I have a Harem.

I think I’m a facebook floozy.

So the other night, I was sitting around with a few of my sisters and our laptops, looking up YouTube videos and Snuggies and trying to waste time with group internet surfing.

We made our way over to facebook and I noticed I had an invitation to join a facebook Harem. Anyone who knows me knows that I have never once accepted a facebook invitation for anything, including the saving of starving children. I haven’t acknowledged a single relative or classmate, and I refuse to accept any more nominations for Nicest Person (you know they pour in like crazy).

But a Harem? What the heck is a facebook Harem? Anything with the word Harem in it must be thoroughly investigated, to protect the young and innocent. For all I know I’m about to uncover a federal felony that I can sick Jason on and emerge a big, Harem-saving hero.

So, with my investigative goggles firmly in place and my sisters at my side, I plunged into the frightening world of Haremania. Allow me to divulge. You sign up and get some facebook Harem money for free (no good at Macey’s, I already checked), with which you purchase people. Random people, like me, who have posted their picture along with a teensy little blurb. Prices start somewhere around $300 and go up from there. You can be worth millions if you play your people right.

As I started looking around, I noticed there were a number of “less-desireable” photos for sale. There was even a clearance list, up to 90% off! We all know I can’t pass on a deal, and I’m all about making people feel good about themselves, so, with the counsel of my sisters, I began to collect a Harem. An ugly, unwanted group of misfits who needed a home and an owner.

After about half an hour (of my life), we noticed that I had a little update next to my photo. Someone had purchased me! He had not only purchased me, but he’d bought me virtual gifts like perfume and flowers (how did he know??).

Anyway, the short of it is that we laughed and had a delightful evening, then I completely forgot about the whole thing. Until today. Right now, to be exact.

While Harem people have no access to my facebook account, they can request me as a friend. My owner has not only requested my “friendship”, but he’s sent me a message. In Spanish. Or perhaps Portugese. Anyway, due to my uno lingo status, I cannot read it. But, I can detect the words “brilliant” and “sunrise” and “mucho” and “diamond”. Who knows? Maybe he’s going to buy me a big brilliant diamond and ride off with me into the mucho gusto sunrise?

Never fear, I shall never visit the Harem site again. My belly dancing days are numbered.


  1. That is funny. You and your sisters always have such fun!

  2. Ooooh. I’m intrigued.

  3. The real question is if you get to wear one of those belly dancer outfits or bob your head like Jeanie and make a wish come true!

  4. Can we have a Snuggie Harem?

  5. You’re hilarious.

  6. That’s funny…I’ve never heard of this before, it sounds weird.

  7. O.K. first of all, what are Snuggies that you look at on the computer? (I always thought that was when someone’s underwear was up where it shouldn’t be)
    and second of all, I do have a belly-dancing outfit from Egypt that you can borrow.
    Sequined bra and everything.

  8. I have never heard of facebook harem. Interesting but not sure how much I like the idea, I think it sounds a bit creepy to me. Imagine being in the clearance slot because noone wants you? Also, as noone has never nominated me for the nicest person, I wonder what that says about me. Then, I think I know the answer, I would be one of those in the bargain basement that nobody wants to buy.

  9. Heather and I attended a talk by Elder Bendar recently that basically said watch out for this stuff.

  10. Haremania!! You’re like the Mother Teresa of the ugly and unwanted for the underground.

  11. annie valentine says:

    Okay Darren, I have not logged back into the Harem site, and I have absolutely no interest in it. It was one evening’s entertainment, not a lifestyle, so never fear, my soul is intact.

    And Michelle, I will not ask why you have such a costume in your posession.

  12. That is pretty funny!

  13. And that my friend is why I always ignore all requests (although and mucho gusto sunrise does sound intriguing).

  14. Sounds like a perfectly lovely way to waste away an evening.

    At least someone wanted to buy you! ;->

    (you saw your post on the MMB this week, didn’t you?)

  15. A facebook Harem?? What the what. some of those things on facebook I think are soooo dumb.
    I have missed reading your blog my friend with my move and all about to happen. I probably won’t be able to check in with you again until September and once I get HIGH SPEED. crap. I will miss my blogger friends.

  16. Oh Annie! Please send me the message so I can translate it for you (& laugh my pants off)!!

  17. Y’know, a Snuggie Harem isn’t too hard to imagine…


    Ok, yeah, it is…