Mooning over New Moon

About New Moon.

First off, I loved it. Howled a little when Jacob’s shirt came off the first time, begged for more and wasn’t disappointed (are you throwing up just a little yet?). The movie was better than I expected it to be, and I plan to fork over the dough and see it again on the big screen.

But I must admit, I dropped by Burger King this week and as I made my way inside, I came face to face with a life-size window sticker of everybody’s favorite little native, Jacob. I stopped. I stared. I cringed.

Holy crap I have a crush on a child.

Seriously, he’s a child, people. I’m an old married woman who drags small children through parking lots and wonders where my breasts have gone, and here I am, drooling after someone I probably wouldn’t trust to babysit for me.

But on the other hand, he’s so hot, and I was young once, wasn’t I? Is it a sin to casually drool over an eight-pack laden werewolf, and kind of wish he’d jump through my window? Hey, I wish I could get anyone to jump through my window. In the middle of the night when the babies throw up, I think my husband would be happy to jump out of my window. What’s a girl got to do to get some window action?

If you’re going to suggest crushing after a vampire with ten chest hairs, forget it. Seriously, it was just mean of them to show Edward shirtless after an entire hour of seeing Jacob’s beautiful body. (Shoot, I’m doing it again, aren’t I?) I have two words for you, Edward, Wax and Tan. Nobody wants to see that, and those pasty hip bones? I shudder to think.

If you haven’t seen it, give it a whirl. I wasn’t disappointed.



  1. I definitely thought Jacob was attractive—especially after the haircut. Poor Edward—he has to go through life being pale. As one cursed with the same affliction, I can’t help but feel bad for him…while I focus my attention on Jacob.

  2. I’m so glad I went in knowing Jacob was a baby. He is cute in a baby face sort of way. I’m a bit ashamed to admit I’ve never really been into the ripped abs. I like a little meat on the bones with a rustic jaw line. Now that my friend is hot! I have to agree about Edward with one comment to add; purple nipples! What the heck???

  3. Yes. Yes he is a child. Which is why it’s creepy.

  4. Riddle Girl says:

    I will not “admit” to drooling over him until he turns 18!

  5. I have found that as I get older (which I’m doing every second, mind you) I crush less and less on people of fame. I don’t know what it is, but they all bother me in some way or another. Although, I do have to agree with Monique, a rustic jaw line is hot! I heard that New Moon was even cleaner than the first movie, so I guess I am a little interested in seeing it…even though I don’t care for the series.

  6. Hey, I’m actually coming over and commenting on your blog! I liked Jacob in the books. More than Edward. But, when I saw Twilight, all I could think of when I saw Jacob was “Shark Boy!” I can’t get over it. He will always be Shark Boy to me. So, I don’t know who much I’ll like Shark Boy in the movie. I guess we’ll see.

  7. The girls in our ward are going on Saturday!! for a matinee…you can watch it again with us!!

  8. Remember though that Jacob the werewolf can’t hold a flame to a singing and dancing Aussie Wolverine. grrr……..

  9. Yeah, I don’t get it. He’s jailbait. And Edward is a hundred year old man disguised as a teen, dating an ACTUAL teen. C_R_E_E_P_Y.

    • Um, you also thought Adam Lambert was hot. Need I say more?

      (Well, I will since other readers will think I’m some rude hack.) I strangely pride myself on never having read nor seen anything Twilight-ish. The bigger it becomes, the more determined I am to keep my distance. I think I’m just stubborn like that. I think that if you and I knew each other in real life, we would be really good friends who roll our eyes at each other a lot. And say “whatever” and go eat a molten lava cake together.

  10. Some of my girl friends and I are going to see it tomorrow. I’m sure I’ll enjoy the view.

    I admit, I’ve been team Jacob forever. I still think he should have won and I’ve never cared much for Eddy-the-white.

  11. Amen and AMEN!

  12. Here’s to being COUGARS(as in old women chasing young men…not BYU, but while we’re at it…that too!!)!!!! When I see him on the screen and get a little fluttery in my chest I think “HELLO!!! If you would have gotten pregnant as a teenager, he could be your son!” then I go “ewww” then I see him again and say “ahhhh” But I’m lucky cuz Steve has big arm, shoulder, and chest muscles so I have an older version of Jacob!!!

  13. Thank you for confirming my suspicion… this movie is not worth going to see. I think I’ll go see Planet 51 instead… pretty sure there won’t be any screaming girls in THAT movie.

  14. i love the fact that they admitted to painting a six pack on rob :)) i’m hearing everywhere that everyone loooves jacob. if i had to pick a team it would be team jacob, alas, i refuse to pick a team 🙂 and i refuse to see that movie… but i know as soon as all the hoopla dies down i will want to go and see what all the hoopla was about. haah

  15. FINALLY! A Jacob lover. I first started loving him for the sole purpose that his name was the same as my husbands and that I could have [really cool] shirts that say “I would have picked Jacob”.

    Now…even if his name was Denny McDoodlecracker, I wouldn’t care. He is so flipping hot. I’m going to see that movie again.

  16. I thought the same thing when I saw Edward…. I didn’t want to think it, but it was definitely EWWW during his shirtless scene. My other EWWW for that movie?… Edward and Vampire Bella running thru the woods. What was with that dress? Didn’t anyone tell the costume designer that she was supposed to be sexy, not looking like a 10-year-old?

  17. Thanks Annie. You shorted out my computer with all that drool!

  18. Okay, so I’m not a big Eric Snider fan, but this was hilarious. I hope you don’t hate me forever for posting this:

  19. OH MY GOSH – – – you’re totally eaves dropping on my brain!!!! These are my exact thoughts. Exactly. Really. You must have some strong powers to read my thoughts from so far away – it’s amazing! You have an endless reservoir of talents: entertaining and humorous writing, offending first grade teachers, and now ESP? Wow, amazing.

    Ok, what am I thinking right now?

  20. I. Am. Going. To. SEE. IT!!!!!!!! As in I’m leaving on a jet plane (bush plane) and going to see the movie. Going out JUST for that. No not really. But I am going out and I am gonna get to see it and I am going to think the little teeny bop is a hottie.


    We were sitting in the cinema with the scene where Edward has his shirt off yelling PUT IT BACK ON!!!

    Seriously. Jacob all the way.

    And yes I find it a bit wrong that I’m perving over a 17 year old, but you know what? He is HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT!

  22. stephandlance says:

    I thought the same thing when I was Edward at the end. Sorry, he just doesn’t even compare!