Let’s change topics.

I finally watched The Biggest Loser yesterday. Holy fat cow, Mo is totally right: Tracy has supernatural powers.

Do you realize that not only has she managed to retain power in this game (despite everyone hating her chubby guts), but she’s losing an impressive amount of weight without even hitting the gym? I swear, if I didn’t know better I’d think that girl was regurgitating her Caesar salads.

And it goes even further than that. Not only does the wheel of fortune have Tracy’s name written all over it’s black and blue face, but she has the power to make her mortal enemies do her bidding. Seriously impressive.

Take Liz for instance. Tracy spun the game wheel, complete with about 50 possible options, and on her first try got the one and only golden ticket. That gave her the sole power to divide their group of 12 into two teams, breaking up current allegiances and stacking things in her favor. And come on, who doesn’t love that kind of drama?

Because she’s smart, and because everyone hates her anyway, she busted some teams to smitherines, earning a number of new enemies. Personally, I’m starting to like this girl. I think she’s mostly smart (aside from her inability to say it like it is. She tends to talk out of both sides of her mouth. Example: telling Bob she felt a connection with him instead of just stating the truth–Jillian hates her guts so she’d like to keep a safe distance between them.), and I think she handled the break up rather brilliantly.

Unfortunately, Liz took it personally. She declared that she would do whatever it took to get Tracy out of the game. But when eliminations came around at the end of the week, Tracy used her magical abilities to voodoo Mo into sacrificing himself on her behalf, and did one better by convincing everyone to take him at his word and vote him off. Poor Mo, but go Tracy go.

How impressive is that? I wish she would publicize her dirty power secrets, I bet they’d work wonders on my kids.

So yesterday I went in and talked to Harry’s teacher.

To be honest, I sit around taking care of kids and cleaning the house all day, I don’t get out much. And my blog? I write for mothers and from what I can tell, most of you feel the same way I do. I can honestly say the impression I’ve had from most mothers here is that my article hit the spot, it’s exactly how they feel.

Then I met with Mrs. B.

Ho-Ly Crap. The first thing she told me was that she felt sorry for me, because in lieu of my recent article, there’s not a teacher at my son’s school who wants anything to do with him or me. Basically, as far as that school goes, my name is Mud.

I was kind of stunned. It was like finding out you were adopted by really mean people. The teachers at his school felt personally attacked, and that’s my fault. If I could do anything again, I would have gone in and warned Mrs. B about the article so she wasn’t taken by surprise, and so she understood that I write to represent mothers, not just myself. If I had a problem with her, I would tell her. It’s homework in general I hate, and that’s a national issue.

But I still would have published it, because it’s my job to represent mothers, and gosh darn it, I’m going to do it.

The thing is, after talking to a few friends, I’ve learned that our elementary school tends to blacklist parents who make a noise. In fact, the first grade teachers have had two complaints about the homework already this year, but they haven’t made any changes. Why? Because the first mother came across as angry and upset (which never got anyone anywhere) and the second complaint was anonymous. ANONYMOUS.

Now what does that tell you? It tells me that mothers are terrified to talk to the teachers at our school. I tried to tell Mrs. B that so many moms are passive and don’t feel like they can say anything. If an anonymous letter doesn’t speak volumes, I don’t know what does.

And instead of listening to a single thing I said in my article, the teachers at my son’s school hate me (with the exception of Mrs. B, who is seriously an angel on Earth, and Mrs. J, the principal, who I worship and adore).

So I’m asking for something from all of you who have agreed with me. SAY SOMETHING. If you feel this way, don’t just leave me a comment agreeing with me, GO IN AND SAY SOMETHING! Do it with cookies if that makes you feel better, be kind and appreciative of all the things those wonderful teachers are doing for our kids (because we all know they’re working their tails off here), but let them know how you feel.

Don’t wait a single day, and don’t do it anonymously. Send an email, send a letter. Write a note to the principal, buy a hot air balloon–just do something. If we don’t start speaking up and speaking out as a group, it’s not going to matter.

Because I’ll tell you right now, they didn’t believe me yesterday. It was like I was in a different country. If we’re going to make a difference here, we have to communicate with teachers.

What are you waiting for? Do it. Do it now.

I’m suddenly suspicious that his teacher might be one of the people who commented on the article. Now I feel like the biggest jerk on the planet. This article wasn’t meant to be a personal attack, it was meant to be a look inside the mind of a first grade mother. There are too many of us, all over the state and country, who feel this way for me to stay silent when I have an opportunity to take a stand.

