The Big Slip

Oh gosh, kill me know. I did not say that. Tell me I didn’t say that. Tell me I don’t have to find a new pediatrician because I just made the biggest Freudian Slip the universe has ever heard. 

So I had to take Junie to the doctor today (you need to know that writing this is killing me right now, KILL-ING ME). My pediatrician has a student doc shadowing him this week so the office was full of nice, soft-spoken, clean-minded men.

Then I walked in. 

As the doctor looked in June’s ears and eyes and throat, I rattled on about Jason’s extended inconvenient absence. Now, I don’t know if you’re like me, but my mind tends to shift topics rather abruptly. The shifts from one topic to the other don’t always go over so smoothly. This was one of those bumpy, rocky, boulder crushing down on my head shifts. 

As I talked on about Jason, I suddenly remembered that I wanted to ask the doctor about weaning the baby to whole milk. This should have been a simple, straightforward conversation shift. It was straightforward, all right, but I think they both missed the shift. 

Prattling on about how lonely I am I suddenly blurted out, “I really want to wean her,” only it SOUNDED like, “I really wanna weiner”. Dead. Silence. The doctor actually paused mid ear stride as the magnitude of what I’d just said crashed down around my stupid blonde head. Trap door, anyone? Earthquake? Where is a stupid hurricane when you need one?

The silence was unbearable as I fumbled around with follow-up phrases like, “My boobs just can’t take this anymore,” and “I’m just not getting any sleep at night”. 

As I left the office I kept periodically putting my sweatshirt over my head so people wouldn’t look at me and know what I’d just said. I’m trying to use the whole, “Jesus Loves Me Even When I Say Really Stupid Things” trick but so far it hasn’t kicked in. 

I can never go back there. Never. Ever.


  1. Oh ow.

    Ow ow ow.

    The wound to your pride is spilling over and hurting -mine- now.


    Yeah, I totally wouldn’t go back either.

  2. p.s. It only hurts because I can soooo picture saying something like that – so sorry!

  3. You’ve got to be kidding me! LOL

  4. I am almost done laughing. Just a minute. Seriously, I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time. I do things like that all that time. I can so see you saying that. You probably handled it way better than I would have. Annie, this is REALLY funny.

  5. YIKES! Thanks for sharing, laughing at people who make fools out of themselves really makes me feel better about myself.

  6. Oh you poor, poor thing! I can totally empathize! There are lots of pediatricians in this world. Good luck!

  7. LOL

  8. So funny! 😀

  9. Following up with boob talk, probably didn’t exactly clarify the situation 🙂
    I thought I had a bad day but you win…hands or whatever body parts down.

  10. Ooooooh, baby. I’m crying on the inside. The others may laugh, and you must be, too, otherwise you wouldn’t share this kind of personal humiliation on the world wide web (That’s the WORLD wide web), but I am not. This is just too real.

  11. I swear, your stuff is so good that it COULDN’T be made up!!! If only you could send this in to Reader’s Digest & make some $$ to help heal your wounded pride…

    Here’s mine: the other night, my backyard neighbor (the Primary Prez – I’m her 2nd C) called to borrow a egg. As I was tromping out in the dark to the back fence to hand it over (cuz walking around the corner is too far), I ran SMACK into the seat of our big ol’ wooden picnic table. It really made a loud, horrible sound, as did I. My friend calls, “Are you OK???” & I reply, “Oh, Shhh-IN!” Cuz my shin really hurt!
    As it came out of my mouth, I realized what it *almost* sounded like, so I immediately clarified, “My poor shin!”
    My friend is now dying of laughter, & said she had been taken aback for a moment at my exclamation, but it didn’t turn out to be what she’d expected. Darn. That’s the quick way out of a calling! 8^)
    And BTW, “oh shin!” has become my new favorite expression. I’m thinking of copyrighting it… but you may use it at your pleasure!


  12. Bwaaah-ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!

    Chortle chortle snort.

    Ok. I’m ok. I can’t believe…

    Bwaaaaah-ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!

    Seriously! That made my day. I am so glad there is someone else out there that has these major Freudian slips.

  13. That was awesome!!!!!! You’re my hero!!!!!!!

  14. Oh Annie. Wow, thanks for the laugh!

  15. Miss subliminal…..we all knew what you really meant…..I think.

  16. OMG!!!!! I’m one of those people who get sympathetic pains, and I am so in pain for your right now, except I’m laughing so hard!!!!!! And at the same time covering my face!

    Kimberly is right. Ow! Ow! Ow! Indeed!

  17. i am full of stories like that but I just can’t tell them like you can!

  18. Wow! You brought Jason out on this one!

  19. You’re nuts. That’s all I can say. But in a good, wholesome way.

  20. At least you weren’t alone in the room with him.

  21. Annie, Oh. My. Gosh. Oh My gosh. OH MY GOSH! I’m hooked, you have me hooked to My Super Hopeless Romance blog and I can’t stop. I didn’t have time to read it until Friday at school. I was studying and studying and decided to give myself a break before I had a meeting with my mentor at 10:15. So I started reading at 10:08 and COULD NOT STOP. 10:13…10:14… I had one minute to get somewhere that took me 8 minutes to get to. At 10:14 and a half I un-suctioned my eyes from the screen and have not stopped thinking about it since. I finally finished it just now and I completely blame you for my new addiction. Um, So… did Chris kiss her or what? I HAVE to KNOW! This is awful.

  22. take heart – my hubby is a therapist and frequently has older ladies saying things like “I can’t go until he does me” and “can we go park at the church?”…

    but he does laugh uncontrollably about it later, so maybe a new doc wouldn’t be a totally bad idea 🙂

  23. Okay, so I told Mal the story on our way home last night and he couldn’t stop laughing either. I love you annie. Too too funny

  24. Oh annie I have to have some sympathy for you. But I have to admit I am laughing so hard as I read this that my eyes are watering. I am sure you did a good save and there are lots of pediatricians out there. I would not let it bug me if they could not shift gears that fast and it went int he gutter maybe you need a new pediatrician anyway.

  25. I just found your blog and have officially decided I LOVE YOU!! lol!! This whole blog is just..well… me…a mommy of 5 with a little bit of A.D.D. lol! I could totally see myself having this conversation because I bounce from topic to topic to topic…anyhow. I just wanted you to know how much I appreciated this laugh today.

  26. That was super funny, thanks for brightening my night.

  27. I am simultaneously laughing hysterically and sympathetically blushing for you.

    Just WOW!

  28. By far my favorite post. So Annie!

  29. P.S. You have to go back there. Seriously, you know they have a nickname for you now. Now you can say whatever you want in there and no one will ever be shocked again. Pediatrician offices like that are priceless.

  30. I was laughing so hard tears formed in my eyes. You have the funniest stories.


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