What doesn’t happen in Vegas…

We’re leaving today to spend the rest of the week in Sin City.

Remember when the dinosaurs came up with that funny line about what-happens-in-Vegas-stays-in-Vegas? That line is so funny. I still laugh every seven seconds when I hear someone say it.

Anyway, let’s talk for a moment about what DOESN’T happen in Vegas.

1. Laundry. For the rest of the week, no laundry will happen in Vegas. My children have one set of clothing for each day and if they pee, puke, or spill on it, they’re wearing it anyways because I. Don’t. Care.

2. Dishes. Yes, our room has a small kitchenette, and no, I will not lift even a pinky to rinse a dish. I shall leave them piled up in the sink each day and vacate the room so the maid can load the dishwasher. If I’m feeling generous, I might even leave a tip (although no one ever tips me). And if the maid fails to come and clean the room, I shall stack them outside my door. Ha.

3. Carpool. I will not have to pick up my child from kindergarten for the rest of the week. I hate this job. I detest this job. Loading and belting everyone into the car so we can drive nine seconds down the highway to his elementary school is a form of parental abuse. There will be no carpooling in Vegas.

4. Snow. It won’t snow in Vegas, and if you try to tell me differently I will curse you with a pox.

5. Vacuuming. Sweeping. Mopping. Dusting. Scraping oatmeal off the floor under the bar. Getting peanut butter off the window frames. Wiping down toilets splattered with “lemonade” (or not seeing the lemonade and sitting first). Sandwich crumbs scattered in my bed (because Rex and his animals like to go “swimming” right after lunch).

I don’t really care about what I do in Vegas this week, I only care about what I don’t do. Do you think total and complete laziness counts as a sin? I sure hope so.


  1. If only what doesn’t happen in Vegas didn’t have to stay in Vegas.

  2. The only problem with going away and enjoying a lack of those things is coming home to find MORE dishes, laundry, and housework to do. At least, that’s what I came home to after being away at the conference. Plllh.

    (You need to inform Dave Ramsey that you WILL be there next year. Just sayin’.)

  3. Anette is right, so the best money spent on a vacation is paying someone to clean your house while you are gone. Have fun, can’t wait to read your post when you return!

  4. Yeah, but heh, heh, what happens in Vegas—-ouch! Why’d you hit me?! 😉

  5. Apparently, there’s a Hibachi restaurant where the girls get topless after midnight. The female cooks. Topless. Hot oil. Ponder that one for a moment.

  6. Hmmm…I think I need to go to Vegas. But, I would have to get a leash for my kiddo first.

  7. I love your “don’t do’s” of Vegas. I wish I could not do those every day…

  8. You should also avoid basic hygeine exercise like washing your hair. You have no idea how great it can be till you try it:)

    PS-are we still doing our Biggest Loser party?

  9. I was going to sing the “viva las vegas” song to you, but because of the viagra commercials, I’m forever grossed out. I guess the point of my comment is- I hope your experience in Vegas is as exciting as the geriatrics are having on those Viagra ads.
    Does that make any sense?

  10. That last comment was so wrong, on so many levels.

  11. So…you better post wonderful fun when you return, because what happens in Vegas, at least for you, better not just stay there. We all need to enjoy the fun!

  12. AMEN! I hope you have lots of fun not doing things. I will be envious for the rest of the week.

  13. What Kristina said is true. And there is a belly dancing place that is also topless after midnight. I’m thinking it might be a city-wide ordinance. I’m thinking after midnight all the women must go about their business topless. Wendy’s, McDonald’s, etc. That’s my theory anyway. I try to stay away from Vegas at all costs (except when U2 plays there, of course). 🙂

  14. I hope you have a really fun time, and I hope I don’t get a pox.

  15. ah sigh, sounds blissful.

  16. Sounds good to me…and what’s wrong with Utah? Don’t they provide a bus service there?

    Have fun in Vegas.

  17. I don’t have to tell you to have fun, no doubt you will. It sounds fabulous…all the things you’re not going to be doing. You know, I’ll be thinking of all the things you’re not doing as I’m doing them.

  18. You know, it DID snow here, in Vegas, in December, but I’m pretty sure it’s not going to happen this week, so you’re good. No worries. Enjoy yourself! And try to eat at Raising Cane’s if you get the chance. It only serves chicken, but it is the BEST chicken in the world. No lie.

  19. Vegas?

    May I suggest the Bungee Jump.

    It reduces stress, unless the bungee is too long.

  20. Funny. That was really funny, and I laughed out loud.

    Just thought you might like the validation – even though I’m disowning you for going there and not-doing all those things without me.

    So. Not. Fair.

  21. YAY! How funny this post it. You are so cute.

    Have FUN FUN FUN!

  22. All I can say is: I’m jealous! I’ve been behaving lately like I’m on vacation. BUT…I’m not! Dishes=filthy! Laundry=still there! Vacuuming=still in closet cause it has a long freakin’ cord that I don’t want to deal with!! Carpool=I’m not at that stage yet, but if I were, I’d so be fired!

    Sleep in a few more minutes for me, Annie. Enjoy yourself and remember us mommies who are still in mommy heck…I mean heaven. SNARL!!!!

  23. LOVE Vegas… only live a short hour and some drive from there! Relax and have fun… and like someone said… BUNGEE JUMP!!! 🙂 Scary, I’d never do it, but I’d love to be there when someone did~ lol

  24. Blindfold your kids on the freeway and you’ll be all set ;>

  25. It might —be a SIN, but what better place to do the sinning then in VEGAS ——-and once you leave, the sin stays behind and no one ever knows. Shhhhh