No Embarazada

It’s amazing the things they put in Spanish these days. Take pregnancy tests, for example. Just in case you don’t feel bad enough in English, they double up and write it in Spanish as well,  just to be sure you get the message.

“You’re not pregnant! Stop peeing on us! Not not not! NO EMBARAZADA!”

I guess I should be grateful for the opportunity to add one more Spanish word to the four I already know. I can’t name those words at this moment because I have to hear them in order to remember that I know them.

But I have the feeling over the next few months, I’ll get to know this one really well. What is it with pregnancy tests? Even though I know I’m not pregnant, have no signs whatsoever, when there’s a pregnancy test hanging around the bathroom I fight the urge to pee on it until finally, in a moment of stupidity and weakness, I rip open that six dollar magnet, let her go, only to be told, “No embarazada!”

The biggest problem with infertility is the waiting game. Don’t get me wrong, my waiting is chock full of diapers and laundry and more chicken nuggest than I’ll ever admit to, but I think it’s more about the not knowing. If someone would just tell me, “You’ll conceieve sometime in July so stop freaking out,” I would breath a sigh of relief and go back to the dishes.

But that isn’t going to happen. Since I never have any signs of not being pregnant (if you get my drift), how am I supposed to help thinking all the time that I am pregnant? Would someone restrict me from purchasing pregnancy tests until further notice? Like morning sickness notice?

ps – Yes, I know you can get PGT’s at the dollar store. But they’re not the five day early ones and I can’t stand that.


  1. I totally get that. After my son was born, I was taking pregnancy tests all the time! I KNEW I wasn’t pregnant but I just had to KNOW! Stupid pregnancy tests…

    (By the way, I almost didn’t comment because I didn’t want to be the very first one…is that weird?)

  2. I totally know what your saying..i bought 20 in oct and have 3 left. I must tell you I know where you can get them for 79 cents a piece and they are really good ones….I can tell if i am pregnant within 3 1/2 to 4 weeks along…and they are cheap and always work..i mean they tell me i am not pregnant every time LOL

  3. Even worse is the fact that pregnant is Spanish sounds like ’embarrassing.’ It’s a cruel trick.
    But it’s slightly funny if you’re in ninth grade and the guy in your class doesn’t know the word for embarrassing so he thinks he makes one up…and it’s pregant:)

  4. Always a silver lining.

  5. I think your compulsion to pee on a pregnancy stick just because it’s there is funny and endearing.

    Sorry about the fertility issues. I have a couple of friends going through that and my heart aches for them because the waiting game is no fun.

  6. annie valentine says:

    Um, Kristina? WHAT SILVER LINING? Those things are freaking expensive.

  7. I am laughing at Barbaloots comment because I thought the same thing. Before I got pregnant with my last baby I think I purchased a dozen of those things before it was confirmed in the positive. Don’t you think they should use phrases like “keep trying, wink wink” if it’s in the negative, or “mission accomplished” if it’s in the positive. I guess those would work if you wanted to get pregnant, probably not so well if you didn’t want to be.

  8. Next time you feel the urge to pee on a stick with no undeniable proof, just call me. You know I’m always brutally honest – I’m sure I can find a way to talk you out of it.

    Or, just keep calling me AFTER you’ve peed, and I’ll point and laugh. Maybe that would be a better deterent? (Always willing to do my sisterly duty).

  9. I don’t know that I’d trust one from the dollar store anyway–I’d end up using six or seven just to be sure.

    I hope you get a positive one soon. I haven’t dealt with infertility. The year I waited to get pregnant the last time felt like an eternity. (I know, poor, poor me, right?) I would have lost my mind if it had taken longer. I respect anyone who’s dealt with infertility. I can’t imagine the burden.

  10. Waiting to get pregnant stinks. I am on my 5th monthly trying, arrrggghhh! For the last 3 months I have had a pregnancy test in my cupboard, just waiting for a moment to use it. Yesterday I was cleaning out that cupboard and grabbed the box…..hmmm… was empty! Somewhere along the way I actually used it and didn’t even remember or throw away the empty box. I guess I wasn’t waiting as well as I thought. Ditto-totally- on having to pee on that stick!

  11. I thought I was the only one! I am a closet pregnancy test pee-er on-er.

  12. You crack me up! Way to have a sense of humor about a sensitive subject! Sorry that it said “embarazada” though. I know that it stinks to WANT to get preggo. Even though I was probably TOO fertile when I had my kiddos (I’m sorry but when you have 4 kids within 5 years while ON birth control / using condoms I call that a fertility problem in itself. There are all kinds of different definitions of fertility “problem” after all.) I desperately wish that I was able to get pregnant now though. My tubes are tied, I never even ovulate b/c of my PCOS, AND I’m on birth control to try to regulate my cycle and for some crazy reason I STILL on occasion get a wave of nausea or exhaustion and let myself temporarily get my hopes up that Heavenly Father decided to let me get pregnant despite all those “obstacles”. So, how dilussional am I?