Unfortunately his teacher probably hates me. The worst part is that I really really like her. The only reason I haven’t gone in and complained is because we are desperately trying to make this work. It’s only October, I don’t want to holler about something before I’ve given it a chance. Besides, from what I’ve heard, she gives the least amount of school work in the entire first grade. It’s the other mothers who are having a really hard time.

And so, here I am, all stancy and opinionated, and not sure what to do. I still feel strongly about my article, and I think it’s my job to write something that will make people think. Sure, I could be all tame and pussy foot around the issue, but what good is that going to do?

What if this article is just what some poor mother needs to get up the courage to talk to her kid’s teacher? That’s what I want to see, parents taking action. Sometimes we’re silent because we think we’re alone. No one should feel that way, they shouldn’t be afraid to speak out and say something.

And in the meantime I’ve totally blasted my relationship with his teacher to bits. She probably hates me. They all probably hate me. Oh gosh, this sucks.

On a positive note, I did get an email today that totally made me feel better.

“Dear Annie,

Just want to compliment you on your essay in the Standard Examiner. You are so much on target. Elementary school children need playtime and book reading after school, not stacks of worksheets. Occasional homework projects that can be completed in cooperation with parents and/or siblings such as drawing/writing, making a puppet, doing a simple science investigation, etc. would be more appropriate. Research has identified the prevalence of fourth  grade “learned helplessness” resulting from repeated failure and frustration. Also research supports that homework doesn’t effect achievement in a positive way until about seventh grade. We are in a competitive society where people believe more is better, especially when it comes to homework.

Sincerely,

Rosalind Charlesworth, Ph.D.
Professor Emerita
Child and Family Studies
Weber State U.”

Phew.

Seriously, we’re talking hate, people.

Funny, but even though I prepared myself for some negative feedback from today’s article, it still kind of sucks to have someone hate me. Do not ask me what this person has going on in their life to make them so prickly, but whatever it is they’ve singled me out as their bullseye.

Personally, I believe there’s nothing wrong with disagreeing with someone, but getting all nasty and personal attacky? Good thing I know Jesus loves me or I’d be in bad shape right about now.

Check out this week’s Top of Utah Voices article, then read the comments  (especially the oldest one). I would say ouch to the ugly one if I thought it had any validity, but since this person seems to have mistaken me with a heathen drug mother, I’ll let it go. In fact, I’ll do one better. I’m totally going to pray for that person right now. How awful to have that kind of yuckiness inside.

Jason picked three numbers between 1-64, in no particular order. The winners are…

Kristin Doyle! You have won the complete first season of Beverly Hills, 90210. Please email me your mailing address because I know you can’t wait to break it open. And for those of you who missed it, Kristin gave me the sweetest advice ever. She said, “A very happy birthday and I hope you spent some time flipping off Dave Ramsey and bought yourself a little sometin’ on the side!” For the record, I did.

Camille Me-No-Hate! I love Camille so much, she’s the funniest girl you’ve ever met, and she’ll be totally stoked to collect ANOTHER Twilight T-shirt!

And lastly, Katie Johns! I met Katie when we lived in Maryland, and I must say that Junk Tie is going to look absolutely adorable on her. Of course, everything looks adorable on her. Thanks Katie for remembering me!

In other news, I’m having writer’s anxiety today. Remember how I write once a month for the opinion page of our big daily paper here in northern Utah? And remember how I’m supposed to take a stand on something?

So my deadline was today (it publishes Monday) and I went ahead and submitted. I didn’t just submit, I threw off a scathing monologue on how much I hate first-grade homework packets and the adults who create them.

This is the kind of piece that’s going to put my email account into overdrive because of all the over-achiever parents and first-grade teachers who believe in homework like it was some kind of after school religion, and will take my anti-worksheetism personally.

But I can’t help it. Harrison hardly has time to breathe during the week, and we’ve had to forego his chore chart for play time. He either does homework and housework, or homework and active play. I can’t bear to have an unhappy child, so I’ve had to sacrifice his chore chart to his imagination. (This does not exclude him from setting the table or making his bed, but during the week there is no window washing or toilet scrubbing.)

I had Jason read through the piece before I sent it (he loves it), but even after his approval, I had to ask myself: First, do I really really feel serious enough to publish this opinion, and Second, would Jesus be okay with this?

