To be or not to be…pregnant

There is a huge difference between wanting to be pregnant and wanting a baby.

For example. Before I had children, I wanted a baby badly. We’re talking, sell my soul and trade in my husband badly. It is possibly one of the most incurable itches a woman can get, this need for a baby. My love and affection goes out to all of the women in my blogging and personal life who are desperately trying to scratch this itch because relief is hard to come by.

But here I am, three kids deep in it, and my current mantra is “Let Me Be Done Already”. I will be totally honest here. At the moment, I have no desire for another baby. They cry, they poop, they pull hair, they catch colds and strep throat and RSV, they’re a serious drain on the budget, and as my old roommate Jessie likes to say, “Kids are the biggest scam going.”

And yet I know there’s one more out there, just waiting for the right moment to crowd it’s way into our family. I would happily be done if I thought I was done, but I’m just not done. Am I the only one who feels this way?

I’m not anxious to have a baby, but I’m ready to get it over with. I’d like to have this last kid ASAP–preferably before we move out of the country (our current two-year plan) because I really don’t want to have a foreign child. And I like my doctor. And American hospitals.

Don’t ask me how I’m going to feel once I’m actually pregnant, I’ll deal with that when it comes. The crazy thing is that I want to be pregnant. I guess I’ll deal with the consequences when it happens. Heaven only knows I can’t be the first woman to feel this way, right?


  1. I know exactly how you feel. I know there are more, but I’m just not quite ready for them yet.

  2. I sort of am missing this gene. Which presents a whole different set of problems.

  3. girlsmama says:

    My dearest Annie. You are so not alone. I have four beautiful girls. And due to some complications, another pregnancy is way to chancy. But man do I want another baby. And I feel like there’s one (or two) more out there. I just have to figure out how to get it. 🙂

  4. I’m not sure how I feel. Some days I want more. Some days I want LESS. Some days, I just don’t frickin’ care. I think I’m broken.

  5. AMEN. I didn’t very really want kids, and then discovered WHY after I had one – I HATE babies. And parenting too, mostly. But, Now, I’m in the thick of it, and the older my toddler got, the sooner I needed to jsut get it done with so there would be a sibling. I didn’t want a baby – if I thought of that, I wouldn’t let my husband anywhere NEAR my nekid self, so I just focused to being pregnant so I’d be at least moving ahead with the inevitable.

    So um, you are not nuts. You is just like me. Wait… that’s not right…. 😉

  6. Hmm. Interesting. I know that you know what needs to be done, but it’s not as “easy” to achieve this status in comparison to others — well, days turn into weeks turn into months and years and the next thing you know…. you’re giving away all of your things swearing that you had meant for it to happen. “Do what is right let the consequence follow” and be grateful He cares enough about the size of your family.

  7. You know what, I think I’m the opposite. I would LOVE the baby, I would love to have two more, I just DON’T. WANT. TO. BE. PREGNANT.
    I hate being pregnant, I’m horrible. If I could just skip the pregnancy, I’d probably have even more kids.
    Good luck, it will all work out! 🙂

  8. I have one girl and three boys. When my first child was an infant, there was an impression that there were 4 brothers. Well, my youngest is almost 18 mos. and I want another baby because of this impression. Most days I feel ok about 4 kids, but I know our fam is not complete. I want to hurry up and get things finished with also. So. You’re not alone.

  9. I was done, done, done at 4. It was so cozy – we finally had a boy, the girls were all in school. But there was one more. I said no. But couldn’t get rid of the prompting, so I took out my IUD. Two weeks later, we panicked and started protecting again. We thought we were okay because it ended up being only 1 time. That kid was MEANT TO BE.

    He’s the only one that I ever felt prompting about though – but I didn’t really need it before that. We knew we’d have at least 3 and then the first 3 were girls, so 4 seemed like a good idea.

    We’re DONE now and I’m positive (and relieved) there are no more. #5 is a delightful little guy and has come with tons of blessings, but if I had any more I’d lose my mind.

  10. We currently have three. #3 was a surprise that I was bitter about until the very end (which I am ashamed to say, but it’s a really long story). I always wanted 5, but wasn’t happy about the timing of #2 or #3. But the thing is, things always got better with the birth of each consecutive child. Now that I’m expecting another surprise baby (birth control doesn’t work well for us, apparently) I’m determined to be happy and excited, even though this is a full year before we were planning and it ruins our plans for a 10-10-2010 baby (long, nerdy story).

  11. Annie, your children are so picture perfect. Make another baby so Veronica can take more pictures for you….her business really needs nice looking children, and yours are just purrrfect. If nothing else, do it for Veronica.

