Something Funny

My mother called to inform me that she’s ready for “something funny” again. My colum has had two rather serious weeks, that’s scary stuff.

I’ll admit, I kind of freaked out at her. I threw out a lot of phrases like, “the kind of pressure” and “any idea” and “you’re supposed to love me.” The thing is, she’s right. I’ve had a case of the maroons. They’re similar to the blues, but they’re not sad, just thoughtful.

Of course, that’s no excuse. All seven successful humor columnists in the world agree on one thing: Being funny is serious business. You have to work at it.

The thing is, so far I haven’t really had to do a whole lot of crafting to come up with material. I find that going to the grocery store with all three kids during the three o’clock hungry hour is usually enough stimulation to get the juices flowing.

If I’m looking for funny material, I could always walk into a business lunch with the people from my husband’s office with  my zipper down again, now that was really funny last week. Nothing like tight jeans and an open zipper.

Hey, I could ask that woman in front of all her friends when her baby is due again, her six-month-old loved that. You should have seen the smile on her kid’s face.

Or I could spend an evening cleaning up five gallons of vomit out of the truck like I did last night. Hilarious! There’s nothing like partially digested cheeseburgers to lighten the mood.

(Actually, my husband couldn’t stop laughing about it. Our only warning from Rex? “My throat! My throat! Bleaugh!” So funny, I love vomit. We don’t get nearly enough of that stuff around here.)




  1. Me too. Feeling very maroon myself these days. I can’t even seem to muster up enough brainpower for a clever comment.

    (As illustrated above)

  2. And now you know why I’m only posting once a week now. It’s hard!

  3. Your columns have been great! Thanks for visiting my blog AND commenting!!! Honored, my dear, am I!!!! (I’ve watched one to many episodes of star wars)

    Because I’m SURE you didn’t have the time to find my “you’re pregnant” diagnosis, just before my pelvic floor/hysterectomy surgery, here is the link if you have the time.

  4. Or you could be me holding my 3 yr old nephew’s hand and he points and blurts out, “Hers got a fat belly.” She was too old to be pregnant. I pretended not to hear even though his voice rang out at 110 decibels. His mother was no where near for me to pawn him off on her and say, “HERE IS YOUR SON BACK.”
    Gotta love kids.

    • annie valentine says:

      Ouch, April. My girlfriend felt that way today when my daughter started pulling all the pads and tampons out of my purse and throwing them down the aisle at Costco. We looked like Hansel and Gretel during the wrong time of the month.

  5. No kidding! There’s this writing contest I’ve been meaning to enter. The word limit is short–750. But it’s a humorous contest. I’ve been paralyzed. The deadline is TODAY. Have I written a WORD? No.

  6. Well—they’re all very funny seeing as they didn’t happen to me:) I’m sorry you had to go through them, though.

    On the bright side—one more week to Biggest Loser finale!

  7. Humor only happens when you don’t expect it. Weird, since I expect to smile every time I read you, and I still DO…..

  8. OR, you could come out to lunch with me, and observe me hilariously pathetic life, and make fun of me for an hour!

  9. zstitches says:

    I laughed out loud. Should I thank your mom? (And it wouldn’t be funny if I hadn’t experienced it. Not that it was funny when *I* experienced it.)

    I love the Hansel and Gretel line, too.

    When Dave Barry retired from writing his weekly humor column for the Miami Herald, his last article (I wanted to say “his last post,” hmm, do you think I spend enough time reading blogs?) talked about how throughout his entire career he’d always received comments and letters from people about how he “used to be funny.”

  10. Clearly, you do not live at my house. Because a few FB status updates ago, I had some -serious- humor material going on.

    I understand the pressure of writing, though. Only I HAVE to do it! Stupid writing class…. what is this “homework” thing, anyway???

  11. I didn’t realize maroon was the new blue. Now I know what’s wrong with me.

    (And you shouldn’t feel like you have to be funny all the time. I enjoy your posts even when they are “thoughtful.”)

  12. You know what else is funny? Multiple bed wettings, from the same kid in the same night. Or toddler snot wiped across the shoulder of a clean shirt. Or when the Relief Society president is over at your house and your nearly 5 year old decides to put on his big tantrum pants and go to town (I’m speaking metaphorically here.) So hilarious. I laugh every time.

    By the way, I like all of your colors. (But one of these days can you do olive green? I’m just really curious how that would go.)

  13. You’re writing is good in whatever shade you choose. Just roll with it sista!

  14. Just visit Walmart. There’s enough humor to poke at in one visit that could keep you busy for weeks, months. Really. (I shopped there earlier today & barely escaped with my life and my cheese flavored Sun Chips in tact!)