I should wear a sign that says, “Warning! Prone to saying stupid things!”

I recently committed the most horrendous, I-should-know-better-especially-right-now sin in the entire world. I asked another mom if she was pregnant. And she wasn’t.

Let me back up a second. On Saturday we went to Lagoon (thanks to the generous and loving hearts of my babysitters who got us in super cheap). It’s an amusement park. That’s right, everyone’s favorite Saturday activity: cart three small, screaming children around all day and force them on rides.

Due to the tender ages of my offspring and my current delicate condition, I find nothing amusing at amusement parks. I spent somewhere around seven hours transferring toddlers from ride to ride, trying to keep my little serial cutters from pushing the smaller, weaker, politer children aside so they could satisfy their adrenaline lust.

As I was standing in line, trying not to watch my kids spinning around in decrepit old helicopters, the mom at the fence next to me struck up a conversation. We visited about our kids for a second, and bonded over the fact that we both have three small children, and like bald men. She was tall and pretty, certainly not fat, and was wearing what appeared to be a maternity top.

“So when are you due?” she asks me. Frankly, I was kind of surprised she said anything. I feel like I’m still in the “is she fat or pregnant?” stage of things, sometimes I wonder if all that thumping around is really just indigestion from too many cupcakes.

“Oh! Um, I’m due at the end of the summer, what about you?”

Okay, let me clarify something here: Up to this point, the only strangers who have publicly asked me if I’m pregnant ARE PREGNANT LADIES. I just assumed that she wouldn’t have asked me if she didn’t want me to ask her…right?

“Oh, I’m not pregnant, just fat.” And then I wanted to die.

I seriously considered throwing myself into the duck pond at that point, I felt so horrified and stupid. I casually played it down and explained why I asked, besides, she definitely didn’t look fat. But it doesn’t matter how you sugar coat it, once it’s out, there’s no putting it back (kind of like having a baby).

I was tired, the kids were tired, and all I could think of was how badly I wanted someone to threaten me with a nap. I’ll tell you, I would have gladly accepted the punishment.


  1. Oh I am sorry. I hate that when I stick my foot in my mouth.

  2. Your question was probably legit, considering the scenario. I did that once, I could have sworn the woman was 8 1/2 months along, and she stormed, “I’m not pregnant.” She also wasn’t fat, just had a huge baby-bump. I was horrified, but I lived!

  3. Honestly, she started it. I don’t mean that snarky, but she can’t get upset when she made the same assumption.

    Did I tell you about the intern we have that has the worst body shape in the planet? She literally looks 7 months pregnant. Her stomach is like a round ball. It took us about 3 weeks of whispering to ourselves if she was prengnat. No one dared said anything.

    And Lagoon is open already?

  4. I agree, she opened that can of worms by asking you. I once heard a man say that you never ask a woman if she is pregnant unless you see the baby emerging at that precise moment.
    I have done this, and topped it of by poking my friend in the belly at the same time. I was pregnant, and hadn’t seen this friend for a while when we ran into each other. Her sister had mentioned in the past that they were trying for a baby, so when I saw her with bigger tummy than before, I poked her tummy and said “so when are you due?” I was able to kindof cover by saying that I thought her sister had told me she was pregnant and she looked more relieved and said “Oh, no we are trying” so we decided that I just misunderstood. I NEVER ask anymore, and have learned to NEVER touch another woman’s body either. 🙂

  5. You don’t know me, but I totally saw you at Lagoon on Saturday, but I was too star-struck to ask if it was you. 🙂 And…….with three small children and a pregnant belly you probably didn’t want complete strangers chatting it up with you. 🙂 I don’t blame you for your response to her question–PLUS Kiddieland was FULL of pregnant women on Saturday. My husband commented that he had never seen so many pregnant women in his life.

    • annie valentine says:

      What?! That’s the silliest thing I’ve ever heard, next time make yourself known, I would have killed for a girlfriend there. Of course, you were probably too frightened of me after watching me publicly beat my children…

  6. I have committed this same faux pas. Asked a girl if she was pregnant, and she told me no. Turns out she was, but still, GAH! Couldn’t believe I had said that. Though at the time, I had a brand new baby and babies were on my mind. Like they’re on your mind.

  7. Blame it on Lagoon and all the nastiness of it – the smells, the sounds, no one can think rationally while there!

  8. Well, I have been on the other side .. I was the one ASKED when I was due, when I wasn’t pregnant – and truly, I laughed – then and now! I WAS wearing a sweater that looked remarkably like a maternity top, and the woman who asked me was newly pregnant herself, so clearly that was on her mind – as it was on yours. Seriously, don’t hound yourself – it can be OK to the one who was asked, I am living proof!

  9. Oh yes Annie, I think that is the sin of all sins.
    But you were just ah, making conversation and I can see WHY you said that.
    I had a person ask me if I were pregnant once……and I said no that I just had a baby. I had to come up with a reason.
    Only trouble was my BABY was 18.
    I felt so crappy…….
    but we all have done it one time or another.

    You are forgiven

    • annie valentine says:

      Dude, you must look crazy young Wendy, take it as a compliment. Not all mom’s with 18-year-old kids can compete with the 20-somethings.

  10. I think everyone does that particular dumb foot-in-mouth thing at least once in a life time. PLUS getting asked that is not too fun either.

  11. I have had that happen to me before. A little old man (a total stranger!) came up to me and asked when I was due. I was horrified, especially since I had had two miscarriages just before that. But like the others have said I think you were a little justified in asking her, she brought it up! Don’t you wish (like I do sometimes) that there is a redo button somewhere, just for emergencies like that?

  12. I say since she asked you (and maybe it was you that was gonna say what she said!), then it’s fair game to ask her. Right, right?

  13. I’ve done it, and had it done to me. I was beyond embarrassed when I did it and laughed when it happened to me.

    Should have told her that she had such a lovely glow you just assumed she was pregnant. And then followed it up with something like, “I wish I looked that beautiful and glowy and gorgeous. Only happens to me when I’m pregnant!”

  14. Awww you shouldn’t feel dumb Annie! It happens to the best of us, and she did bring it up! Really, she shouldn’t get offended, its not that big of a deal especially since it happens quite a bit, look at all the people who’ve said it too! 🙂 Hope you’re feeling good and that baby is kicking like crazy!

  15. Welcome to my life and my mouth! I love that you even wrote about it, it makes me feel closer to you! 🙂

  16. The thing is, the way you phrased the question, is kind of like when someone says “How’s your day?” And when you answer, you automatically say, “What about you?” Don’t worry, Annie. I’m sure all is forgiven.

  17. It could have been worse–like the time my mom asked a woman if she was pregnant (she wasn’t) and then 10 minutes later into the conversation, my mom apparently forgot and ASKED AGAIN.

    I was about 16 at the time and wanted to DIE.

  18. Okay, seriously dying laughing at your comment, Annette! That is priceless! And yes, Annie, I have both asked the question & been asked. It is WAY worse to feel bad about having asked it in my opinion.