  12. Hmmm… I don’t think I can/will comment on this one.

  13. Amen to that. I know there are 2 or 3 more up there and I just want to be done birthing them so I can get back to having my hot body. I like kiddies, but I’m more of a 1 year and up person. I’m not so big on the baby thing.

  14. I don’t even know Mel, but I think we’re twins. I LOVE having a baby- poopy diapers and all! I CANNOT handle another pregnancy.

    And we love the baby stuff. All of it.

    But, back to that “feeling” that there is “one more” up there. I’m 99% sure we’re are done, but I think that feeling never goes away. My mom always had it, even after it was physically impossible for her. We would be kneeling for family prayers, and she’d look around and say, “Who are we waiting for now?” We were all there.
    My MIL after 13 still wanted one more! She had a name for her. She bought a wardrobe for her. She never came.
    My point: I think to some degree this feeling never completely goes away.
    Why? Because I believe that motherhood is eternal. It doesn’t necessarily end with the brood “sent” to us for nurturing through this life. That part of us that longs for eternal things, longs also for eternal motherhood.
    Call me crazy, but that kind of brings a lot of peace to me.
    Love ya, and good luck with everything!

  15. “We” are done at 4, but I would be pleasantly surprised if we happened to get pregnant with #5. I’ve enjoyed all my pregnancies and had good deliveries, and I love babies…but I do have days when I think to myself, “NO MORE!!”

  16. Well, then Annie, get busy *ah you know* I loved being pregnant — but had no morning sickness, healthy, no problem-os for me. I loved feeling that baby moving inside me.

  17. I love being pregnant (I’m not pregnant.)
    I love having a newborn (my youngest is 5.)
    If I could be pregnant all the time, and have a newborn all the time, I’d totally do it.

    But I could not handle any more kids. Is there hope for me?

  18. I know I have another baby… but I’m freakin’ 38.

    I would love to have more babieS… but I’m freakin’ 38.

    I HATE being pregnant because (repeat after me) I’m freakin’ 38.

    But I still want more babies. Even though I’m freakin’ 38.

  19. annie valentine says:

    Ah Motherboard, now I see where you earned your lofty title.

    Becca, there is hope. Celestial hope.

  20. first, you are crazy, but we knew that all along and it’s something I like about you. Second, I’m going to laugh, when you have twins for your last. that’s what happened to my cousin. Four darling kids, but one more was waiting – twins. When you do have twins you could give one to me, especially if they are foreign babies – a little Chinese girl would be PERFECT! and I’m not kidding.
    by the way I think the only way for two Americans to have a foreign baby is to adopt or have an affair, at least to be authentic. As a foreigner myself, living in a strange country I can say this.

  21. annie valentine says:

    Kristin – I’ll bet if we practice we can make a couple of Chinese girls.

    And yes, America is strange when you’re coming from Canada. You poor, culture shocked Canadian…

  22. Um, sure you didn’t sneak into my head and write this?

    We’re currently discussing the “how many” question. One more? Two? But I want a baby – I don’t want to get pregnant.

    Tough to do.

    (And I’ve had two babies internationally. A total pain, but do-able. You could do it if you have to. Good doctors are everywhere – as long as you’re willing to drive and pay.)

  23. Yes, I feel that way right now. My husband has no job and I feel that way. It is depressing me. How are we going to do this? Although now I know Matt feels this way. Do we just go for it and take a chance? I’d rather Heather have a baby first though.

    But on the other hand, do I really want one more kid? Oh no. I’m going to kill the ones I’ve got, but yet there is another one.

  24. I’ll take being prego AND have the baby…

    Heavenly Father seems to think I need to wait for something to have one more.

    I guess he COULD be right…

    I’m going to leave it at that cuz I hear the lightning coming! 🙂

  25. Where you moving to in 2 years?

  26. I would do anything for a baby…to lose being fit…to lose sleep to care for a baby…to have that crying baby…I will take all the bad…that goes with all those blessing..I would do anything….and it totally makes me upset when people complain about the kids they got..cuz there are people out there that are having a hard time having just one kid…..

  27. Kim Haynes says:

    I’m so glad I had everything removed and am to old, now I don’t have to make those hard decisions. I liked being pregnant, after the morning sickness was gone. The problem was , with each child it seemed to last longer. I remember thinking I was done after 3 when sister Smith from the Elma ward told me I needed to pray about it. Then we had 4. Be careful what you pray for. Now that we are old and 8 grandkids we wish maybe we would have had a couple more.

  28. This is so true! Exactly how I felt before having my kid. Biggest scam going – bwahahaha!

  29. Yep!