I feel pretty good about both. And hey, it was either anti-homework or co-sleeping, so I’m asking for haters either way.

Okay, I have to introduce you to Royce, from Good Things Come to Those Who Blog. She’s a New Zealand princess (kind of) who now lives in America and doesn’t know what to do during the Pledge of Allegiance (probably because she’s used to people bowing down to her wherever she goes). She’s also my first guest blogger ever.

During her early years in New Zealand, Royce spent her days killing seagulls and selling them off to drunk people as chickens, and braving her neighbor’s electric fence to filch free milk from their cattle (we all know the fence wasn’t for the cows). Not exactly Princess Diana, but she certainly never lacked for character building experiences.

All in all, I love this girl, and you will too. So, with no further adeau, here’s a little sumpin’ from my favorite New Zealand princess:

“I witnessed the World’s Most Extraordinary Mother in action today. I
saw her exhibit exceptional parenting skills right in front of me, in
line at the bank.

I could see her five children – none older than eight years of age,
sitting primly in a row on the foyer chairs. I marveled at the fact
that not one of them was fidgeting, pummeling their neighbour or
wiping snot on their chairs, this being, as you know, Required Bank
Behaviour.  By some unspoken agreement this behaviour is perpetuated
at Church, Restaurants and Libraries with a slight addition for
Grandma’s house – that of peeing in the rose bushes. They know the
protocol and they stick to it.

Until now.

I watched them, fascinated by the reverence these children were emanating.

Then the Worlds Most Extraordinary Mother called out to her children.
And when I say, “called”, I mean, “screamed”.  With consummate skill
she delivered the following…

“WHAT THE SAM HILL ARE YOU DOING AMANDA?  DON’T TELL ME YOU DIDN’T
TOUCH HIM… YOU KNOW I’VE GOT EYES IN THE BACK OF MY HEAD!  ARE YOU
TRYING TO MAKE ME ANGRY?  BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT’S GONNA HAPPEN!  I’M
GONNA GIVE YOU A THUMBS DOWN…. A THUMBS D-O-W-N!
THAT MEANS NO SLURPIE FOR YOU!  DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT ASKING ME FOR A
SLURPIE! SLURPIES ARE FOR GOOD CHILDREN!
I’M GONNA BE DONE IN FIVE MINUTES AND WHEN I COME GET YOU, YOU BETTER
BE THUMBS UP BEHAVING OR NOBODY AND I MEAN NOBODY, IS GONNA GET NO
SLURPIE TODAY!”

I watched her – my mouth open in disbelief!  In fact, customers and
staff alike stood in awe!  I felt like I was watching Dr. Phil in a
dress!

Using public humiliation as a disciplinary tool is a lost art.  The
tirade was delivered so skillfully that I almost didn’t notice the
double negative, which was the only thing I could fault her with.  (I
don’t think anyone else noticed so she may have gotten away with it.)

This also brought to mind an important point, that it’s time we
honoured the slurpie for the essential role it plays in child-rearing.

In fact, I’m going to go get three age appropriate slurpies this very minute.”

Thank you, darling Royce, I’ll offer up my alliegance to you any day. Sluuurrrrp.

Forgive me, but I have to indulge myself and post this darling picture of my June Bug from our Christmas photo shoot with Veronica. In case you missed it, Veronica is amazing and wonderful and even eight months pregnant, capable of capturing photographic brilliance. This series is particularly impressive, considering the fact that June was ready to attack the camera during most of the photo shoot.

In other news, I have very little to say about The Biggest Loser last night. Freaky Tracy, notice how they include every one of her wide eyed stares in the editing? Mo seems to like her, I’m wondering if she’s not as bad as they’re making her out to be. Just kidding!

Thank you to every one of you yesterday that wished me a happy birthday, your thoughts and tunes totally made my day. It was, without a doubt, one of the best birthdays ever. And if you missed it and want to get some free birthday gear, you have until Thursday at midnight to enter my contest.

And lastly, check out This Week’s Column on marriage and relationships and lasagna.

I’ve  made it, at 31 I’m finally into my 30’s. Whoo  hoo for the thirties, and I must say, best birthday ever. Starting with my dear friend Christi taking my kiddo’s for the entire afternoon (which Jason set up), closely followed by my husband’s surprise lunch date with me (that went totally south thanks to some dead guy), to our evening at the arcade and family party (with the most amazingly decadent chocolate cake EVER, thank you darling Heather), I could not have asked for more.

