Sleep Apnea

Apparently, I have sleep apnea.

This is a very serious disorder, it happens when you are constantly woken up in the middle of the night and find yourself never able to slide into that oh-so-blissful refreshing sleep much of the world enjoys.

The bad news is my case is untreatable. No mask is going to help, it’s not due to my tonsils or recent weight increase (we can blame the heart burn on that), and no doctor on the face of the planet can help me.

Why? Because I have June apnea. My daughter wakes up every hour, on the hour, crying/kicking the door/begging for chocolate milk (which I totally give her so don’t judge), only to surface for good at approximately 5:30–during which time she’s chipper and happy and wants nothing more than to climb in bed with me and TALK MY HEAD OFF for two hours.

Honestly, I can’t even stay awake these days to watch The Office, my body is so exhausted with this total lack of sleep. And she’s not waking up for nothing, there’s always some “Bad lion!” or a ghost or a monster or just a lot of pointing at the closet. The girl is having some serious bad dreams, probably brought on by our creepy old Care Bears videos that she seems to be obsessed with.

All I can say is that Daddy will be home on Thursday and After Hours Daddy Duty will start that night. Boy, I can’t wait to sleep with him again.


  1. I so sorry to hear this. Our three year old still does this, although he is often down to once or twice a night. Haven’t tried the chocolate milk.

    He is the sole and only reason that I am addicted to diet Dr. Pepper. Before his arrival, I had never even had a Coke. Now, I have piles of empty aluminum cans on the floor of my car.

  2. So I totally was like, I’ll do some research for you and get back to you! I wish you wouldn’t trick me like that haha.

  3. Seriously… is this MY blog? I think I have Jaden apnea (and she’s the 2 year old!)

  4. One suggestion- Monster Spray. Get an empty spray bottle, fill it with water and a little perfume or fragrance oil (can be found at craft stores). When she is scared have her spray the “Monster Spray” wherever she is afraid Monsters/”bad lions” can be found and it’ll kill em. My parents did it with me, I did it with my toddler (now 6 and totally cured), and it works pretty well!

  5. I must have double sleep apnea because neither of my boys seems to sleep all night. Chocolate milk or train whistles, or apple juice or owls hooting – it is always something.

  6. Hmmmm, this is going on my “Con” side.

    • annie valentine says:

      No no, Kristina, it’s really totally awesome! There’s nothing more wonderful than seeing her little face three or four times a night.

  7. Totally had this problem with my youngest (he’s now 11). Turns out HE had sleep apnea. True story. Once his tonsils came out at age 4, (those things were enormous!) I started sleeping through the night again.

  8. I’m tellin’ you… I like the Monster Spray idea! I’ve heard of it before. And since we all know what an authority I am on awesome parenting (BWAHAHAHAHA!!!) you should do it!

  9. Monster spray is an awesome idea! (Unless, of course, she gets a little too excited and sprays herself like crazy…)
    My oldest had night terrors. About half an hour after she fell asleep, I’d wake her up enough to get her to answer a simple question, then tuck her back in. It worked wonderfully – unless, of course, I forgot to do it.

  10. I’ve had child apnea for the last seven years. How am I even alive?!

  11. I was about to tell you that a mask really would work until I found out that it was your daughter waking you up.
    I like the monster spray idea too. We’re currently using a variation of this to get rid of a pesky imaginary friend of our 4 year old.

  12. Would locking her in her room help?

    • annie valentine says:

      SHE IS LOCKED IN HER ROOM. She lays on her back by the door and kicks it as hard as she can until I get out of bed and attend her.

  13. My Hunter is two and goes through the same thing off and on. When he wakes up for more than a few minutes I pop in a movie, tuck him in and say good night.

  14. Hey, look at it this way: When the new baby comes, it’ll be no sweat ’cause you’ll already be in the sleep apnea routine!

  15. Cynedra,
    We need to talk. My non-sleeper is often not sleeping because he is sure owls are in his room and/or bed. He got that from a Franklin episode, apparently.

  16. Well, you should check out my blog:) I didn’t know today was sleep apnea day.

    I don’t know if any parent gets sleep. Kelsi was and is still our worst offender of nighttime needs. It took until she was about 3 years old but after we started leaving her lamp on all night long and then marching her sternly back to bed whenever she ventured into our room she now sleeps some nights without getting up at all! Wa-hoo.

    Honestly, I think locking kids in rooms makes it worse. The lamp thing helped a lot and never giving into her nighttime wants (chocolate milk and the Sprout channel). Hey your the one who swore by that nighttime book with Harrison…doesn’t that have any tips?!

  17. Yep. My Natalie is going through a “THERE ARE BUGS AND SPIDERS IN MY ROOM!!! AND ON MY PINK BLANKEY!!!!” stage. It’s fantastic.

  18. I know people with sleep apnea and I know that they sleep much better with their masks. Maybe Junie would sleep better with a mask. 😉 Or benadryll. (Okay I really don’t drug my kids but it’s SO tempting!)

  19. p.s. Thank heavens for your blog. I need your sense of humor or I’d live in a dreary world of sadness.

  20. Don’t worry ——-you’ll sleep again
    Cause if she is not crying and banging on your door due to the Bad Lion

    you are pacing the floor when she is a teenager looking out for the Big Bad Wolf that is late in bringing her home from her date.

  21. jennifer says:

    My 5 year old has been plagued with bad dreams for a long time. I didn’t want to do the monster spray because if you have a spray then well there must be real monsters out there right? I told my kid about dream catchers. We ended up picking one out online because mom is not crafty *ahem unlike other people here* and it has worked amazingly! Good luck Annie!

    • annie valentine says:

      I’m with you, monster spray isn’t my thing. But a dream catcher, not a bad idea…

  22. I’m a mean mom…I would just let her kick away and never respond to it…because delivering chocolate milk can only be a reinforcer. I am pretty laid back about most aspects of parenting, but bedtime is non-negotiable! I do the “cry it out” thing. It is horrible and makes me feel so sad and guilty for about a week. But then, they have learned to self-soothe and put themselves back to sleep. It is awesome! Plus, it is so healthy for them to finally get the sleep they need, whether they acted like they were missing it or not.

    • annie valentine says:

      Thank you! The night after this posted, I let her kick her little heart out and she’s been sleeping through the night ever since. Why did I forget that I could do that?? I’m getting way too lazy at this parenting bit.