The devil made me sick

Here is this week’s Regarding Annie column. It was killer not to post it straight to the blog, but I do have deadlines and all that jazz. Gotta give them something that makes the word count. Enjoy, because I certainly didn’t.

“So, nearly two weeks ago I went in for my monthly baby doctor appointment and left a nice little yellow sample for them to splash around in. During my visit, I mentioned to the doctor that I was a little concerned that I might be coming down with a UTI. (If you don’t know what UTI stands for, I hate you.) He said they’d run some lab work on it and get back to me.

Of course, we all know that I never check messages. In fact, last I checked my home phone had 97 new messages, despite the “Please DON’T leave us a message because I’m too cranky to check them,” verbal warning on our machine.

So seven days after my appointment I checked my cell phone messages, only to find out that I had been supposed to pick up a prescription a week ago. But I wasn’t feeling sick, so it was probably nothing. I called the nurse, and we decided that if I should feel even the slightest twinge, I needed to call for a prescription pronto.

Of course, the next morning I woke up feeling … infectiony. I called in, they ordered my prescription, and then I forgot about it completely, left it sitting at my neighborhood Wal-Mart, and left for Women’s Conference, a two-day religious revolution for girls, an hour and a half from my home.

By Thursday I was nervous. Not only was I frequently urinating (bad sign when a pregnant woman pees more than usual), but I was feeling increasingly uncomfortable, if you know what I mean. (If you don’t know, then I hate you.) I chugged some cranberry juice and decided I could probably hold out until Friday night, that was only two more days. How bad could it get?

Friday morning I woke up in a fog. It was day two of Women’s Conference, and I knew the classes I wanted to attend would all potentially get me into Heaven. I shuffled to the bathroom and could barely find the energy to brush my teeth.

“You need to go home,” said a little voice over my shoulder. Instantly I knew it was the devil, because there was no way he wanted me to hear about Jesus today, right? Stupid devil.

For the next hour, I fought his insistent nagging, certain that Satan himself was trying to drag me to hell, minus one Jesus class at a time. How dare he interfere with my salvation? Did he really think I was that stupid?

Don’t ask me how I made it to campus and out of my vehicle, or how I managed to walk nearly a mile, then sit through an entire class, before it finally dawned on me. I was ill. Very ill. And maybe, just maybe, it wasn’t the devil, but a little angel that was screaming at me to get myself home and get some medication before I ended up dead.

So here I sit with a full blown kidney infection. Talk about getting my wires crossed. Let me tell you, sometimes the voice you hear loudest is the one that loves you best.”


  1. Did you record our conversation, and then type it up? This is seriously exactly what you said to me.

    Do you feel better?

  2. Camille says:

    Yikes! Hope you feel better.

  3. I think I get those voices mixed up sometimes, too. Hope you’re getting over it by now.

  4. I missed meeting up with you, but I am very glad you got the care you needed. What would we do with out modern medicine.

  5. I’m pretty sure a kidney infection can ONLY come from the devil. Medication, however, was probably the angel’s idea.

  6. I’ve had a kidney infection while pregnant, and I can guarantee that I did not have a sense of humor about it like you do. You rock!
    I really hope you are feeling better soon! 🙂

  7. Veronica says:

    I can SO feel your pain! Hope you are feeling better now.

  8. My daughter has had about 7 UTIs in the last 9 months or so and currently takes daily antibiotic. I don’t think I’ve had one in my life, but just watching her makes me know I should feel bad for you. So I do. I hope you feel better soon!!

    And I didn’t notice until I got back from Women’s Conference that you were there. I wish I’d paid more attention; I would have loved to meet up and say hi.

  9. So sorry to hear that! I saw Aunt Kerry last night at Jordan’s soccer game and she told me. Also, she meant to show me the most adorable picture of Rexy and a chicken?! Pass it on please (she couldn’t find it)-that kid is gorgeously cute. How are your other munchinks doing? Or are you just passing them by in a haze of PBJ’s and cartoon network (I know that’s what I did with my kids during the last pregnancy).

    Love you.

  10. Gaak! I hate those things! (I thought I would say that, in case people assumed that without clarifying my position on UTIs and kidney infections, I might be the sort that asks Santa for one.)

    And I double hate it when Satan makes me miss my Jesus classes. I’m always sure it will be like college: The final exam will be based entirely on the one class I ditched to go wander around the bookstore, eating chocolate covered peanuts and thumbing through “Far Side” collections.

    There I’ll be, at the Pearly Gates, hemming and hawing and saying, “Well, I’m not sure. But have you seen that one where the cow is standing on its hind legs, drinking a martini and debating Einstein’s third law of motion? Oh, it’s a classic! Yes, I know. Down elevator.”

  11. Ok this might be the only thing I love about my “after” body from having kids. I don’t get these anymore. And let me tell you I put in my years of having these. Horrid. Feel Better Miss.

  12. So sorry Annie . . . . . .

    Holy toledo! I could never.ever.forget that I had a UTI, those things are very painful for me! All life stops until I get IT stopped!

  13. I’m sorry I told you to quit listening to the devil and drag your sorry butt over to the convention.

    I have thoroughly repented. Please do not send Satan to infect MY bladder.

  14. I’m so sorry. I got to do the kidney infection during pregnancy too. And the shot in my tooshie (twice). to make it go away. I hope you’re feeling better, I know the kidney thing HURTS!