How to get a grip

Day three of single parenting.

Here’s the thing. We’ve done the whole extended absence thing, I managed perfectly fine for five months in 2008 without any major setbacks. When Jason mentioned that he’d be gone for five weeks this winter, big whoopdee do. Five weeks is nothing. I haven’t been nervous, anxious, angry, or stressed, and let’s face it. Five weeks of auto-pilot on the housework and a freezer full of lean cuisine’s? I’m all over that. It’s so easy to get skinny when he’s gone.

And yet.

Here I am on day three, the lean cuisine’s are untouched, and I am in the midst of a full blown bagel binge. That’s right, bagels and cream cheese, on the hour, every hour thank you very much. I actually went to Einstein’s yesterday and bought over a dozen asiago cheese bagels so I could freeze some because I’m chewing through them so fast.

And I checked out a nice hefty stack of pointless reading from the library, which I have spent the last 72 hours pouring through. If I’m not mothering or changing a load of clothes or eating a bagel, I’m reading. Like a fiend. You’d think I’ve never met a book before, I’m almost averaging a book a day here, people.

Between the bagels and the non-movement, my jeans are already tight. I swear my scale is loving this, it’s like it can’t wait to spit out a nice big number for me when I step on it (which I did not do this morning, nor will I until I get a grip).

So here’s the plan. I think I can manage the stagnant motion and bagel kick if I do the following: No bagels after twelve o’clock, noon. Yoga, three times a week (I’ve already got the babysitting arranged so I’ll have no excuse to stay home). Fruit and yogurt in the afternoon, and one Lean Cuisine at 5:30 then nothing but water for the rest of the night (well, water and a bowl of sugared berries with real whipping cream on them, because berries are so good for you, right?).

I just reached for a bite of my toasted, schmeared bagel, then realized I wolfed it down when I wasn’t paying attention. Good thing I’ve got ten more upstairs.


  1. Dear Annie,

    this is my first trip here, and as such, can’t offer much in the way of insight.

    THAT SAID, I think the plan for no bagels after midday seems sensible, and if you need to check what time it is, ask me.

    The advantage of this is that I live in London, and the time-difference is likely to get you a few extra hours bagel time.

  2. My breakfast was a Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich. I don’t know if that’s better or worse than your 10 bagels.

  3. I am seriously DROOLING over this post! I live nowhere NEAR an Einsteins, and I SO want an Asiago Bagel! Oh, how I used to LOVE them! When I was a workin’ woman (back in the pre kid days) my job would get two dozen Einstein Bagels every Friday for our work meeting. Love them! And Berries are absolutely healthy- no matter the topping! Darn it if only I wasn’t house bound with a sick infant and no car!

  4. When you figure out how to get a grip – let me know. I too am in a downward spiral!

  5. Um, yeah, I might be better able to look disdainfully on your bagel-binge if I hadn’t just breakfasted on a large Diet Dr Pepper and a handful of peanut M&Ms.

    Only plain oatmeal for lunch today! (Well, unless the ladies in the office want to go out to lunch and then I’m getting a huge Cafe Rio salad with extra dressing, of course.)

  6. If it helps, every time you look at a bagel, notice it’s shape: nice, plump and round. You are what you eat, so you just might want to cute back. Hope I didn’t ruin it for you….Maybe you can try celery and cream cheese, at least you will burn lots of calories chewing.

  7. Put the bagel down! Email me. Let’s do lunch. We’ll find something semi-good-for-us. Seriously.

  8. Well crap. Now I have to go eat a bagel.

  9. Bagels do nothing for me. I wish I could say the same for those heart-shaped sugar cookies with cream cheese frosting and heart-shaped red hot imperials that are sitting on my counter. Oh, wait, they aren’t there any more.
    Good luck! At least you have a few more weeks to get a grip before he comes home?

  10. Great. Now I want a bagel TOO! My husband has abandoned me (just for a couple of days tho) … I can do whatever I want, except the kids won’t stop making messes … punks.

  11. We are snowbound and I am thinking of making banana nut muffins…. and then chocolate chocolate chip muffins… maybe I should rethink this plan. 😉

  12. You should try the healthy choice steamers, they are really yummy! It is so much easier to lose wieght with your man gone but its also easy to fall into a rut lol. I’m kind of worried to think of what will happen whem my hubby does come home, we’ve spent all this time eating so healthy and hes going to want none of that.

  13. Before we had an exchange student, dinner when hubby had to work at his 2nd job was cereal, and lots of it! Damn that exchange student… what is it he has against cereal for dinner? It’s the American way!

  14. p.s. If I am what I eat and peeled grapefruit segments in extra light syrup looks like cellulite, what does that mean???

  15. I was just thinking last night about how I would never ever cook if my husband weren’t home. He’s gone every Wednesday night and it’s night off for me. Cereal or pizza rolls…….I’m not sure I’d lose weight with him gone, either.

    My husband was in the army reserves and was gone for 3 week stints a few times. Most of the time I was able to be in Kansas with my family, but once, I wasn’t. My oldest was not yet two and my baby was just a few months old.

    It was the longest 3 weeks of my life. Had it not been summer, I might actually have gone insane in our basement apt. So I give you MAJOR props.

  16. See, if you were me, you’ve just blown it with the whole speaking (typing?) out loud of the plan. The moment I actually say I’m going to do something or not do something, especially with regards to the face-stuffing, my body overrides my better judgment and goes into complete self-destruct mode. I have to be a lot more stealthy—trick myself into it. I must never speak of the plan. Never.

    But good luck!

  17. As you know, I so feel you on this. I literally ate half a 9×13 pan of peanut butter bars by myself yesterday. I’ve been stuffing my face with as many sweets as possible in the hopes of feeling better! I wish we lived close, I would so love to self destruct with you! 🙂 (Mmmmm, bagels and cream cheese sound good…)

  18. I am not a huge bagel fan –but do the the Asiago ones and cinnamon ones. And gotta have the honey and nut cream cheese. Whoops, maybe I like them more then I thought.
    I too am in GREAT FEAR of my scales.
    I know I need to step on them —really SEE that number. Own it (as oprah would say)
    screw that —as soon as I start to “feel” a little thinner, then I’ll tackle the scale. Ohhhhh the fear.
    Living hear, this life of luxury, with no gym in sight, has made me beefy. and I HATE it.

    it is hard to be with out hubby
    I wouldn’t like it.
    berries and whipped cream ———-I’d go for that. You NEED berries, and whipped cream, helps with the calcium—right??

  19. Life without hubby is hard. I can barely survive. But asiago bagels? Why try to resist?

  20. I just ate a bagel thanks to this post. Although if I went to Einsteins I would end up with a bag of chocolate chip bagels. It’s breakfast and dessert at once! Genius.

  21. This might not be helpful at Einstein’s but here it is anyway. 🙂

  22. stephandlance says:

    Love the Asiago Cheese bagels. And no worries, we’ve all been there!