Jack Bauer Would Be a Great Stay-At-Home Mother

How hard would it be to choose a good song to sing on American Idol? I mean seriously, The Police? That poor gorgeous girl who sang “Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic”with her winking and frightening facial gyrations was so bad, we almost fast-forwarded through it to spare her the pain of embarrassing herself in one more household.

And then when her mother bombarded her with hugs and kisses and pats on the head, it was so painful, I kept waiting for Ryan Secrest to break into a chorus of “So You Had A Bad Day” right then and there.

I still haven’t seen the last few contestants so my jury’s still out on Tatiana. The rumor mill says she can sing, but in my book, that alone is no recipe for success. Although paired with over-the-top theatrics and complete oblivious obnoxiousness has been known to do the trick (I can personally vouch for this method).

And why can’t I be the special agent in the family? I would be way better than the idiot red-headed lady on 24. She is really starting to irritate me. So what if she held a bad man’s wife and child at gunpoint to get some information out of him? No one was hurt, they got the info and saved the president’s husband. Yay!

But for some reason, this gun toting pansy is the queen of the Ethical Crisis, little miss, “How can you live with yourself, Jack?” Hello, it works, people. I would love a job where all I did was scare people into confessions.

Actually, now that I think about it, I guess that kind of is my job. Just imagine what kind of a stay-at-homer Jack Bauer would be.

“Daddy, you won’t really make me stay home from the birthday party if I don’t clean my room, will you?”

“With all due respect, Cindy, ask around.”


  1. I really need to check out this Tatianna chick.

    And watch an episode of 24.

    (Is this the same as just saying “I’m lame”? Just curious).

  2. I’ll take from Jen:

    I’m lame.

    I watch neither American Idol, or 24. So so sad. And lame. 🙂

  3. I don’t watch AI, so I’m unable to rehash contestants with you on that like we do Biggest Loser. Bummer.
    But I can only handle one reality addiction at a time. 🙂

  4. You are so funny! I loved this post.
    (I watch both shows)
    I may have to step up my parenting interrogation skills 🙂

  5. I am a huge fan of AI!! I love to watch it like a hawk. I agree with you on the cheeseyness of the winker. I loved #1 and #3!! They’ve got my vote! I look forward to your latest entry every day. 🙂 🙂 🙂

  6. Who I really felt sorry for was the sweet 16 year old that was told to sing a young song and when she did, they panned her (even though it was awful, and I’m sure because she was too nervous) and told her that she picked the wrong song! and the jury is out on how I feel about the new judge, there is something about her that bugs me a little (or a lot), and will Paula ever speak coherently? And don’t you think they’re milking Danny Gokey’s story a little much. HELLO there are 35 other contestants out there, but he’s getting camera time 2 to 1….

  7. oh and what about contestant #1? I just wanted to grab my TV set and yell “simmer down now”. REALLY! but kudos to her for having the guts to wear that outfit, my gut would be flyin’ all over the place.
    The end……….

  8. “With all due respect, Cindy, ask around.”=awesome

    I’m totally feelin’ this whole post with one pointer finger vigorously tapping my nose and the other equally vigorously pointing at you and a whole lot of jumping up and down excitedly with some “Yes, yes, yes!”es thrown in.

  9. I’m not sure about Tatiana, she just couldn’t pull off the silly laugh this time but I think she did better than that silly girl who sung the Police song! Or the guy who sang Michael Jackson! Dummies!

  10. Oh. My. Gosh. You are so right. Jack Bauer should be a teacher too. Whip my kids right into shape.
    I’m only on episode 5. Are you trying to ruin it for me? I gotta admit, I ‘m a total sucker for a redhead. They put her in there, she’s already got points in my book.

  11. The best line of 24 ever!

    I wouldn’t mind Jack Bauer being my stay at homer.

    I agree with Camille about the chick who wore the 80s aerobic outfit, black spandex tights with big white sneakers and all. She does need to simmer down and take a seat.

  12. Sorry, My fave is still Danny Gokey!!! Go him!

    I DID fast forward her, I felt SOOOO bad..she was horrible…right along with STEVIE…poor thing.

  13. annie valentine says:

    I forgot to mention how badly the first girl (someone I was looking forward to seeing perform) bombed. Um, the 80’s called to say KEEP THE SPANDEX. She was so obnoxiously over-the-top we watched it twice just to mock her.

  14. annie valentine says:

    And I’m not loving Cara either.

  15. That is the funniest story ever—you always entertain me Little Miss Annie. Jack a Stay at Home mom —I’d like to see him at a parent/teacher meeting. Jack ..”you have 5 seconds to change my kids grade before I blow your brains all over this desk”.

    p.s. american idol -Tatiana need some serious counseling and I love Danny

  16. I voted for Danny.

  17. That’s kind of like my “When was the last time I changed my mind?” Question to my kids.
    Does that make me Jack Bauer?

  18. Hey Annie. thanks so much for the sweet post. You can write about me if you want-im like an open book-just not a very interesting one!! I hope all is well with your mom, im sorry to hear she has to go through this. I love your blog. you have such a way with words and I can always count on you for a good laugh!!

  19. Hi Annie, I’m blog stalking from Camille’s blog, and I have to tell you- this is one of my favorite recent posts! I love AI- but some performances/outfits were just painful to sit through! As for Jack- I think I’m going to have to practice my parenting questioning. Excellent idea!