Life Sucking Leeches

Apparently, despite my non-Facebook friendly post, the entire Facebook planet wants to know 25 random things about me. I’m having a hard time believing it. Why would someone want to waste three minutes of their time reading about my life? Oh wait. Forget I said that.

It’s February. The world around is dead and still dying, and my children are not exempt from this. In order to survive, they are sucking all the light and life and marrow and humor and sunshine I have selfishly accumulated and stored inside me over the past eleven months.

In order to ensure that they survive until spring, I have decided to vacate the premises and get out of Dodge. That’s right, I’m going to Elma. Because life is so much better there.

What could they possibly be doing, you ask, that would warrant such an extreme action? June cries and pinches and hangs on my legs/arms/bathrobe (which I seem to wear more and more often these days) all the time. In her defense, she is cutting three molars. Molars are terrible things and I don’t know why they were even invented. She needs some ibuprofen (although it won’t cure sassiness).

Rex refuses to wear any of the fourteen pairs of undies I bought him and instead has an affinity for boxer-briefs. We own two pair. That means I have to be sure to incorporate one of the two into every single load of laundry. Then fish them out. Oh yeah, having him potty trained is way less work.

Harrison is so bored and whiney and (June is screaming her head off as I write this because I refuse to hold her) cooped up he’s ready to run away and join a multi-level marketing scheme. I don’t know what to do with (now I’m holding her and she’s yelling at me for letting her cry) him.

I leave tomorrow morning. Hallelujah.

And in case you were wondering, Jason is stepping in as Mr. Mom until Sunday. This will be so good for him.

*This post is dedicated to my friend Kiren, who is dealing with her own set of life sucking leeches.


  1. Good luck to your husband:)

  2. I’m jealous! I want to run away too!! Someplace sunny and warm. I tell my husband all the time that kids are the biggest scam going. They take all your money and food and pull you in with those little moments of cuteness (which you are not noticing right now for obvious reasons; the separation may help- until you get back). Anyway, have fun.

  3. Have a great mini vacation!

  4. have fun! ok, seriously. I am aiming high, but really want to take my kids to Washington towards the end of this summer, and if you ever have it on the agenda again – I would love to be near Greys Harbor when you are in town with Jenny there. We would HAVE to do lunch somewhere, in our root-ville. I haven’t been to Montesano since my dad died, lets see, 7 years ago! way too long. have a fabulous time!

  5. HINT: My boys won’t touch anything called “undies.” Maybe you can just change your wording a bit and you might get him to wear his underwear!!! 🙂

  6. Enjoy yourself! When you get back, you’ll be ready to have the sweet little leeches hanging on you again.

  7. Yeah February DOES suck the life out of everybody and everyone. (Doesn’t March do the same thing?) Vacations are good. Have fun and enjoy yourself! (And maybe stay until March is over).

  8. Okay, this may be totally unsympathetic, but in Rex’s defense: is there anything in the world cuter than a tiny little bum in boxers? Totally makes my day to see that in my house (too bad my son is seventeen…)

    Okay – that was a joke. He’s Five. And hardly ever flashes the boxers. But still, you gotta admit, it’s adorable.

  9. Good for you girl! I am a firm believer of mommy weekends and girls night outs. I wish I could run away this week, but to bad so sad for me, I am on my own and will have no break from Winey Winerson, Snotty Snotman and Coughy Coughs-a-Lot! Ten days of utter hell. I don’t know how you go months at a time.

  10. I’m not sure when everyone is doing the 25 random things tag either. Okay, I did it, but everyone knows I’m a sucker for tags.

    Can I come? I need to escape some of my own problems too… I’m about at the end of my rope.

  11. 25 things isn’t that bad. I did mine early (very early) this morning.

  12. You go, girl! And you have fun. And your recover your spirits there.

    How is your mom anyway? We’re making her a magic quilt you know.

    GREAT writing, as always.

    LY! Have a great trip.

  13. Oh and I agree about the 25 things! PSHAW!

    Can I complain about your comment box for a sec. I just scolded by it and told that I was posting comments too quickly. It acutally told me to slow down.


  14. Can I hitch a ride???? I am thinking that I need a getaway and I can’t think of anywhere to go… Let me know when we leave.

  15. you get to escape, man are you the lucky one. I am wishing I was you. Though I have never heard of Elma and it sounds kinda boring. Maybe you should enlighten me. I say go to Hawaii or somewhere super fun. Elma, really Elma. What a strange name for a place.

  16. OH Man! Lucky you! I can’t wait to go to Vegas next week, I soooo need it! Although my life sucking leeches are coming with, it will still be a good thing! 🙂

    Have an amazing time! 🙂

  17. I would like a Mr. Mom. Where do I get one of those?

    Enjoy your trip!!!

  18. YOU GO GIRL – seriously GO. Where is Elma, what is Elma?? Are you going in your bathrobe?? Do you have a traveling bathrobe?? Would you like me to send Rex some boxer briefs?? Have fun –seriously FUN

  19. annie valentine says:

    Elma is my hometown in Washington. Very small, filled with people I love. I’m going for the weekend to see my mom and sisters, and celebrate my daddy’s 75th birthday.

  20. Hey I have the same problem with Facebook…I can’t even think of 5 random things about me…so NAH…I’m not doing it! 😉

    Have fun on your vacay!

  21. All I have to say is we’re going out to eat tomorrow with Mom, and we don’t get to go to a buffet. Totally bummed.

  22. I keep thinking I want to have more kids, then my toddler has a whiny day and I remember why I keep putting it off.

  23. Yeah, and I don’t know why boxer briefs are also completely impossible to find in whatever size your boy happens to be in at the time.
    Wait till he gets baptized and you have to find a WHITE pair- yes- completely white, and completely boxer briefs. Thank you web undies, except I think I already thanked you enough by paying $15 for a package of 2!

  24. And then you’re coming to my housse on monday. Right?

  25. Yaaaaaay!! Welcome to WA. I’ll wave a big hello all the way up from Olympia. Enjoy your self. I wish I could go to UT and see my sweet sister in American Fork. Flying or driving?

  26. Just for fun you should take the 2 pair of boxer briefs with you. Your hubby will appreciate you that much more when you get home!

  27. Amen! We just got back into town after leaving the kids for the weekend, and after only two days, I already need a break. They’ve been so clingy and whiny, it’s driving me CRAZY!!!
    So, yesterday, I MADE them all go out and play. It’s 40, it’s not THAT cold.

  28. Enjoy yourself and have fun you deserve it.

  29. Have fun!! Take care of yourself and your mom!