Beauty from the bottle

Eight minutes. I don’t think I can stand the torture.

Today is Color My Roots day. That means that for 40 minutes I get to sit around with chemical head, trying not to itch my poor abused scalp as the dye burns away the color from my dirty blond hair. I like to think of it as a cleansing process, a purification of my hair color and soul, if you will.

And I am miserable.

Beauty is misery. If only Jack Bauer knew about all the available torture out there. Pouring bleach on someone’s scalp, getting a “salt rub” on your feet (which is possibly one of the most miserable and uncomfortable things I’ve ever experienced. I can never decide if I want to scream from pain or from laughter), bikini waxes–the possibilities are endless.

Today I decided that if my head was going to be miserable, we might as well be miserable all the way, so I slapped on a clay  mask to cleanse my recent outbreak of zits (seriously? I’m 30. Why is this still happening??). So not only is my head on fire, but my face is frozen as well. I can’t even cry about it.

One minute forty-nine seconds. That gives me just enough time to start a movie for the kids and walk very slowly to the shower. Oh hot Heavenly water, I salute you.

(Rex just came up and said, “What you got on your face? What you got on your nose and your face and your head,  huh Mommy?” Too bad my face is frozen and I can’t answer him. Just call me Tin Man.)


  1. Don’t forget the extractions during a facial!

    And I need to schedule a hair appt too. She put more blonde in my hair than usual, so the roots are proud and out!

  2. You’re a trooper. And beauty is worth it, right? I wouldn’t know, but that what I hear.

  3. Oh yes, the price of beauty . . . my girls have learned that with tangles and long hair.

    As for zits–I have a fresh crop of them on my forehead and I’m freaking 35 1/2. ARGH

  4. What is this, this suffering for 40 minutes crap? GO TO THE HAIR LADY! The torture is quick and swift (or is it swift and quick?) and lasts only 15 minutes, and that’s only if you haven’t done your hair for so long that your “roots” are actually 95% virgin hair that sucks up extra product so she has to charge you more. If you came more often like you planned to, the torture would only last for 5-10.

    Go forth and be beautiful, it’s for the good of the country! 😉

  5. annie valentine says:

    Ah, Sally girl, Dave Ramsey strikes again. The budget has become do-it-yourself (with a little help from girlfriends and sisters).

  6. I just had my hair dyed for a cruise so I’d look younger. Someone (my Uncle Frankie) told me my gray/white stripe looked like a skunk. He’s just a couple years older and Frankie is “frank.” He’s got “liver lips” bigger than mine and a real “bubble-butt” and I hope he finds this post.

    My husband misses my white stripe, so I’m letting it come back, it’s all for my “dazzling love” anyway, right?

    Get this, my real blondie like you.. Kiely insists on dying her hair very dark brown and she’s only 20. I don’t recognize her and I call her “Goth-girl” She says “EMO!” Yeah, I get real EMO when I see her beautiful hair blond hair turn slightly green-tinted. Is it a phase? Yeah, I know she’s cutting the apron strings. Bahhh! sob, sob…I’m going to be a “Super Empty Nester!” lymi

  7. So that is my mom who commented above me here.

    I dyed my hair in Oct. or Nov. It was meant to be dark brown….it turned out black. Yeah…..husband teased me and said it was from the vampire books I was reading. He even told the Bishop this one Sunday morning. I had to call and explain. He was not home so I talked to his wife and told her about it. She laughed and said that she and all 3 of their daughters were reading them. it as grown out and faded and he still teases me about it.

  8. I just got my hair cut yesterday and it feels fantastic, but we did talk about pain and beauty when a teenager came in to get her eyebrows waxed for the very FIRST TIME EVER. The lady was telling her it doesn’t hurt at all–scoff! Another form of torture, super cute super high heels. Walk around in those for awhile terrorists!!

  9. Michelle says:

    I agree with Mel. I physically can’t walk in high heels.
    Annie-I have pictures of you bleaching my hair about 11 years ago. You seemed to enjoy that more.
    But you’re right- it’s all torture. Just put me on 500 calories a day, and I’ll tell you anything you want to know for a doughnut.

  10. Ooh-clay masks are fun! But I got so sick of coloring my hair a few years ago that I completely stopped. I’ve been 100% natural for six years now!

  11. I don’t believe it. I want to see a picture of it.

  12. Well, all these treatment are paying off my dear as you are one gorgeous young lady (even at 30) Men have it soooo stinking easy.

  13. I’m mirroring Wendy because I’ve seen your cute self and have to say you’re one hot mama. At least you know that your pain worth the price, huh?

  14. annie valentine says:

    It’s so unfair, Jason’s beauty regimen consists of shaving his head every Sunday morning. Stupid hot bald men.

  15. Annie you make beauty look effortless, and when you got it, you got it, and giiiiiirl you got it, got it? If you haven’t noticed I’m kind of bland..
    I’m too much of a wuss to color my hair. I’m afraid of how I’ll turn out.