Do I know you?

So I’ve had a few facebook friend requests lately from people who are complete strangers to me. For the record, complete strangers and I have no virtual friends in common, and do not live in the same town (that I know of).

Now, if these strangers are male, there’s no question, I instantly deny them. But when they’re girls who look really nice, I find myself totally confused. Do I accept? Do they simply know me from the blog and want to see a photo of me pregnant? Are they Russian spies who think if they can get in good with me they’ll glean some military secrets that my husband accidentally let slip, and which I ran down to post on facebook? (Come on, we all know that’s totally possible.)

The whole privacy thing doesn’t worry me too much. At the moment, I know who all my friends are, and most of them are old contacts from other phases of life. Then I’ve got my virtual girlfriends from the blogosphere, and a few random neighbors who have facebook accounts.

But what do I do with these strangers? What is the rule here? Anybody?


  1. Hey, I send them a message asking them where I know them from! THEN you are a celebrity now, so they may simply be fans and you will need to decide if your FB page is open only to friends or to fans as well. BUT if they do not respond with where you know them from… I DON’T add them! Hackers just need our “friendship” to hack in…
    HUGS… Tina

  2. I don’t think it would be rude of you to shoot them a quick message asking who they are. If it turns out that they are someone you really do know, you can always say something like, “Wow! I didn’t even recognize you! You look great!” Or blame it on pregnancy brain… If you don’t know them (either IRL or from blogging… because I feel like I totally KNOW you even if I don’t really know you!) just simply tell them that you like to keep thing private for the sake of your kids.

  3. If I have never had a conversation with you–whether via blogging, email or in person– I won’t let you into the “circle of trust” aka: Facebook.

    I have no problem whatsoever hitting the ignore key.

    Besides, lets face it: Some people are just friend whores. ;->

  4. I have to say, I really wish people would make use of the option to add a short message onto their friend request. About a bajillion missionaries go through Poland and I often spend hours after meetings chatting with them while Greg is in meetings. So we have a connection, but I still don’t remember them. It’s easier for them to remember the district president’s wife than for me to remember one of literally hundreds of missionaries I’ve met and talked to. I love it when they say, “Hey Sister Pawlik! I served in Krakow from blah blah to blah blah 2006.” Then I add them and make them promise not to call me Sister Pawlik on facebook. 🙂

    I have also written someone to ask how I know them but my husband thinks that’s terrible (he’s terribly WRONG). It seems to me if someone knows you from your blog and wants to keep up with you on facebook you should probably have heard from them in the comments or by email or something. I don’t know. I’m not famous though, so I don’t know the protocol.

  5. Yeah if it is a commentor on your blog that you’ve emailed back and forth with I’d say maybe add them. But if I dont know a person I ignore them. You can always set up a fan page….

  6. Send them a message asking how you know them there is nothing wrong with that. I agree that they should put how they know you or a little message when they ask to be a friend. Some of my high school friends I do not recognize an I asked who they were when they told me then I realized it was them. So just Ask if they want to be your friend they will tell you otherwise ignore.

  7. I ignore the request. I ignore requests from people in high school who I only vaguely know, so why should I allow people I don’t know at all to be my friends?
    Of course, like other people say, there’s also the option of asking if you know them and just forgot that you know them.

  8. For me, Facebook is for people I know and like. I frequently utilize the “ignore” button.
    I know that makes me sound kinda ornery, but I am more open on facebook than I am on other forms of social media. It’s the one place that I like to have more control over who reads what I have to say.

  9. I have so many “friends” on facebook that arent REALLY friends, that I’ve considered opening a second account and being very particular about those friends… just so I have one safe haven with all people I trust. It’s a hard call. I have relatives that I’d rather not have as much access to my life as you get on FB… but how do you say no???

    Be very careful that you have your privacy settings set up to NOT include “friends of friends.” At least then you just have to worry about the actual people you know you’ve friended.

    Good luck!!!

  10. Create a Fan Page for yourself and have then “Like” that and then you can monitor people you don’t really know/still share some details of your life on facebook with complete strangers. I know quite a few people who have done this so their personal profile can be personal and their Fan Page can accommodate everyone else. Then you might not be so creeped out 🙂

  11. Ask them! Send a message asking how they found you.

  12. Don’t speak to strangers. Better to be safe than sorry. How many times have I told you?

  13. If you don’t know them, why would you invite them into your home? Okay, your virtual home. If they were with someone you knew and trusted, there’s a reason. Alone, on your doorstep, asking to come in? Ask them how you know them. Facebook suggests adding random friends on the sidebar. If they’re like some people I know, they’re just doing what facebook says and not thinking on their own. If not, then they’ll tell you who they are.

  14. I ignore people I do not know. I am not a friend whore but I have awesome virtual friends, like Annie, that I communicate through blogs and even Christmas cards. I agree with some of the other commenters – ask them if you care to, if not, ignore!

  15. My general rule of thumb if I don’t recognize the name, is first to check for mutual friends. Then, to see who the mutual friends are. I’m always hopeful that maybe it’s someone who happens to have heard and loved my music, even though in real life that’s probably not the case.

  16. I’ve never gotten any death threats from people I hit the “ignore” button on. But, then again, I’m not famous, and don’t have to worry about hurting my fans feelings. It’s those people that I only sort of know- that I’ve never actually talked to, and that are from different generations from me that (like that 12 year old in a neighboring ward, whose Grandma I know) that I feel weird about…

  17. I accept. Then I e-mail them my address and a schedule of where I’m going to be and when, to make stalking more convenient. Finally, I post a few naked pix of myself on their walls in the hopes that all their pals will want to be my friend, too.

    Duh. Isn’t that how everyone does it??

  18. One time I did agree to a stranger being my FB friend, but it ended disastrously… they were only posting about porn. Now, I don’t friend anyone that doesn’t have similar friends, though that’s not always a good indicator. When in doubt, click “ignore.” BTW.. so happy you accepted my FB friend request. 😉

  19. I KNOW! I’ve been getting weird requests from complete strangers too! and with names obviously made up. I usually just click “ignore”.. unless they look hot.

    just keeding

  20. I don’t know if this will help answer your question, but I wrote this a while back…some of the comments contain good advice as well.

    Hope you can find a way to let everyone down gently who wants to be your friend.