“I Have Four Nipples.”

So I was driving home tonight listening to Coast to Coast. In case you’ve never been on a lonely road in the wee small hours of the morning with  nothing but talk radio to keep you company, let me explain.

Coast to Coast is a show where old men talk about UFO’s, ghosts, sasquaches, and other odd cultural phenomenons. It’s a very serious, very proper show, with very serious, very proper discussions.

Until now.

So the host and his guest, two men in their sixties, are discussing life after death experiences and decide to go to the phone lines.

“You’re on the air,” they say.

“Hi,” this woman says, “I just wanted to call in because I have an extra set of nipples.”

Whoa. Did she just say what I think she said? I crank the volume.

“Oh! Well, that’s…very unusual,” says Host One.

“Yes, very unusual indeed, I don’t know that I’ve ever heard of anyone having more than three nipples!” says Host Two.

“Well,” she says, “They’re small. Kind of like baby nipples.”


“Really? Have you ever had them looked at by a doctor?” Host One.

“Yes, I’m sure a doctor would find that very interesting. You know, some mamals have as many as twelve nipples.” Host Two.

“No, not that I can remember,” she says. “They’re not that noticable. They’re only about a centimeter across.”


“Well, you should have someone look at those,” Host One.

Now, I don’t know about you, but I don’t think he was suggesting what she thought he was suggesting.

“Well, I can have my brother take a photo with his digital camera and I’ll send it to you, if you want.”

Right. Your brother. With his camera. Kill me now.

“Oh! Yes! That would be very interesting!”

“Very interesting indeed!”

I guess it just goes to show that no matter how old and distinguished and proper a gentleman is, he’s still a man. And what man doesn’t want to meet a woman with four nipples?


  1. Wow. Racy alien shows. They’ll get the pic and she’ll turn out to be a possum.

  2. I bet she would come in handy if you have baby quadruplets.

  3. annie valentine says:

    Camille, I bet you’ve been waiting to leave me that comment, haven’t you?

  4. Couldn’t use my pimple comment again.

  5. My nephew has 4 nipples….we call him quadripulous nippulous. True story. (But we took pictures of them….we have our limits.)

  6. OK – so I’m worried –what were you doing on a lonely road in the wee hours of the morning. —If you need to talk (call me)
    4 nipples eh——–at least they didnt’ bring up the vajay-jay.

  7. Oh, boy.

    That reminds if an Indian-nippleless 500 joke. But I’ll spare you.

  8. Annie, I haven’t read your blog for awhile, but I’m so glad I did today. Not only was the post hilareous, but your commentors are truely nuts. Nipple Nuts. And I don’t THINK I mean that the way it sounds???

  9. Um, yuk!

  10. hahaha. That’s funny! I used to take long car trips by myself and talk radio truly is interesting sometimes.

  11. Man, I’m sorry to have missed this one! That talk show is hilarious!

  12. Um—this is completely off topic but guess what my friend told me?! The reason Filipe and Jillien got in a monster fight (which led to me thinking Filipe is a big baby) is cuz Jillien REQUIRED her team to drink coffee before workouts. Filipe wouldn’t do it cuz of his religion, she said she was his god while he was there, he poured out the coffee and said, “This is what I think of your religion.” So she didn’t work him out. Are you kidding me?!
    I guess she later apologized, which is cool—but still. I feel a little bad now about calling Filipe a big baby.
    But I’m ticked Sione went home cuz he was totally my favorite.

  13. Laughing, really laughing!!

  14. Michelle says:

    O.K. those two men hosting the show- I’m pretty SURE they live here in Roswell.

    And if I’ve seen them at Walmart, they are really, really fat men with unkempt beards full of chewing tobacco, and tattoos that you can’t even tell what they are- or were. And that caller… she’s probably a cousin to one of them.

    Classy Roswaliens.

  15. willisloh says:

    4 nipple is what i have 2 are normal and 2 are a bit small then usual. i was born with 4 nipples istead of 2 normal as most people have. but do not know how this happen anyone have more info please advice..ty

  16. Hi Annie, I almost had to make a quick dash to the ladies room with this post. hahaha My sister is a mammogram radiologist tech and there are more than just women with extra teats. We actually just snip them off and sell the goat or sheep if the genetics seem to turn from line-breeding to inbreeding. Human stuff to farm stuff. Yeah, the blessing happens, but the baby animals get confused. lymi