I hate big boobs

Sorry, sweetheart, but the girls have got to go.

Let me tell you, I’m not sure if it’s been my impressive weight gain or my impressive pregnant hormones, but the girls are literally getting bigger every day. At first I was all, “Woo-hoo! Go bigger bra size!” Now? Not loving my ginormous enhancement.

It’s funny, because when I was in high school and even beyond, I envied my well endowed sisters. Like the inability to go running was some sign of True Womanhood? Like having a large chest makes you feel more qualified to handle life in general? Let me tell you, as of this week I have realized something: it doesn’t. Back pain? Yes. Eternal wisdom? No.

I’ve realized that big boobs make me feel fat (along with my gradually growing gut). Between all these massive mounds I’m now sporting, I feel like a walking mountain range, not a glowing statue of fertility. If fertility means I can no longer button a single jacket, then I’m not one bit sad about giving it up after this baby. (Not that I’m dogging fertility, Heaven knows how many years I’ve spent running after that train. First Class is never as good as you think it is, by the way.)

And so, much to my husband’s total heartbreak, when the time comes for me to have my tummy professionally tucked (oh, do not doubt that I shall, I shall), I think I’ll leave the rest of my goods alone. I am missing my barely there B cup. Sure, when my nursing days are said and done I’ll be left with nothing more than a ghost of these blazing glory days, but frankly, it’s a nice, manageable little ghost.


  1. Maybe you can give yours to Heidi Montag.

  2. Okay, this is my first foray into your blog and what a way to be introduced. I probably should have commented on your son’s baseball post, but as this was the first one, I thought I better start here. Now, as a married father of two I will say this, I liked very much my pregnant wife.

  3. Yeah, until those ghosts are hanging out with your belly button. Then coach class sucks just as much as you thought it would. There’s got to be a middle ground, right?

  4. Big boobs aren’t all they’re purported to be. I’m not sad at all to have dropped a full cup size after each child. Much more manageable then when I was a teenager.

  5. I do love my girls – although I a hint of depression did hit when I went up a cup size recently – but if you are not used to having the girls around, it can be scary! At least you will lose them when you are done nursing, mine never went away!

  6. I hate big boobs too. I have been cursed with them, I can’t get under a C (and being a C means being super skinny…hasn’t happened in a while). I feel like I’m going to suffocate my children while nursing.
    I’m glad to hear someone say they don’t like big ones. People always say, “You’re lucky. blah blah blah.” You can always make them look bigger, but you can’t make them look smaller (without tons of binding and pain!).

  7. Welcome to my NightMare ANnie! Thanks for calling me FAT! 🙂

  8. Hey I totally was going to blog about this sometime soon! I was just telling my sister that I know I would never want a boob job because my milk just came in and my boobs are HUGE and I absolutely hate it! My clothes fit weird(er) and they’re annoying and I don’t enjoy it at all! I love my small boobs.

  9. I’ll take ’em! LOL. Alright maybe you’re making my feel better about my not-so-well-endowedness. Maybe I just need to remember that my back doesn’t hurt and I can run. 🙂

  10. I’ve never been jealous of the girls who were “well endowed.” It’s so nice to be able to wear t-shirts without them stretching unnaturally across the chest, and be able to work-out in just one sports bra instead of two.

  11. Who needs boobs anyway?? They are so over-rated. Mine tried to kill me, soooooo…im just sayin =)

  12. Mrs. Organic nailed it. It’s one thing to have medium sized girls, until they are smitten with wanderlust and take off on a grand tour of all parts south. Then I have to go looking for them, roll ’em up, and clothespin them into my lingerie, which, can I just say, is not nearly as comfortable as it sounds?

    I think you’re looking cute. You should post your pic from your last TV appearance. That yellow sweater was adorable, and you just looked…well, like that ‘glowing statue of fertility’. You only get a few months of this in an entire lifetime. Believe it or not, the day comes when you look back on this time with fondness.

    Big honkin’ boobs and all.

  13. Why is it that you luckies who got ’em hate ’em, and we teeny tiny little boy boobed gals want ’em?
    I used to have lovely volumptuous breasts (a C cup) in high school. Then I had babies. Now I’m barely an A, many thanks to nursing, age and gravity.

    I’ll be honest, I wouldn’t mind restoring mine to their pre-baby-19-year-old condition. A tummy take, I could do without, but believe me, the girls are getting a lift sooner or later.

  14. If the position for President of the Flat-Chested Pride is awarded to the flattest of chesties, hand over the crown, ladies. The only back pain I’ll ever experience in my life is from carrying around a 50-lb child on one hip and a 30-lb toddler on the other. Enjoy the curves! And I’ll just live vicariously through you. 🙂

  15. Do your “girls” hang low, do they wobble to and fro, can you tie them in a knot, can you tie them in a bow? Can you throw them over your shoulder like a continental soldier? You get the point.

    With my last baby (#5) I went to the nursing bra store and asked for a D size. The lady (with her own perky set) said, “Umm, okay, maybe I will bring you a DD and an E to try on just in case.”

    NO JOKE.

    I wanted to cry. And not in a good way.

    We call the “girls” “Chestes” at my house. Started with my first not knowing what to call them. I have never liked mine. They have always been a C until babies. After the first 3 children they shrunk. With #4 and #5 they got bigger. So watch out Annie. You might be in trouble.

  16. My Internet blocker just blocked your site!!!! Ha! Ha! too funny! At least I know it is doing it’s job . . . . . 🙂

  17. You know where I stand on this issue.

  18. Kiersten says:

    I have never known what that’s like… so I guess I can’t comment 🙂

  19. Talk to me when your girls are wearing a size G.

    Yes they make them that big. My girls are contrary and rather than shrinking post nursing– they grow.

    I hate my girls sometimes.

  20. Amen. That is all.