Things you can get away with just because you have a pregnant belly

It’s amazing how much I can swing these days just because I’m gestating and the world can see it.

For starters, no one bats an eye when I order a refill on my entire dinner because, obviously, I’m pregnant and determined to consume a jarzillion calories before I deliver in three months. (By the way, I thought jarzillion was appropriate since I eat entire jars of things like artichoke hearts and hot fudge sauce on a routine basis.)

I can pair flip flops with just about any outfit and it totally works. Semi-formal? Cocktail? No problem. Have you seen what a pregnant woman’s feet look like by eight pm? No one expects less.

I can dance in public and wiggle my body in all sorts of inappropriate ways, and all anyone sees is my belly. It doesn’t seem to matter how I gyrate, every move looks the same and none of them come across as offensive or suggestive. Unfortunately.

I can flirt my head off with any man I want and all they see is a matronly mommy-to-be who reminds them of their nanny. Not to say that I take advantage of this, but there was that kid singer who performed at the CBC… (Part of me thinks pregnant women are attractive to single men because they know they can’t possibly get us pregnant.)

And lastly, any time I need to get out of anything, all I have to do is make some mention of needing a bathroom break and I’m cut free. Those of us in the Knocked Up Club are expected to pee all the time, and everyone knows that a pregnant women who can’t get to a toilet is a walking fountain show waiting to happen. (Of course, so far I’ve really needed to pee every time it’s come up, but what an out.)

Anyone surprised to hear that I now need to use the ladies’ room?


  1. Flip-flops: check
    Dancing : check
    Flirting (mildy): check
    Numerous Restroom visits: check

    I was witness to all four of these in just a single weekend. And that is why I adore you.

  2. Sometimes I really miss being pregnant.

  3. Don’t forget you can whip out your boobs anytime, and no one bats an eye! Oh, wait, is that after the baby actually comes? Hmmmm. Wouldn’t stop me.

  4. I miss the belly. I wanted to go and dance but didn’t get up there in time. Cameron’s music was definitely the dancing kind, not the sitting kind.

  5. Cameran Rafati wanted you. Badly. I’m convinced your belly has magical powers, therefore I will rub it every time I see it.

  6. You know, when I saw you dancing all I could think was, “OH MY GOSH – – what a cute pregnant belly!!!” And I would have probably sighed a little bit in that “she’s having a baby” sort of way if I wasn’t so busy making goo goo cow eyes at Cameron from the back of the room. (Do you think he saw me? Probably, right?)

    By the way – I am so happy I got to meet you in person. You are as awesome as I always imagined you’d be.

  7. I was a little disappointed to not see you strutting in your sky-scraper heels at CBC. Maybe if you had danced for us, it would have been better…

    • annie valentine says:

      Um, hello? I DID DANCE! Did you miss the belly wagging? Cause it was moving, baby. If it wasn’t for this blasted broken back, I would have been in four incher’s for sure. Stupid pregnant back.

  8. I would adore you prego, not prego, you thinking you are prego, you wishing you were prego You get the idea right?

  9. As long as you don’t eat the artichoke hearts WITH the hot fudge sauce… So, I was so in love with the mushroom soup at Zupas, we went back and got more that night for dinner. It made me happy… OH, SO very happy. That, and the cake bites that came with the swag from the Sweet Tooth Fairy Bakery? Oh my holy heaven… they almost made me want to move to Utah.

    Should I feel guilty that all my best memories from the weekend had something to do with food? Sheesh. I don’t even have the excuse of a pregnant belly…

    Okay, really it was the people that made my weekend, not the food. But eating with the awesome people I met? That was spectacular.

  10. First off, loved the flowers below.
    and If I were you, I’d MILK everything you can out of the prego club status.
    Cause after baby is born, and your NOT prego, just waiting for those extra fluffy areas to leave, and you have dark circles under your eyes, and you snarl when someone hits your boobs cause they hurt, and you are just a little “bee..achy” cause your DANG TIRED,
    No one gives you the little smile of “ah, isn’t she cute, that glowing little pregnant lady”
    They instead want to carry some garlic and a cross around to WARD you off
    just saying

  11. The other reason Cameron wanted you was, as you said that night, there’s no question as to whether or not you know how to … you know … knit.

  12. Honestly, dancing our baby bellies together to Cameron Rafati’s horror was the highlight of this pregnancy for me. Thank you for the absolute pleasure. I think we should be clubbing buddies now for the remainder of our pregnancies. As our waddles get more pronounced, our grooving is sure to get EVEN more amazing! 😉

    p.s. Your list actually made me happy to be preggo today – thank you! 😉 Now… off to find my flip-flops and sweat pants.