Large and Spacious Buildings are Bad for Children

I took the kids to Costco yesterday with my girlfriend. Costco is a large and spacious building and seems to bring out the worst in my children and my grocery budget. 

By the time we made it from the parking lot to the main entrance I was almost finished. I got hot dogs for the kids (because I’m healthy like that) so they would be quiet and ride while I shopped. But would Harrison ride? No. He wanted to walk with his hot dog and drink. We bantered back and forth, I made him swear on his new sleeping bag to walk along the side of the cart (not in front where I continually run over him) and not spill. We started off. 

Of course we all know within seconds he wanted to walk in front of the cart, push the cart, ride on the bottom rack of the cart, all while eating his hot dog and sipping his pop. 

My girlfriend had to take her daughter to the bathroom. I looked at Harrison and asked, “Do you need to go peep?” He looked me point blank in the eye and said, “Nope.”

Three minutes later when she rejoined our group, what do you think I heard? “Mom! I’ve go to go peep AND poop!” How badly I wanted to use Love and Logic and say, “Oh, sorry buddy, you’ll just have to hold it for the next 45 minutes. You missed your chance.” But alas, off we went. Ten minutes, the kid took ten minutes. When will he learn to go to The Big House without taking off all his clothing?

As we finally headed back to my stranded friend and other children, I felt a serious Freak Out coming on. “Harrison,” I said, breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth in an attempt to sound casual and docile, “I really need you to stay with me and be obedient. It REALLY frustrates Mommy–”

“Mom,” he calmly interrupted me, “Remember the Book of Mormon?” This totally caught me off guard. I nodded yes. “Well, it says we’re not supposed to get frustrated.” 

What do you do when your five-year-old righteously puts you in your place? You laugh. It was the perfect tension breaker. And I used the Book of Mormon excuse on him for the rest of the chaotic afternoon. “The Book of Mormon says…” And he actually listened, go figure.


  1. Yea, but the Bible says to obey your parents. (Because they get frustrated if you don’t.)

  2. Kids say the… most righteous things. LOL Yes, we have had many “interesting” trips to places like Costco. That’s why I’m so glad my kids are all in school & I’m still not working outside the home so that I can go to Costco sans children at noon on a weekday. It’s marvelous. (Just trying to give you hope for the future…)

  3. HAHA that’s awesome, I’m totally trying that on my kids.

  4. Costco always seems to be the place for breakdowns, even though there are snacks everywhere for the kids!
    I’m glad to see someone else calls “pee” “peep.” My husband continually tells me that I am going to ruin my son by calling it “peep.”

  5. Heather Tintle says:

    hahah….that was funny

  6. Costco is built to facilitate child breakdowns! The bathroom is way up in the corner in the most remote corner, all the candy, the HUGE pictures of ice cream and hot dogs. I know, I have a love/hate relationship with Costco (don’t tell my husband)! But the always have great strawberries.

  7. Whenever we’re in a store I tell my kids, “I don’t want to hit you with this cart, but I will if I have to.” Is that in the Book of Mormon somewhere? But maybe more like, “Thou shall threaten thy children with shopping cart abuse, but only in Costco or Walmart or maybe the grocery store, and sometimes at ShopKo, thus saith the Lord.”

  8. Ok, was the comment total blasphemy? Your blog might now be struck by lightening, because I’M GONE.

  9. I don’t know what you are doing wrong because my children are a joy to bring shopping. They sit in the cart, never ask for anything, never need to use the restroom, never fuss or complain even after countless trips down the same aisle.
    Oh wait…no they don’t, I was just dreaming. Without them what would we blog about?

  10. Well, we “peep” at our house too!

    Don’t kids say great things?! My (autistic) Joshua is on a new NO-sugar/wheat/everything-he-usually-eats diet (we’re trying a holistic approach…?). He came home from Scouts almost in tears, telling me that there were cupcakes w/frosting for treat.

    I felt horrible! I hadn’t thought to send a treat for him! (it’s our 1st week, lame excuse) He told me that he hadn’t eaten any. I praised him loudly & physically, & told him how brave he was. He didn’t think he was brave, just not eating what I told him he now can’t have. (sometimes autism is GREAT, like how he’s very LITERAL about some things!) 8^)

    On our immediate trip to the dollar store for sugar-free candy, he said, “You know Mom? I think the Holy Ghost helped me.” Yes, baby, yes he did! Isn’t that nice of Heavenly Father to help you out like that? “Yeah.” (a few seconds of silence…) “Can I thank Heavenly Father for the Gospel?” YES, Darling Boy, He’d love that. Joshua bows his head & says a silent prayer right there in the van.

    And a tearful & grateful mommy did too.*

    *(well, I didn’t bow my head since I was driving…) 8^)

  11. I’m so anti-Costco! Last time I went there with my dad, he took off “for a few minutes” to look at something and it was 30 minutes before I found him again! That store is worse than a maze:)

  12. K–You are SO my new favorite blogger…I have you on my google reader and laugh EVERYTIME at your posts! 🙂

    I need to come over and comment more…seriously though…you are awesome!

  13. I’m just not brave enough to take my kids into Costco yet. Taking them to Walmart is already enough to make me publicly demonstrate weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth. I’m amazed at your courage!!! (BTW, I’ve been lurking in your blog for awhile & really enjoy it!)

  14. ha ha ha. So cute!

  15. Harrison is my favorite! Not my favorite nephew (they’re all my favorite), but my favorite blonde 5 year old. He’s 5 right? Oh and also, while he was here last weekend, he was watching TV and a princess doll commercial came on and he said, “Eeeeew! Princesses!! Gross, I think princesses are duuuuummbb! I want to see cars and GI Joe’s and boy stuff!” I loved it.

  16. Lastly, I say “peeps”… as in when I’m with my friends its, “Guys, I have to go peeps.” And they all just look at me like, well you better go before I barf on you for calling it “peeps”.

  17. So funny! I can’t say I miss those days but I love how your son neutralized the on-coming freak out by quoting the Book of Mormon. That’s just precious 🙂 He’s going to be a heck of a missionary someday.

  18. Bwahahahah! I’m remembering that line for future use!