Please, let them grow up before I kill them…

A friend of mine lost her daughter to high school graduation last week. We were visiting the other day and she spoke longingly of the days when her kids were little and into everything.

It’s a good thing we’re friends so I can remind her that she doesn’t want small children again, she’s only experiencing temporary insanity. Her youngest is eleven and all her kids can use the bathroom, make their beds, and feed themselves without bibs or choking hazards.

I guarantee, one week with three little kids and she would gladly trade them in for a nice book and a bottle of ibuprofen. Don’t get me wrong, it can be fun. They call that grand kids.

Speaking of feeding themselves, when is it the June bug will stop dumping the little glass of water she insists on having all over whatever food she’s eating? And how do I keep her off the counters? She’s worse than a cat, running for the butter and dish soap every chance she gets. Too big for the high chair, too naughty for the bar stools.

Hear me now, Oh World, I will not miss this.


  1. Who are you kidding…you will miss it, Annie. 🙂 You’ll be the mom telling all the younger mom’s at your son’s graduation how you miss having little children around.

  2. AMEN!!

  3. Come on, you’ll miss it! At least when they’re little, they’re crying to you and when they get older they scream at you!

    Plus, when their around your ankles all day, at least you know where they are, what they’re doing, and who they’re talking to!

    Plus, nothing is more intoxicating than kissing soft baby cheeks. It’s the cure all.

  4. Oh…’ll miss it! You just won’t want a do over! True story!

  5. I’m with you. I’m in the golden years of parenting–they’re old enough to hold a conversation and take care of themselves and not too old to be arrogant teenagers. It rocks. Yes, yes, it does.

  6. You willnot miss it, trust me, you will not! Life after children is AWESOME!!! Now if I can just get the last two to leave the nest……..

  7. Michelle says:

    Let’s face it, 90% of this stage of life is pure drudgery. It’s only that cute 10% you’ll miss… somehow that 10% is all your friend can remember right now.
    And I can only concentrate on that 90% right now…(it screams the loudest)

  8. nope, won’t miss it either. too naughty for the barstools? I HEAR ya sistah! I heard a spoon scraping something a few days ago, lo and behold, William was sitting comfortably on the island, helping himself to yogurt leftover by a sibling. nice. He also dumped water onto himself while standing on a barstool and promptly slipped to the floor with a nice thud.

  9. The baby has ruined several shirts due to his intense love of all things squirt bottle )including the clorox clean up). Sigh.

  10. And you want another one?

  11. You’re killing me Smalls!

    Very funny and believable. We always wanted to kill our kids and just tell God they died.

  12. Oh man, I will not miss it. I’m totally with you on that one! Besides I plan on enjoying my kids at each stage they are, how can I have a good relationship with them if I just want them to be babies again? I’d rather them grow up so we can actually be friends instead of me yelling at them all the time, and then they can give me sweet sweet grandbabies! YES!

  13. I’d love to compare notes with you in a few years . . . . I could tell you stories about my teenagers that would make your toenails curl!!! I think my husband had it right when he said we should have boxed them up at 13, cut a few airholes in the box and let them out when they turn 20!

  14. You will miss it more than you realize, just remember that darling poem you wrote about Harrison when he left his handprints on your refrigerator, or whatever it was!

  15. Annie! Help me!!! My daughter won’t go to bed. She climbs out of the crib, so we (stupidly) put her in a bed. She will sleep eventually right? Just because it is midnight right now and she is awake? I hate sleep training.

  16. Go back to the crib if you can, but this method works both ways.
    The method is this:

    Sit next to her crib/bed, facing away from her. Every time she tries to climb out or get off, gently but firmly lay her back down. Do not make eye contact, do not say a word. All you are is a pair of arms to put her in her place.

    It took my girlfriend an hour and a half. It took me 50 minutes with Rex. I’m warning you, it feels like five hours and is frustrating and exhausting. But in the end, you will have a child who is completely bed trained. The second night (or nap), the time will be cut in half. By the third, you won’t have a problem.

    It worked so well with Rex that at nearly four, he still won’t get off his bed unless I come and get him. But you gotta do the time.Buck up, my friend. You’ll be so glad.


  17. I haven’t decided if I’ll miss it. Right now, I’m just grateful to be surviving it!