Bad Chi

This morning I did Tai Chi. It was a 24 minute routine. I lasted the first three and a half before my chi ran into a brick wall called boredom.

Tai Chi is all about breathing. I woke up with some serious allergies going on (happy birthday to me next week, this is a new thing) and thought a little Tai Chi might clear my head. They’re big on breathing in new chi and breathing out old stagnant chi. Apparently I breathed in a little too much allergen-clad chi because three minutes into it my allergies were so bad that all that chi was clogging my thinking.

But that wasn’t the worst part, all that breathing and staring and slow motion and chiing and more breathing nearly sent me right back up to bed. If the allergens didn’t kill me, the monotony would have.ย 

It reminded me of the time one of my sisters bought one of those weight loss gimics where you sit in a chair and burn a few hundred calories by panting. I’m serious. he he whoooo he he whooooย for 40 minutes a day and you too could lose up to four pounds a year. The thing is, if Kathy Smith is boring, try breathing with a tape. Hold on I’ll try it…

Wow, what a great cat nap. Was I saying something?

The fact of the matter is this. I don’t run because I hate being alone. I don’t pant because it brings back memories of back labor. I don’t to Tai Chi because when it comes right down to it, I’m neither cultured nor cool enough to enjoy it. What do I really want to do for exercise? Paula Abdul’s 1996 Cardio Dance (which I picked up at a garage sale for a quarter. A QUARTER.) Now that, my friend, is good old-fashioned entertaining exercise.


  1. I would love to see that Paula video.

  2. Cool? For Tai Chi? You do know that the only people who do Tai Chi are the very very elderly, right?

  3. I LOVE dance aerobics! preferably late 80’s – early 90’s. I hate to admit it but the other day I was so bored of my plain old vanilla pilates dvd that I began wondering what Richard Simmons was up to nowadays.

  4. My inner zen and I are completely into the whole tai chi experience…..oh wait, no we’re not. In fact, I don’t think I even have an inner zen, nor have I ever tried tai chi. I did take a yoga class once, but I have such horrible balance that during the first class the instructor kept laughing at me. I never went back. Paula Abdul might be more my style as well….as long as the blinds are closed while I do it!

  5. I love doing moves with Paula! She’s awesome. But I am the gimmick queen, I just got rid of Tae Bo and periodically do Winsor Pilates. Anything else I can order off of TV?

  6. At Christmas you probably watch the yule log burning on TV too, don’t you? Maybe thanksgiving, if we could skype in to Thanksgiving dinner and just watch our families eat we would definitely not gain any holiday pounds,but how fun would that be? BTW I think I burn more calorie in fear of Richard Simmons, that guy scares me,

  7. Funny. You made me laugh. Thought you’d want to know.

  8. I’m cracking up. My 76 year old mom does Tai Chi. She’s half-Chinese. She does it with her 7o something year old friend. He is full Chinese. I don’t do Tai Chi. I’m a quarter-Chinese but the 1/8 Caucasian in me gave me allergies ๐Ÿ™‚ I think you have to be old and have some Chinese blood for Tai Chi to be truly effective. Otherwise, it’ s just another fad ๐Ÿ™‚

  9. I have that tape!!! SERIOUSLY! maybe I’ll break it out tomorrow morning. I’ve been really sucking at working out. and I think Chiing would put me in a coma.

  10. I think I would be too embarrassed to jam out with Paula. Although for 25 cents, I’d be willing to try.

    Yoga. The way to go. Unless you nose is all runny from allergies and a cold and then you are in downward facing dog but your nose is running upward.

  11. I can absolutely picture you doing your Paula workout and I’m really enjoying the picture. So funny!