Now I ask you, what would a birthday be without presents? As Super Queen of the Universe, I’m offering anyone with a keyboard a chance to win something, just because I can.

First up, a DVD set of THE ORIGINAL Beverly Hills, 90210’s – The Complete First Season.

I know, you’re dying right now, aren’t you?

Next up, I’m giving away one of my Stupid Twilight T-shirts, designed last year and currently for sale at The Quilted Bear in Ogden. (If you don’t win and really want one, send me a nice email and a check/paypal and I’ll mail one to you.) This is available in S, M, L, XL, or (I think) XXL. They’re Bella brand T-shirts, great quality.

And lastly, I’m giving away one of my Junk Ties. They’re super cute hair ties and I would post a picture, but my camera is on the fritz. Trust me, you’ll love them. It’s a hair tie that’s to die for.

The rules? Wish me happy birthday in the comment box. Considering I only get about 30 comments on a good day, your chances are kind of awesome that you’ll open the mail box next week and find one of these fabulouso prizes. The contest ends at 11:59 pm, Thursday, October 8th. I’ll randomly choose three winners, so get crackalacking.

In celebration of my first Regarding Annie blogversary (which was actually a month ago, but who counts that kind of stuff?), I am giving my blog a mini-makeover.

To be honest, I’ve been scrutinizing blogs for the past year, trying to find a graphic artist that was the right fit for us. I’m not particularly cartoony or scrapbooky, and I like the idea of a real life, totally doctored picture. (Since I go to great lengths to doctor myself up in real life, I thought I should stay true to form on the blog.)

Enter Visible Voice.

I found this amazing girl’s blog a few months ago and finally decided to just go ahead and ask if she’d be willing to work with me. She’s brilliant and wonderful, her background is in Interactive Multimedia Graphic Design and she’s just getting started professionally.

But her story is WAY more interesting than a simple graphic design bio.

Kristi lives in a faraway land that you never knew existed. Literally, the girl is hunkering down in a compound out in the bush, completely isolated from movies, malls, McDonald’s, Mormons–she doesn’t even have a grocery store. They have to take an hour plane ride just to find civilization, and most of her gear is ordered in.

She’s the only mom and her son is the only kid. The internet is her one link to the real world, so any love (or care packages) you can give her is kind of awesome.

And so, with no further adeau, I would like to offer up my New Banner Makeover options. She did exactly what I wanted, three times. That’s right, I can’t decide from one minute to the next which one to choose, because Kristi is so ridiculously talented.

Have a looksee and let me know what you think. I’d  love your opinion.

(And go visit Kristi over at Visible Voice when you get a second. Totally worth it.)

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Finally got around to watching The Biggest Loser tonight.

Okay, Tracy, as a woman, I can overlook a lot of things. Obesity? No problem. Hospitalization? Go for it. Coming into the game a week late and doing your best to ruin any chance you have of fitting in/making friends/building a trusting relationship with your trainers? GO HOME.

In case you’re not watching the show this season (shame on you), Tracy passed out during the pre-game show and loped onto the ranch a week late. In her very very desperate attempt be in total control (she obviously has issues there), she jumped at the first twinkie they threw her way and traded a week’s worth of training for her AND her partner (without consulting him) for a two pound advantage.

That’s right. Two. Pounds. In a show where people are dropping double digits every stinking week (sans the TRAIN-ERS), she didn’t even wait around for the four pound advantage.

Then, after a massive verbal beating from Jillian (who is freaky good at beatings in general), what does she go and do? She jumps right back into the game 24 hours later and eats 400 calories of cupcakes just to win control of the game.

(On a personal note, I don’t think 400 calories of cupcakes could possibly hurt anyone who is exercising 27 hours a day, and in fact, the only two people who did well on the scales ate cupcakes this week. But I regurgitate.)

The big problem came at the end. This girl had the nerve to LIE to all the teams who came and begged for mercy. That’s right, they asked if she’d cut them slack, she promised she would, then when push came to shove and they actually stepped up on the scales, she screwed every. Single. One.

Why can’t people just be honest? When they asked her, why didn’t she just say, “Look, I see what you’re saying, but I didn’t eat those cupcakes so I could go home, I ate them to stay in the game. So I’m sorry, but I’ve got to go with my gut here (pun intended) and sacrifice that fatty over there.” I can respect that. But telling straight faced lies? So totally uncool.

Makes me wonder how many times she lied to herself about how many cupcakes she ate (did you see that part?).