made it, at 31 I’m finally into my 30’s. Whoo  hoo for the thirties, and I must say, best birthday ever. Starting with my dear friend Christi taking my kiddo’s for the entire afternoon (which Jason set up), closely followed by my husband’s surprise lunch date with me (that went totally south thanks to some dead guy), to our evening at the arcade and family party (with the most amazingly decadent chocolate cake EVER, thank you darling Heather), I could not have asked for more.

Now I ask you, what would a birthday be without presents? As Super Queen of the Universe, I’m offering anyone with a keyboard a chance to win something, just because I can.

First up, a DVD set of THE ORIGINAL Beverly Hills, 90210’s – The Complete First Season.

I know, you’re dying right now, aren’t you?

Next up, I’m giving away one of my Stupid Twilight T-shirts, designed last year and currently for sale at The Quilted Bear in Ogden. (If you don’t win and really want one, send me a nice email and a check/paypal and I’ll mail one to you.) This is available in S, M, L, XL, or (I think) XXL. They’re Bella brand T-shirts, great quality.

And lastly, I’m giving away one of my Junk Ties. They’re super cute hair ties and I would post a picture, but my camera is on the fritz. Trust me, you’ll love them. It’s a hair tie that’s to die for.

The rules? Wish me happy birthday in the comment box. Considering I only get about 30 comments on a good day, your chances are kind of awesome that you’ll open the mail box next week and find one of these fabulouso prizes. The contest ends at 11:59 pm, Thursday, October 8th. I’ll randomly choose three winners, so get crackalacking.

In celebration of my first Regarding Annie blogversary (which was actually a month ago, but who counts that kind of stuff?), I am giving my blog a mini-makeover.

To be honest, I’ve been scrutinizing blogs for the past year, trying to find a graphic artist that was the right fit for us. I’m not particularly cartoony or scrapbooky, and I like the idea of a real life, totally doctored picture. (Since I go to great lengths to doctor myself up in real life, I thought I should stay true to form on the blog.)

Enter Visible Voice.

I found this amazing girl’s blog a few months ago and finally decided to just go ahead and ask if she’d be willing to work with me. She’s brilliant and wonderful, her background is in Interactive Multimedia Graphic Design and she’s just getting started professionally.

But her story is WAY more interesting than a simple graphic design bio.

Kristi lives in a faraway land that you never knew existed. Literally, the girl is hunkering down in a compound out in the bush, completely isolated from movies, malls, McDonald’s, Mormons–she doesn’t even have a grocery store. They have to take an hour plane ride just to find civilization, and most of her gear is ordered in.

She’s the only mom and her son is the only kid. The internet is her one link to the real world, so any love (or care packages) you can give her is kind of awesome.

And so, with no further adeau, I would like to offer up my New Banner Makeover options. She did exactly what I wanted, three times. That’s right, I can’t decide from one minute to the next which one to choose, because Kristi is so ridiculously talented.

Have a looksee and let me know what you think. I’d  love your opinion.

(And go visit Kristi over at Visible Voice when you get a second. Totally worth it.)

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Finally got around to watching The Biggest Loser tonight.

Okay, Tracy, as a woman, I can overlook a lot of things. Obesity? No problem. Hospitalization? Go for it. Coming into the game a week late and doing your best to ruin any chance you have of fitting in/making friends/building a trusting relationship with your trainers? GO HOME.

In case you’re not watching the show this season (shame on you), Tracy passed out during the pre-game show and loped onto the ranch a week late. In her very very desperate attempt be in total control (she obviously has issues there), she jumped at the first twinkie they threw her way and traded a week’s worth of training for her AND her partner (without consulting him) for a two pound advantage.

That’s right. Two. Pounds. In a show where people are dropping double digits every stinking week (sans the TRAIN-ERS), she didn’t even wait around for the four pound advantage.

Then, after a massive verbal beating from Jillian (who is freaky good at beatings in general), what does she go and do? She jumps right back into the game 24 hours later and eats 400 calories of cupcakes just to win control of the game.

(On a personal note, I don’t think 400 calories of cupcakes could possibly hurt anyone who is exercising 27 hours a day, and in fact, the only two people who did well on the scales ate cupcakes this week. But I regurgitate.)

The big problem came at the end. This girl had the nerve to LIE to all the teams who came and begged for mercy. That’s right, they asked if she’d cut them slack, she promised she would, then when push came to shove and they actually stepped up on the scales, she screwed every. Single. One.

Why can’t people just be honest? When they asked her, why didn’t she just say, “Look, I see what you’re saying, but I didn’t eat those cupcakes so I could go home, I ate them to stay in the game. So I’m sorry, but I’ve got to go with my gut here (pun intended) and sacrifice that fatty over there.” I can respect that. But telling straight faced lies? So totally uncool.

Makes me wonder how many times she lied to herself about how many cupcakes she ate (did you see that part?).

It’s a funny thing about fashion. Has anyone else noticed that you can wear just about anything you want (with the exception of Mom Jeans) and be stylish right now? And isn’t it kind of reflective of the world? You know, the whole “anything goes” mentality about values in general.

Although as far as fashion is concerned, I’m not complaining. (The exception here are those ugly rolled up boyfriend jeans. Hideous. Seriously, who’s even wearing them?)

As a professional crafter of children and home, I find that many SAHMers put their own personal style on the back burner. Not that we don’t have personal style, just that we don’t have much time to cultivate it. Because let’s face it, between the crock pot and family taxi service, there’s not much fashion stimulation.

So here is my list of fall Stay-On-The-Fashion-Train-Must-Have’s for the soccer mom in you. I will preface this with the fact that my in-house apparel usually consists of a plain T-shirt and a pair of jeans. Three minutes before I load the kids, I *accessorize. It’s the perfect solution to the busy hipster in you that’s just waiting to be unleashed.

1. Trendy cap. Okay, I went shopping with my wonderful girlfriend from college the other day and tried to convince her that a cap is every mom’s answer to a no-shower, greasy hair day. “But I don’t think I can pull it off,” she says. So we had her test drive a cute little hat around the store for twenty minutes, just to give her the feel with plenty of mirrors handy. By the time we left, she was converted. It only takes guts the first time you wear it, after that it’s the best kept secret to a bad hair day.

2. Hoops. The bigger, the better as far as I’m concerned. Nothing says “with it” like a pair of hoops. Trust me, they take five years off your self-esteem. You go from feeling moldy to sassy in about 2 seconds. Can’t beat the feeling. (And yes, gold is my metal of choice.)

3. Scarf. In case you’ve missed it, scarfs are kind of wonderful. And the best part? They don’t even have to match your outfit. In case you need wearing lessons, check out some online photos and see how they’re tying them, then get yourself one.

4. Bangles. If you’re not comfortable with jewelry, some simple silver bangles are a good way to start and look cute with absolutely everything. I love bracelets, particularly indestructible metal ones that The Junebug can’t destroy.

5. Cardigan and wraps. They’re everywhere in every shape and every color this year. I love them. If you add one staple to your wardrobe, add a cardigan. And don’t be afraid to live in color.

If I had to suggest a 6th item, it would be animal print heels. But I kind of doubt most women would reach for them the way I do. But if you’re feeling frisky, cheetah stilettos are great to have on hand.

*I don’t usually wear all these things at once. Usually.