  13. OH MY GOSH! This is so funny! I thought I was the only one that did this when we were trying for our baby. I think we spent $50/week easily for a while and THEN we kept wanting to take them just for the nostalgia factor after we were pregnant for sure. And by us, I mean me, because I don’t think my husband ever peed on one that I know of.

  14. You can buy the really nice ones at Costco and they work out to be about $2 a stick….not that I would know that or anything.

    I hear you on the fertility issues…been trying to make Connor a brother or sister for 18 months now. Military won’t pay for ‘unimportant’ issues and we don’t have the money sooooo pee sticks and TCOYF is the way we roll. U?

  15. i am currently battling this exact issue in my head at length. there is a box of pg tests in my cupboard and i am trying sooo hard to forget them. am i late? depends on how you define “late.” do i feel pregnant? i’ve never been, so how would i know? i used to test the day i got my period, because apparently a period isn’t “not pregnant” enough and i need it spelled out for me. duh.

  16. I used to buy the dollar ones in bulk. I was like an earlier poster I got pregnant by just thinking it. and now we have four kids. But now I have IUD and living in New Zealand, they are not cheap. But every month, especially when I get way to emotional, I think could I be? But now that my youngest is now potty trained, and I don’t want to be, I keep on expecting it to happen.

  17. The not knowing is the worst thing, I agree. Any thing that I have to wait for just sucks in my opinion. I have waited for 3 different adoptions. The first child 4 years after filling out papers plus 3 years of marriage so total 7, second child 2 years, third child 2 days. So I have had all the extremes.

    I think infertility is a creul trick because you have this God given desire to have kids, and then no way to make it happen.

    But I have to say that I still say I don’t know which is the bigger trial, infertility or parenthood.

    And I am sure people who have never even gotten married, look at those of us who are complaining about not having kids and think quit your belly aching.

    But infertility is a real loss and something worth greiving over, so if peeing on a stick helps ease the grief, then I say go for it.

  18. annie valentine says:

    natalie! I’ve missed you!

  19. Ooo, beware of cheapo PGTs from the dollar store. They tend to tell you you’re not pregnant when you are. Or maybe that’s just me.

  20. To funny! I remember those days. They are over unless I can find a pre-pregnancy test that shows PINK!

  21. What is it with the urge to pee on a stick? I get it to and I’m pretty darn sure I’m not pregnant.

    You crack me up!

  22. Ah, when you feel the need to pee on something –you could take the dog for a walk and take turns. Hope you get prego —I am sorry you have fertility issues. I can’t relate, but doesn’t mean I am not crossing my fingers for you . I had 5 kids and got pregnant on EVERYTHING, the pill, the IUD (we didn’t have pregnancy tests that I know of then) I’d just tell husband at the time DON’T EVEN LOOK AT ME.

  23. Phew, I thought I was the only one who thought the pregnancy test was there to tempt me. I can’t even buy them until I’m sure I missed a period. I don’t even like taking them or being pregnant. But I girls got to know. Right?

  24. Oh man, I love reading what others have to say about your entries. It’s amazing how we are all truly so similar. My dad always used to tell me, “if you were to put everyone in one room and force everyone to confess everything, you’d find there was a lack of originality.”

    Oh, and I too do that pee on a pregnancy test stick thing. I just didn’t know everyone else did too. Yeah!!…good times!!

  25. annie valentine says:

    Rachel, that is probably the best quote I’ve heard anywhere on the blogosphere.

  26. I have found that for the infertile, buying pregnancy tests is akin to gouging yourself in the eye with a hot poker. You know it is going to hurt, but you do it anyway. It’s a sickness and there should be a pill for it.

  27. I’ve only bought 2 pregnancy tests in my lifetime. both times they worked. I’m scared to buy anymore.

  28. Annie,
    You’ll conceieve sometime in July so stop freaking out.

    Now you can get back to your dishes..


  29. annie valentine says:

    April – I have been waiting for someone to take the bait. Thanks, I feel way better.

  30. Glad I could help! 😉

  31. Now all the comments are making me curious about taking a pregnancy test. Even though I can 200% guarantee mine would be negative:)

  32. It’ll happen. Make sure you stand on your head twice a day and you’ll do fine.

    Pregnancy is a joy but say goodbye to your size 2 sweet thing!

  33. LOL (even thought I know you hate lol and I hate lol too but I just keep lol-ing).

    This was a hee heelarious post. Hope you get pregnant in Spanish soon.

  34. I’ve been trying for 5 months now too so I TOTALLY getcha! I LOVE April’s comment. I need someone to tell me that too.

  35. AMEN! It’s a little bit frustrating, isn’t it? If you need to talk… let’s do lunch, because I’m always up for it! It’ll happen for both of us, I know it will!! Hang in there!