Salami to the rescue

Okay, so I’m officially 16 days out from delivery, my water table has finally dropped back to normal, I can see the bones in my feet again, and…nothing in my closet fits. Perhaps this is due to the fact that I gained a whopping 50 (count ’em) pounds with this pregnancy. At first I blamed myself, but by the time Georgia reared her sweet little head I had realized that my newly acquired back fat was all her fault.

Why? Because when you’re on bed rest for two months, you burn nothing. Nada. Zip. It doesn’t matter how much water you drink, or how strategically you place those five pound weights you’re never going to touch, bed rest makes you fat. Gloriously, greasy food fat.

Lucky for me, within about 48 hours of my babyectomy I was already in major strategic Get Skinny Fast mode. Within a week of being home, I realized that if I don’t lose this weight and get into my old wardrobe by November, I’ll have to go out and buy a completely new wardrobe. With school shoes for the boys and preschool fees and karate (hopefully) and piano lessons, there is no money for mama to be fat. Pounds must be shed.

And so, I’ve resorted to my standard, no-fail diet:  Salami (actually, it’s summer sausage). That’s right, I survive the day with a whole grain bowl of something cardboard like for breakfast, and chase it with slices of fatty red meat (really good for my iron deficiency) and liverwurst. Also I eat grapes and cheeses and peaches and almonds and salad, although the lettuce seems to hurt Gigi’s tummy so I have to go easy there.

(I will admit that the other night I had a sugar fit and downed a handful of sugar-free chocolates. Not smart. It kept my poor little pumpkin up all night long, between the two of us there was enough gas to run the Good Year Blimp. We still haven’t recovered from the sleep loss, and yes, I totally had it coming.)

The results? I am pleased to report that I’m currently down 27 pounds from my delivery weight, and I can almost squeeze into my roomiest girdle. Good times. Yes, I’ll probably have to go to the thrift store for a pair of cheap ugly jeans to get me through the interim, but I don’t mind a bit. I firmly believe that a woman’s body will give her about four months post-baby to get the majority of her poundage off. If you try, even a little, most maternal metabolisms will support your efforts. Not true in all cases, but certainly in most.

(I must also mention that at least half the women in my family can’t shed that last five pounds until they wean. Being the dairy herd we are, I’m suspicious that we all carry about five pounds of milk around with us at any given moment anyway, so that makes sense. Also, the extra layer of warmth is a good fail safe in case of famine.)


  1. I was in the same boat… no money to buy new clothes, so must fit into the new ones! Ivy is five months old this week and I am back to my prebaby weight, and down ten more pounds. Which sounds impressive, but really only demonstrates how fat I was last summer before I conceived. Cause see, my clothes fit now. So what was I wearing last year? I’m not sure, but I’m pretty sure it probably didn’t look all that good.

    It’s been easier to lose the weight this time… I’ve been exercising more regularly this time around, and I’m changing up my exercise routine on a daily basis, running, swimming and spinning, which I think is helping the weight come off faster too.

    Good luck in your efforts… and seriously. I hope you call her Gigi in person. What an adorable nickname…

  2. I mean OLD ones. Must fit into the OLD ones. Sheesh.

  3. Well, I am glad to hear it is coming off so easily. Me? Although we are related we have nothing in common when it comes to shedding weight during pregnancy. I have lost 17 pounds, (in 11 months) am pre-3rd baby and 3 lbs away from pre-1 and 2 babies, but still! The fastest I’ve lost this weight is a whopping 3 lbs in 1 month. And that was my record. I usually lose to the tune of 1 lbs every 20 days (I actually have it statisitcally recorded). That my dear, is nothing salami can solve. It is just plain annoying. So praise yourself for being so lucky. You finally found the formula that works for you! Good job, can’t wait to see your skinny self again 🙂

    Is Gigi her nickname? Cu-te!

  4. Maybe I just need to have baby to lose weight.

  5. Gigi is the cutest nickname, ever. I was a little suspicious of ‘Georgia,’ but with a nickname like “Gigi,” I am totally sold!!!!

    good luck with salami!!!

  6. You are my hero. I need that salami diet. No fail and I bet you look fantastic.

    But you always do… pregnant or not.

  7. My method at 7 weeks postpartum was to get the flu! I think that after two days I’ve puked away those extra 10 pounds I’ve been hanging onto since Aspen was born.

  8. Really? Did you plan on making enemies with me when you bragged that you had lost 27 lbs in 16 days? C’mon Annie — you have to THINK before you speak (or type). Consider the feelings of others. I have some ideas for that stick of summer sausage….

    • annie valentine says:

      Don’t worry T, I still have an equal amount to go and it’s not quite as willing as the first half.

  9. Love the determination. I don’t know why they haven’t introduced salami into The Biggest Loser.

  10. I thought I was the only one who knew about the Salami Diet! Good luck with the last half… 🙂

  11. This works lol? Is it like a extra protein to keep you from eating other food lol? Because I know summer sausage is high in fat.
    Thats awesome youve lost 27lbs already, you rock!

  12. Missed you yesterday! Darn boobs! How are you feeling now? And are you serious? Salami? I can do that standing on my head!! And given that I’m way chubbier than you even on my skinny days, I’d be more than willing to share some of the 9 million pairs of jeans I have in every single size. Seriously.

    I hope I get to meet that little beauty of yours, soon!